Yes. Well, I need to get back to pretending to work now, but thanks for the input boys and girls. This has actually been fairly enlightening!
To everyone who took a legitimate crack at attempting to help, I honestly do appreciate the effort. Truth is that I am just glad that I am not alone and considering some of these 'responses', things could obviously be worse.
To all the trolls who attempted to drag me into something... distasteful... at least you all know how to spell and punctuate. Good for you!
Start getting used to me people. I think I like it here ;)