Amendment.
I began to realise that penchant for physical violence was going awry in my late teens.
I broke some guys arm inadvertantly without even thinking, jammed a girls arm in my car door and slammed it shut, before id realised Id done it and also stabbed a a guy in the thigh with a fish spear for being cheeky before i could pull myself up. Also shot another kid in the face with an airrifle, shot a mate in the hand with a pistol and shot my sister with a blowgun dart. ( not all were inadvertant)
My first memory of a totally overwhelming cold rage was at age ten when I beat a bigger older kid so badly he was screaming. He'd messed with some rabbit traps Id spent hours making and perfecting by hand. His mother came down the road to bail me up , shouting and wailing how Id bruised him so badly he couldnt walk. I didnt even realise I should have felt something apart from glee.
So... I spent a LOT of time learning how to control my temper. And learning what the triggers were, and what to avoid if I didnt want to end up in the slammer.
What did it change? ... well it made it so I didnt slip up and lose my rag in an uncontrollable fit of fury. It made it so that I learned my own ways of justifying things to my psyche so that when I did get physical, it was intentional as hell.
And on the paths I walked I picked up info here and there, gleaned tidbits from odd places. I think my control streak attached to my narc streak and it became obsessive for a while.