Well, let's start with how I grew up. I grew up without a father. Mother was a over protective paranoid woman. Rarely got freedom, yet I was allowed to play games and watch movies other kids couldn't. She was worried for my safety. We were always on the poor side.
My mother never really gave a shit about how I felt. Always told me to "toughen up" when I asked for help and comfort. But I can't blame her, she's been through a lot as well. She's been raped, abused, and even her own family broke apart from her.
Anyways, as I got older I started getting in trouble with the law and whatnot. I've gotten in all kinds of trouble, vandalizing, stealing, starting fights (antagonistic). But the big problem was torturing animals. I got this strange feeling that was oddly enough pleasing. I'd slam doors on my cat's tail, dissect insects, kick dogs, kill baby birds I'd find in nests during spring. That's how I was told about my sociopath self, one of my friends was with me one day when I killed a bird. He told me, "damn dude that's wrong and only sociopaths would do such things". Well, I laughed as it was a joke to me. This was years ago, by the way.
I remember months later I came across sociopathy on the net, I read about it only to find out this was me. It's bizarre, because it said that sociopaths lie and manipulate. I never realized I lied and manipulated until after reading that. I really sat there, thinking about what I've done to people. Only to be more convinced. I lied to everyone, even my own mother for joy. I manipulated my friends, I lied to them about who I am. I lie to nearly everyone I come across, telling them lies about myself just to make myself look better.
As I got older, kids started to really make fun of me, bully me, hit me, you name it. I was a late bloomer, I didn't hit puberty until much later. Other kids took advantage of that. I remember coming home crying, mother never gave a shit. When I turned 15, is when things really changed. I started developing more, a heavier voice, a bigger build, and kids started giving me respect. I never got bullied once since then. In fact, I might of became the bully. I started hurting them back, even my own friends. I have even hit my mom a few times out of anger, which I know is wrong. It's like I'm looking for something deep down, to care for what I did, but I can't find it. I now lost many emotions, I don't cry anymore, I don't feel sadness, and I'm never happy anymore. Although, I do feel anger and frustration.
I then got into drug dealing, yet I never taken any of the drugs. I tried pot a few times, just to fit in, but the group I was with ended up getting me expelled. So, after that I was assigned to online school. Which I did finish earlier than everyone else in public school.
Now I'm left with no one, no friends, not to mention we've moved to an isolated place away from people. I'm only sixteen too, so, I'm wondering if I might be a sociopath or not. I remember reading you can't get diagnosed until you're eighteen, but getting diagnosed would be foolish.
What do you guys think? Am I going through a phase? Could I be depressed?