Sociopath Community

Lets bust that wall of text a bit:

by Buttered Toast

Let's see what minds here think.

This forum's inhabitants certainly are no strangers to compulsion. That must be a safe assumption. However, the slippery thing is a matter of perspective that makes some things ambiguous, to me.

When thinking of my own compulsive behavior, I have tried to consider it in terms of a third-person perspective. How do the actions appear to anyone not privy to the thoughts associated with them or anything other than the physical observation of behavior? If the thoughts were examinable, how would a third party weigh them accordingly? A certain dissonance has crept into my thinking about this.

The actions I deem compulsive in my behavior aren't all that exotic, perhaps not even noticeable outside of myself and the circle of people I live with and associate with much of the time. Frankly, most people (myself included, somewhat) don't give a fuck what other people do (I think it's just a state of paranoia that I constantly scan and mark behaviors around me in public). So, I don't think the casual person in the world would even be aware. To myself and in my own mind, I notice these things.  People that know me well know, too. However, even they don't weigh these behaviors as important as I might.

My question; is this compulsiveness only heightened by some feedback loop of awareness? Does how much concern we place upon these thoughts and associated actions end up fueling them? Is a release of concern instead of a focus and determination to head-off these things a better strategy? Most compulsions I have, whether thought or action, are far below worrisome by any society's standards, I'm pretty sure. My idle thought may turn darker than the average, but it isn't of a compulsive nature as I feel it is with other things.

Any (constructive) thoughts or sources of information is welcome.

The more you think about something, the more you're fueling the thought and the harder it is to shut it out of your mind.

With that said, I don't know if my compulsive urges to kill are similar to your compulsive thoughts. Mine are random. It could be months before I experience another urge that bad. I may think about murder a lot, but I don't consider that compulsive because I can do things to take my mind off it temporarily.

I would have added more to this post, but I'm so damned tired.

With that said, I don't know if my compulsive urges to kill are similar to your compulsive thoughts. Mine are random. It could be months before I experience another urge that bad. I may think about murder a lot, but I don't consider that compulsive because I can do things to take my mind off it temporarily.

May be it's more a craving than a compulsion. 

"This forum's inhabitants certainly are no strangers to compulsion. That must be a safe assumption."

Can't speak for them, but myself? Yes.


"How do the actions appear to anyone not privy to the thoughts associated with them or anything other than the physical observation of behavior?"

From my experience, there's telltale signs. Those who can't step on cracks for example give themselves away when they walk around, while those with things like counting fixations might appear distracted by something at random points.


"The actions I deem compulsive in my behavior aren't all that exotic, perhaps not even noticeable outside of myself and the circle of people I live with and associate with much of the time."

Care to list a few?


"My question; is this compulsiveness only heightened by some feedback loop of awareness?"

For myself, it only helped to focus on it if I was trying to think of ways to overcome it. Any focus beyond that risked creative tangents that could solidify as new compulsions.

"This forum's inhabitants certainly are no strangers to compulsion. That must be a safe assumption."

Can't speak for them, but myself? Yes. 


"How do the actions appear to anyone not privy to the thoughts associated with them or anything other than the physical observation of behavior?"

From my experience, there's telltale signs. Those who can't step on cracks for example give themselves away when they walk around, while those with things like counting fixations might appear distracted by something at random points.

This, of course, hinges on compulsive actions.  I have compulsive THOUGHTS, but I cannot really say I display any signs of them.  I have been told a number of times that it is hard to read my face to tell reactions.  I know there's an element of dissociation involved.  I'm ultimately not concerned over it, but it sometimes intrudes into my wandering mind to wonder how what I'm thinking is visible or not.  Not sure how transparent I am, because I myself find difficulty of seeing this in others.  A strong indicator of Aspergers, I think.


"The actions I deem compulsive in my behavior aren't all that exotic, perhaps not even noticeable outside of myself and the circle of people I live with and associate with much of the time."

Care to list a few?

Care to?  Well, no.  But, they are kinda weird I guess.  I have this need to rip paper and roll it into balls.  I have no idea where the fuck that comes from.  I also used to twirl my hair to the point I had bald spots at age five.  Anxiety related, no doubt, but I find it hard to fathom even to myself as to where some of this shit comes from.  I also can't stop thinking about disasters that could happen.  Is it a worry?  Not really, except in terms of my children's safety.  I'm a little bit crazy trying to protect against dangers, mostly highly improbable.  But yeah.  I also have chronic existential moments.  Mostly, "how the fuck is any of this happening?"  And leading to fractal feedback loops of awareness of just how deep the unreality goes, you know?  One of the most difficult things I can try and communicate.  It's a very real problem for about over a year now.  Sex is difficult when you're able to observe your own self with yourself.  For some reason I can't take it serious.  I can't believe the dumb shit people say and do.  I'm not sure why.  Sex makes me laugh most of the time.  This is another mystery to me.  Anyway...moving on before you have to bust this reply.


"My question; is this compulsiveness only heightened by some feedback loop of awareness?"

For myself, it only helped to focus on it if I was trying to think of ways to overcome it. Any focus beyond that risked creative tangents that could solidify as new compulsions.

The difficulty I encounter is the obsession I have with compulsions and analyzing it.  Again, another feedback loop.

by DarkAges

With that said, I don't know if my compulsive urges to kill are similar to your compulsive thoughts. Mine are random. It could be months before I experience another urge that bad. I may think about murder a lot, but I don't consider that compulsive because I can do things to take my mind off it temporarily.

 

May be it's more a craving than a compulsion. 

I'm pretty sure the two aren't mutually exclusive.

It does feel like a craving. A very strong craving that feels more like a need than a want. When it gets really bad I feel a strong impulse to act on it. That's how I know it's also a compulsion.

It does feel like a craving. A very strong craving that feels more like a need than a want. When it gets really bad I feel a strong impulse to act on it. That's how I know it's also a compulsion.

There's nothing more titillating than an unfulfilled compulsion. Thankfully there's a kind of 'porn' for those cravings (like BestGore.com and stuff) but they never correspond to the murder fantasy/scenario a person has.

I realize that's a very dark subject (and as a matter of fact we already talked about this in a thread about dark fantasies) but everybody has them they just aren't honest about them.

by Thrill Kill

 

by DarkAges

With that said, I don't know if my compulsive urges to kill are similar to your compulsive thoughts. Mine are random. It could be months before I experience another urge that bad. I may think about murder a lot, but I don't consider that compulsive because I can do things to take my mind off it temporarily.

 

May be it's more a craving than a compulsion. 

I'm pretty sure the two aren't mutually exclusive.

It does feel like a craving. A very strong craving that feels more like a need than a want. When it gets really bad I feel a strong impulse to act on it. That's how I know it's also a compulsion.

 It does seem that it's a matter of scale.  Where the threshold of thought to action seems substantially low, an impulse grows likely a lot sooner.  A main sign of psychopathy, isn't it?  Poor impulse control.  I do too, but obviously different.  My violent or murderous thoughts have me encounter a strange mental state.  I am somewhat repulsed, but I think it's more that I have a higher physical sort of empathy.  I can imagine feelings of pain or fear or such, but purely unemotional empathy.  You know?  Picturing it in my head makes me cringe, but by no means because I am concerned by any victim, but just can't dissociate the compulsion to imagine the thing happening to me and how it would be like.  Does this make sense?

I am somewhat repulsed, but I think it's more that I have a higher physical sort of empathy.

So what happens when you let's say watch a video in which someone gets murdered?