That was beautiful written, powerful, poetic, and most importantly it resonates.
I wouldn't be so foolish as to claim to have your answers, we must all follow our own paths. I find that for myself however, life goes as it should... I live in the concept of impermenance. "This too shall pass." "all that glitters is sure to fade." "Nothing is certain but death".
I invest so little of myself in others for fear of disappointment, I find it much safer to live for myself and play with others as it entertains me. But I also realise that is a lonely and hollow place to live. But it works for me, it affords me a sort of resiliance where I don't break when others drop the ball. It gives me a stability, the only other option to me appears to be a life of extremes: Extreme happiness and extreme suffering.
People like us have the ability to connect so deeply with others. We see deep down inside of them, we can draw them out, and we can open them up. Like wizards we form bonds through our understanding of minds and powers of persuasion. We are the awakened, those who see while others sit in wonder asking: "How do you do that?" "How do you make me feel this way?" "You're like no one I've ever known."
We don't believe in "Magic" or "Love" At least I don't. I find no mystery in manufacturing such emotions in others. With the right words, the right tone, the right touch, the right stare we hypnotise. There is a place where I feel empty when I generate these emotions, because something inside of me tells me it isn't real if I make it happen. That it's supposed to be "magical" and "natural". Forever a cynic.
And if I came across as speaking for you then I appologise, but I felt motivated to share. Good thread.