Sociopath Community

 "I think when someone cheated on me, it was because they felt ignored and
unloved by me. Which was not the case. But you see what poor
communication can do."

He continued to lie to you.

You already know why people cheat. In some cases, like yours, the cheater will try to rationalize what they've done by placing blame on their partner. You can collect other reasons, but do mind your intuition on this matter.

It doesn't matter if they are ugly or beautiful, all types of people get cheated on. Keep this in mind, and it'll be easier for you to identify how he probably would have done this regardless of who he's with.

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I take it his actions lead you to look into sociopathy, which has us talking here.

I agree he would have cheated on anyone. What I am saying is that I believe it was a defense mechanism for him. To something he got angry or hurt about.

I can't tell the difference between all the personality disorders. I thought he was borderline.

I see.

Some personality disorders entail for the caregiver to let the disordered hang out with others. The main caregiver is always someone who truly cares or loves for the person. Though it's unhealthy in other areas, the promiscuity offers a sense of self worth. 

Ironically, trying or succeeding at stopping them from visiting or seeing others will destroy the relationship between themselves and the one who cares for them the most. The cycle will repeat with their new relationships, which are often short lived.

Do not submit to his charms, or do things you typically wouldn't if you plan on being there for him. Usually they'll think less of you when your easy. It's a bit of a challenge at first. You're here and there collecting information, and judging by appearance, "Calm" is your thing. Your going about it the right way. Just don't let him manage your happiness.

If I were in a committed relationship and a woman offered this I'd assume she was attempting to manipulate me (badly) or looking to have an affair. Either way I'd be turned off. However, if a woman I just met suggested having an open relationship I'd be turned on and very interested in her. Assuming of course:

1) she was secure, independent and wasn't playing games

2) she was hot and had her life/shit together 

When ideas like this are used as control tactics and to manipulate it is a complete turn off. Needy women should not attempt to fake the strength and independence of strong women. They can't handle the consequences.  

OH, I don't plan on doing it or having an open relationship, I am just asking why someone would want it.

To me, I don't cheat, so it is an unknown.

I just like answers. I do not behave in certain ways and I can not understand sociopaths, etc. because of this.

An open relationship isn't cheating. It's simply removing monogamy as a prerequisite of the relationship contract. Monogamy is fine but it's often "assumed" by one party and assumed too soon in a relationship. People need to dial down the ownership concept when dating.    

slut

That wasn't very nice. 

I am trying to become understanding of personality disorders so I can learn not to trigger people. So, I am trying to understand the motives of behavior. I can't change anyone, only change myself. 

If I act in a way that commands respect, hopefully i will be respected.

I think communication is necessary. If someone could explain things to me, it is easier to be understanding.

If we were in an open relationship, then it would be discussed from the beginning.

I believe people should say what they mean and mean what they say. If a BF said that to me I'd take it as a green light and have some fun. ;)