i'm glad my eternal 7-year-old-ness comes in handy sometimes.
drives my boyfriend up the damn wall. but glad you can smile at it! ;-)
he used to complain i acted 6, but now it's cuz i act 7. some improvement!
I'm almost 8.
by tesseractYour boyfriend's probably a pedophile but it's nice that he's with you instead of molesting kids. Kids don't deserve that.
No, quite the opposite. He can't stand when I act like a lost kid in the grocery store. He wants a normal girlfriend, not a basket case who is trying to save the world but can't even comb her hair or remember to tie her shoes.
[Ironically I think he's the one acting like a baby by whining about political problems without taking any action to solve them; while I actively work on solutions myself, and sadly, a lot of the stress I react to by regressing is from trying to take on financial and social burdens beyond normal adult capacity. So I think I have the right to act like a kid to de-stress myself after working two jobs to fund corrections to local messes from govt abuses no one else is taking on.]
I edited the rest of my msg that was too long and off point.
the one point that may apply is being okay with juggling two sides of yourself that seem to be in conflict. the little girl that feels dumb and wants approval and the part of you that can take on power and control and equal charge in your relations.
Can you find a way where both sides can have their role and space so it is safe and effective/validated for these to be as they are. At some point they may merge, but until then at least let them have their own rooms in the house to be themselves.
It is wrong to let the little girl be put in the situation of abuse or domination.
Your msg about refraining from sex is wise while you are in states of uncertainty or confusion, clinging etc. you should be in a stable secure place when making decisions about sex or else you are right it causes regret or worse problems.
If you have these control issues, I would guess you have "daddy issues" or leftover things to be resolved between you and either your father's side of the family or past romantic relations where control issues tend to surface. so fix these independent of adding any more emotions on top, including from sex until you really have a mutual understnaidng with no control games going on. by addressing this you will become a more secure person, with greater sense of control.
You seem to have fine skills in honest and analytical communication, so I assume your relations with your mother are stable if that is where this is rooted. the more you improve your family relations, your communication skills will be more clarified.
If you want to figure out your friend, you can examine the same relations and effects on his side with his mother/family and his father/romantic past. any unresolved issues there can be projected forward onto you; any work to resolve these will show in improvement in communication and perception of control.
this is better done by interacting platonically because there are enough issues already. it becomes more complicated by adding sex, like adding guns to a fight.
so you are wise to take this one step at a time.
maybe the best way I could support you is not to worry if you have sides of you split off. I have dealt withthat for years. it makes it worse to worry or feel bad or guilty about it. it helps to accept that you have conflicting sides and just make the most of them, let those sides contribute and operate where they work best and NOT where it is disastrous. as you resolve conflicts, they won't be so divided.
hope this helps better than the mess I posted before
sorry but I go through some of the same stuff. one friend thought I was bpd.