LMAO, are you looking for tips? Nothing I could write on this forum would help you out in any way. You have to go out and make shit happen if you want it to happen, sitting on this computer will get you nowhere.
I personally think the feeling of joy crossfires inside me. Like, when younger, the feeling of pain would make me smile or laugh. This was joyous, to me. I remember being 13 or 14 running my toes under the hottest water I could muster from the bathtub faucet. Accepting that pain and feeling "something" made me high in a way. On the other hand, some might run their toes under the same faucet and cringe, or pull back. I hope that makes some sort of sense.
and people like you are the reason i advocate abortion... you are an example of someone who was born to parents that obviously didnt want you...
ps you're also the reason i advocate suicide... its never to late to make the world a better place... and by that i mean without you.