Sociopath Community

Strange. I just bought a neurology book on the topic.

Want to expose my kids to the view of afterlife.

Howard Storm's NDE

The Therapy of Love

The
entire life's review would have been emotionally destructive,
and would have left me a psychotic person, if it hadn't
been for the fact that my friend, and my friend's friends,
were loving me during the unfolding of my life. I could
feel that love. Every time I got a little upset they turned
the life's review off for awhile, and they just loved me.
Their love was tangible. You could feel it on your body,
you could feel it inside you; their love went right through
you. I wish I could explain it to you, but I can't.

The therapy was their
love, because my life's review kept tearing me down. It
was pitiful to watch, just pitiful. I couldn't believe it.
And the thing is, it got worse as it went on. My stupidity
and selfishness as a teenager only magnified as I became
an adult – all under the veneer of being a good husband,
a good father, and a good citizen. The hypocrisy of it all
was nauseating. But through it all was their love.
 
When the review was
finished they asked, "Do you want to ask any questions?"
and I had a million questions.
 
I asked, for example,
"What about the Bible?"
 
They responded, "What
about it?"
 
I asked if it was
true, and they said it was. Asking them why it was that
when I tried to read it, all I saw were contradictions,
they took me back to my life's review again – something
that I had overlooked. They showed me, for the few times
I had opened the Bible, that I had read it with the idea
of finding contradictions and problems. I was trying to
prove to myself that it wasn't worth reading.
 
I observed to them
that the Bible wasn't clear to me. It didn't make sense.
They told me that it contained spiritual truth, and that
I had to read it spiritually in order to understand it.
It should be read prayerfully. My friends informed me that
it was not like other books. They also told me, and I later
found out this was true, that when you read it prayerfully,
it talks to you. It reveals itself to you. And you don't
have to work at it anymore.
 
My friends answered
lots of questions in funny ways. They really knew the whole
tone of what I asked them, even before I got the questions
out. When I thought of questions in my head, they really
understood them.
 
I asked them, for
example, which was the best religion. I was looking for
an answer which was like, "Presbyterians." I figured these
guys were all Christians.
 
The answer I got
was, "The best religion is the religion that brings
you closest to God."
 
Asking them if there
was life on other planets, their surprising answer was that
the universe was full of life.
 
Because of my fear
of a nuclear holocaust I asked if there was going to be
a nuclear war in the world, and they said no. That astonished
me, and I gave them this extensive explanation of how I
had lived under the threat of nuclear war. That was one
of the reasons I was who I was. I figured, when I was in
this life, that it was all sort of hopeless; the world was
going to blow up anyway, and nothing made much sense. In
that context I felt I could do what I wanted, since nothing
mattered.
 
They said, "No, there
isn't going to be any nuclear war."
 
I asked if they were
absolutely sure there wasn't going to be nuclear war. They
reassured me again, and I asked them how they could be so
sure. Their response was: "God loves the world."
 
They told me that
at the most, one or two nuclear weapons might go off accidentally,
if they weren't destroyed, but there wouldn't be a nuclear
war. I then asked them how come there had been so many wars.
They said that they allowed those few to happen, out of
all the wars that humanity tried to start. Out of all the
wars that humans tried to create, they allowed a few, to
bring people to their senses and to stop them.
 
Science, technology,
and other benefits, they told me, had been gifts bestowed
on humanity by them – through inspiration. People had
literally been led to those discoveries, many of which had
later been perverted by humanity to use for its own destruction.
We could do too much damage to the planet. And by the planet,
they meant all of God's creation. Not just the people, but
the animals, the trees, the birds, the insects, everything.
 
They explained to
me that their concern was for all the people of the world.
They weren't interested in one group getting ahead of other
groups. They want every person to consider every other person
greater than their own flesh. They want everyone to love
everyone else, completely; more, even, than they love themselves.
If someone, someplace else in the world hurts, than we should
hurt we should feel their pain. And we should help them.
 
Our planet has evolved
to the point, for the first time in our history, that we
have the power to do that. We are globally linked. And we
could become one people.
 
The people that they
gave the privilege of leading the world into a better age,
blew it. That was us, in the United States.
 
When I spoke with
them about the future, and this might sound like a cop-out
on my part, they made clear to me that we have free will.
 
If we change the
way we are, then we can change the future which they showed
me. They showed me a view of the future, at the time of
my experience, based upon how we in the United States were
behaving at that time. It was a future in which a massive
worldwide depression would occur. If we were to change our
behavior, however, then the future would be different.
 
Asking them how it
would be possible to change the course of many people, I
observed that it was difficult, if not impossible, to change
anything on Earth. I expressed the opinion that it was a
hopeless task to try.
 
My friends explained,
quite clearly, that all it takes to make a change was one
person. One person, trying, and then because of that, another
person changing for the better. They said that the only
way to change the world was to begin with one person. One
will become two, which will become three, and so on. That's
the only way to affect a major change.
 
I inquired as to
where the world would be going in an optimistic future one
where some of the changes they desired were to take place.
The image of the future that they gave me then, and it was
their image, not one that I created, surprised me.
 
My image had previously
been sort of like Star Wars, where everything was space
age, plastics, and technology. The future that they showed
me was almost no technology at all.
 
What everybody, absolutely
everybody, in this euphoric future spent most of their time
doing was raising children. The chief concern of people
was children, and everybody considered children to be the
most precious commodity in the world. And when a person
became an adult, there was no sense of anxiety, nor hatred,
nor competition. There was this enormous sense of trust
and mutual respect.
 
If a person, in this
view of the future, became disturbed, then the community
of people all cared about the disturbed person falling away
from the harmony of the group. Spiritually, through prayer
and love, the others would elevate the afflicted person.
 
What people did with
the rest of their time was that they gardened, with almost
no physical effort. They showed me that plants, with prayer,
would produce huge fruits and vegetables. People, in unison,
could control the climate of the planet through prayer.
Everybody would work with mutual trust and the people would
call the rain, when needed, and the sun to shine. Animals
lived with people, in harmony.
 
People, in this best
of all worlds, weren't interested in knowledge; they were
interested in wisdom. This was because they were in a position
where anything they needed to know, in the knowledge category,
they could receive simply through prayer. Everything, to
them, was solvable. They could do anything they wanted to
do.
 
In this future, people
had no wanderlust, because they could, spiritually, communicate
with everyone else in the world. There was no need to go
elsewhere. They were so engrossed with where they were and
the people around them that they didn't have to go on vacation.
Vacation from what? They were completely fulfilled and happy.
 
Death, in this world,
was a time when the individual had experienced everything
that he or she needed to experience. To die meant to lie
down and let go; then the spirit would rise up, and the
community would gather around. There would be a great rejoicing,
because they all had insight into the heavenly realm, and
the spirit would join with the angels that came down to
meet it. They could see the spirit leave and knew that it
was time for the spirit to move on; it had outgrown the
need for growth in this world. Individuals who died had
achieved all they were capable of in this world in terms
of love, appreciation, understanding, and working in harmony
with others.
 
The sense I got of
this beautiful view of the world's future was as a garden,
God's garden. And in this garden of the world, full of all
beauty, were people. The people were born into this world
to grow in their understanding of the Creator. Then to shed
this skin, this shell, in the physical world, and to graduate
and move up into heaven there, to have a more intimate and
growing relationship with God.

Howard Storm's NDE

Learning what happens after Death

I
asked my friend, and his friends, about death – what
happens when we die?
 
They said that when
a loving person dies, angels come down to meet him, and
they take him up – gradually, at first, because it
would be unbearable for that person to be instantly exposed
to God.
 
Knowing what's inside
of every person, the angels don't have to prove anything
by showing off. They know what each of us needs, so they
provide that. In some cases it may be a heavenly meadow,
and in another, something else. If a person needs to see
a relative, the angels will bring that relative. If the
person really likes jewels, they will show the person jewels.
We see what is necessary for our introduction into the spirit
world, and those things are real, in the heavenly, the divine
sense.
 
They gradually educate
us as spirit beings, and bring us into heaven. We grow and
increase, and grow and increase, and shed the concerns,
desires, and base animal stuff that we have been fighting
much of our life. Earthly appetites melt away. It is no
longer a struggle to fight them. We become who we truly
are, which is part of the divine.
 
This happens to loving
people, people who are good and love God. They made it clear
to me that we don't have any knowledge or right to judge
anybody else – in terms of that person's heart relationship
to God. Only God knows what's in a person's heart. Someone
whom we think is despicable, God might know as a wonderful
person. Similarly, someone we think is good, God may see
as a hypocrite, with a black heart. Only God knows the truth
about every individual.
 
God will ultimately
judge every individual. And God will allow people to be
dragged into darkness with like-minded creatures. I have
told you, from my personal experience, what goes on in there.
I don't know from what I saw anymore than that, but it's
my suspicion that I only saw the tip of the iceberg.
 
I deserved to be
where I was – I was in the right place at the right
time. That was the place for me, and the people I was around
were perfect company for me. God allowed me to experience
that, and then removed me, because he saw something redeeming
in putting me through the experience. It was a way to purge
me. People who are not allowed to be pulled into darkness,
because of their loving nature, are attracted upwards, toward
the light.
 
I never saw God,
and I was not in heaven. It was way out in the suburbs,
and these are the things that they showed me. We talked
for a long time, about many things, and then I looked at
myself. When I saw me, I was glowing, I was radiant. I was
becoming beautiful not nearly as beautiful as them but I
had a certain sparkle that I never had before.
 
Not being ready to
face the Earth again, I told them that I wished to be with
them forever. I said, "I'm ready, I'm ready to be like you
and be here forever. This is great. I love it. I love you.
You're wonderful."
 
I knew that they
loved me and knew everything about me. I knew that everything
was going to be okay from now on. I asked if I could get
rid of my body, which was definitely a hindrance, and become
a being like them with the powers they had shown me.
 
They said, "No, you
have to go back."
 
They explained to
me that I was very underdeveloped and that it would be of
great benefit to return to my physical existence to learn.
In my human life I would have an opportunity to grow so
that the next time I was with them I would be more compatible.
I would need to develop important characteristics to become
like them and to be involved with the work that they do.
 
Responding that I
couldn't go back, I tried to argue with them, and I observed
that if I bear that thought the thought that I might wind
up in the pit again I pled with them to stay.
 
My friends then said, "Do
you think that we expect you to be perfect, after all the
love we feel for you, even after you were on Earth blaspheming
God, and treating everyone around you like dirt? And this,
despite the fact that we were sending people to try and
help you, to teach you the truth? Do you really think we
would be apart from you now?"
 
I asked them, "But
what about my own sense of failure? You've shown me how
I can be better, and I'm sure I can't live up to that. I'm
not that good."
 
Some of my self-centeredness
welled up and I said, "No way. I'm not going back."
 
They said, "There
are people who care about you; your wife, your children,
your mother and father. You should go back for them. Your
children need your help."
 
I said, "You
can help them. If you make me go back there are things that
just won't work. If I go back there and make mistakes I
won't be able to stand it because you've shown me I could
be more loving and more compassionate and I'll forget. I'll
be mean to someone or I'll do something awful to someone.
I just know it's going to happen because I'm a human being.
I'm going to blow it and I won't be able to stand it. I'll
feel so bad I'll want to kill myself and I can't do that
because life is precious. I might just go catatonic. So
you can't send me back."
 
They assured me that
mistakes are an acceptable part of being human.
 
"Go," they said,
"and make all the mistakes you want. Mistakes are how you
learn."
 
As long as I tried
to do what I knew was right, they said, I would be on the
right path. If I made a mistake, I should fully recognize
it as a mistake, then put it behind me and simply try not
to make the same mistake again. The important things is
to try one's best, keep one's standards of goodness and
truth, and not compromise those to win people's approval.
 
"But," I said, "mistakes
make me feel bad."
 
They said, "We love
you the way you are, mistakes and all. And you can feel
our forgiveness. You can feel our love any time you want
to."
 
I said, "I don't
understand. How do I do that?"
 
"Just turn inward,"
they said. "Just ask for our love and we'll give it
to you if you ask from the heart."
 
They advised me to
recognize it when I made a mistake and to ask for forgiveness.
Before I even got the words out of my mouth, I would be
forgiven but, I would have to accept the forgiveness. My
belief in the principal of forgiveness must be real, and
I would have to know that the forgiveness was given. Confessing,
either in public or in private, that I had made a mistake,
I should then ask for forgiveness. After that, it would
be an insult to them if I didn't accept the forgiveness.
I shouldn't continue to go around with a sense of guilt,
and I should not repeat errors I should learn from my mistakes.
 
"But," I said, "how
will I know what is the right choice? How will I know what
you want me to do?"
 
They replied, "We
want you to do what you want to do. That means making choices
and there isn't necessarily any right choice. There are
a spectrum of possibilities, and you should make the best
choice you can from those possibilities. If you do that,
we will be there helping you."
 
I didn't give in
easily. I argued that back there was full of problems and
that here was everything I could possibly want. I questioned
my ability to accomplish anything they would consider important
in my world. They said the world is a beautiful expression
of the Supreme being. One can find beauty or ugliness depending
on what one directs one's mind toward.
 
They explained that
the subtle and complex development of our world was beyond
my comprehension, but I would be a suitable instrument for
the Creator. Every part of the creation, they explained,
is infinitely interesting because it is a manifestation
of the Creator. A very important opportunity for me would
be to explore this world with wonder and enjoyment.
 
They never gave me
a direct mission or purpose. Could I build a shrine or cathedral
for God? They said those monuments were for humanity. They
wanted me to live my life to love people not things. I told
them I wasn't good enough to represent what I had just experienced
with them on a worldly level. They assured me I would be
given appropriate help whenever I might need it. All I had
to do is ask.
 
The luminous beings,
my teachers, were very convincing. I was also acutely aware
that not far away was the Great being, what I knew to be
the Creator. They never said, "He wants it this way,"
but that was implied behind everything they said. I didn't
want to argue too much because the Great Entity was so wonderful
and so awesome. The love that was emanated was overwhelming.
 
Presenting my biggest
argument against coming back into the world, I told them
that it would break my heart, and I would die, if I had
to leave them and their love. Coming back would be so cruel,
I said, that I couldn't stand it. I mentioned that the world
was filled with hate and competition, and I didn't want
to return to that maelstrom. I couldn't bear to leave them.
 
My friends observed
that they had never been apart from me. I explained that
I hadn't been aware of their presence, and if I went back
I, again, wouldn't know they were there. Explaining how
to communicate with them, they told me to get myself quiet,
inside, and to ask for their love; then that love would
come, and I would know they were there.
 
They said, "You won't
be away from us. We're with you. We've always been with
you. We always will be right with you all the time."
 
I said, "But how
do I know that? You tell me that, but when I go back there
it's just going to be a nice theory."
 
They said, "Any time
you need us we'll be there for you."
 
I said, "You mean
like you'll just appear?"
 
They said, "No, no.
We're not going to intervene in your life in any big way
unless you need us. We're just going to be there and you'll
feel our presence, you'll feel our love."
 
After that explanation
I ran out of arguments, and I said I thought I could go
back. And, just like that, I was back. Returning to my body,
the pain was there, only worse than before."
 
[ Howard Storm's
near-death experience ends here.]
 
Returning to life
wasn't easy for Howard. In addition to his physical problems,
he had to face the usual array of uncomprehending and insensitive
responses to his new spiritual condition. It began in the
hospital, he said.
 
Howard states: "I
felt this overwhelming sense of love for everyone. I wanted
to hug and kiss everyone, but I couldn't even sit up. I
would say, 'Oh you're so beautiful' to anyone and everyone.
I was the joke of the floor. People found it very amusing."
 
Like other near-death
experiences, Howard's sense of empathy expanded, as well
as his compassion. He could, he said, feel the emotions
of others more powerfully than his own. Howard decided to
enter the Christian ministry after his near-death experience.

I've read few cases of hell, but this one here is the most interesting case I've read. Funny, part of it reminded me of this place, or at least how it use to be around here. It's fasinating.

Howard Storm's NDE

Invitation to Hell.

Struggling to say
goodbye to my wife, I wrestled with my emotions. Telling
her that I loved her very much was as much of a goodbye
as I could utter because of my emotional distress.
 
Sort of relaxing
and closing my eyes, I waited for the end. This was it,
I felt. This was the big nothing, the big blackout, the
one you never wake up from, the end of existence. I had
absolute certainty that there was nothing beyond this life –
because that was how really smart people understood it.
 
While I was undergoing
this stress, prayer or anything like that never occurred
to me. I never once thought about it. If I mentioned God's
name at all it was only as a profanity.
 
For a time there
was a sense of being unconscious or asleep. I'm not sure
how long it lasted, but I felt really strange, and I opened
my eyes. To my surprise I was standing up next to the bed,
and I was looking at my body laying in the bed.
 
My first reaction
was, "This is crazy! I can't be standing here looking
down at myself. That's not possible."
 
This wasn't what
I expected, this wasn't right. Why was I still alive? I
wanted oblivion. Yet I was looking at a thing that was my
body, and it just didn't have that much meaning to me.
 
Now knowing what
was happening, I became upset. I started yelling and screaming
at my wife, and she just sat there like a stone. She didn't
look at me, she didn't move – and I kept screaming
profanities to get her to pay attention. Being confused,
upset, and angry, I tried to get the attention of my room-mate,
with the same result. He didn't react.
 
I wanted this to
be a dream, and I kept saying to myself, "This has got to
be a dream."
 
But I knew that it
wasn't a dream. I became aware that strangely I felt more
alert, more aware, more alive than I had ever felt in my
entire life. All my senses were extremely acute. Everything
felt tingly and alive. The floor was cool and my bare feet
felt moist and clammy. This had to be real. I squeezed my
fists and was amazed at how much I was feeling in my hands
just by making a fist.
 
Then I heard my name.
I heard, "Howard, Howard – come here."
 
Wondering, at first,
where it was coming from, I discovered that it was originating
in the doorway. There were different voices calling me.
 
I asked who they
were, and they said, "We are here to take care of you.
We will fix you up. Come with us."
 
Asking, again, who
they were, I asked them if they were doctors and nurses.
 
They responded, "Quick,
come see. You'll find out."
 
As I asked them questions
they gave evasive answers. They kept giving me a sense of
urgency, insisting that I should step through the doorway.
 
With some reluctance
I stepped into the hallway, and in the hallway I was in
a fog, or a haze. It was a light-colored haze. It wasn't
a heavy haze. I could see my hand, for example, but the
people who were calling me were 15 or 20 feet ahead, and
I couldn't see them clearly. They were more like silhouettes,
or shapes, and as I moved toward them they backed off into
the haze. As I tried to get close to them to identify them,
they quickly withdrew deeper into the fog. So I had
to follow into the fog deeper and deeper.
 
These strange beings
kept urging me to come with them.
 
I repeatedly asked
them where we were going, and they responded, "Hurry up,
you'll find out."
 
They wouldn't answer
anything. The only response was insisting that I hurry up
and follow them.
 
They told me repeatedly
that my pain was meaningless and unnecessary. "Pain is bullshit,"
they said.
 
I knew that we had
been traveling for miles, but I occasionally had the strange
ability to look back and see the hospital room. My body
was still there lying motionless on the bed. My perspective
at these times was as if I were floating above the room
looking down. It seemed millions and millions of miles away.
Looking back into the room, I saw my wife and my room-mate,
and I decided they had not been able to help me so I would
go with these people.
 
Walking for what
seemed to be a considerable distance, these beings were
all around me. They were leading me through the haze. I
don't know how long. There was a real sense of timelessness
about the experience. In a real sense I am unaware of how
long it was, but it felt like a long time – maybe even
days or weeks.
 
As we traveled, the
fog got thicker and darker, and the people began to change.
At first they seemed rather playful and happy, but when
we had covered some distance, a few of them began to get
aggressive. The more questioning and suspicious I was, the
more antagonistic and rude and authoritarian they became.
They began to make jokes about my bare rear end which wasn't
covered by my hospital dicky and about how pathetic I was.
I knew they were talking about me, but when I tried to find
out exactly what they were saying they would say, "Shhhhh,
he can hear you, he can hear you."
 
Then, others would
seem to caution the aggressive ones. It seemed that I could
hear them warn the aggressive ones to be careful or I would
be frightened away.
 
Wondering what was
happening, I continued to ask questions, and they repeatedly
urged me to hurry and to stop asking questions. Feeling
uneasy, especially since they continued to get aggressive,
I considered returning, but I didn't know how to get back.
I was lost. There were no features that I could relate to.
There was just the fog and a wet, clammy ground, and I had
no sense of direction.
 
All my communication
with them took place verbally just as ordinary human communication
occurs. They didn't appear to know what I was thinking,
and I didn't know what they were thinking. What was increasingly
obvious was that they were liars and help was farther away
the more I stayed with them.
 
Hours ago, I had
hoped to die and end the torment of life. Now things were
worse as I was forced by a mob of unfriendly and cruel people
toward some unknown destination in the darkness. They began
shouting and hurling insults at me, demanding that I hurry
along. And they refused to answer any question.
 
Finally, I told them
that I wouldn't go any farther. At that time they changed
completely. They became much more aggressive and insisted
that I was going with them. A number of them began to push
and shove me, and I responded by hitting back at them.
 
A wild orgy of frenzied
taunting, screaming and hitting ensued. I fought like a
wild man. All the while it was obvious that they were having
great fun.
 
It seemed to be,
almost, a game for them, with me as the center-piece of
their amusement. My pain became their pleasure. They seemed
to want to make me hurt by clawing at me and biting me.
Whenever I would get one off me, there were five more to
replace the one.
 
By this time it was
almost complete darkness, and I had the sense that instead
of there being twenty or thirty, there were an innumerable
host of them. Each one seemed set on coming in for the sport
they got from hurting me. My attempts to fight back only
provoked greater merriment. They began to physically
humiliate me in the most degrading ways. As I continued
to fight on and on, I was aware that they weren't in any
hurry to win. They were playing with me just as a cat plays
with a mouse. Every new assault brought howls of cacophony.
Then at some point, they began to tear off pieces of my
flesh. To my horror I realized I was being taken apart and
eaten alive, slowly, so that their entertainment would last
as long a possible.
 
At no time did I
ever have any sense that the beings who seduced and attacked
me were anything other than human beings. The best way I
can describe them is to think of the worst imaginable person
stripped of every impulse to do good. Some of them seemed
to be able to tell others what to do, but I had no sense
of any structure or hierarchy in an organizational sense.
They didn't appear to be controlled or directed by anyone.
Basically they were a mob of beings totally driven by unbridled
cruelty and passions.
 
During our struggle
I noticed that they seemed to feel no pain. Other than that
they appeared to possess no special non-human or super-human
abilities.
 
Although during my
initial experience with them I assumed that they were clothed,
in our intimate physical contact I never felt any clothing
whatsoever.
 
Fighting well and
hard for a long time, ultimately I was spent. Lying there
exhausted amongst them, they began to calm down since I
was no longer the amusement that I had been. Most of the
beings gave up in disappointment because I was no longer
amusing, but a few still picked and gnawed at me and ridiculed
me for no longer being any fun. By this time I had been
pretty much taken apart. People were still picking at me,
occasionally, and I just lay there all torn up, unable to
resist.
 
Exactly what happened
was ... and I'm not going to try and explain this. From
inside of me I felt a voice, my voice, say, "Pray to God."
 
My mind responded
to that, "I don't pray. I don't know how to pray."
 
This is a guy lying
on the ground in the darkness surrounded by what appeared
to be dozens if not hundreds and hundreds of vicious creatures
who had just torn him up. The situation seemed utterly hopeless,
and I seemed beyond any possible help whether I believed
in God or not.
 
The voice again told
me to pray to God. It was a dilemma since I didn't know
how. The voice told me a third time to pray to God.
 
I started saying
things like, "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want
... God bless America" and anything else that seemed to
have a religious connotation.
 
And these people
went into a frenzy, as if I had thrown boiling oil all over
them. They began yelling and screaming at me, telling me
to quit, that there was no God, and no one could hear me.
While they screamed and yelled obscenities, they also began
backing away from me as if I were poison. As they were retreating,
they became more rabid, cursing and screaming that what
I was saying was worthless and that I was a coward.
 
I screamed back at
them, "Our Father who art in heaven," and similar
ideas. This continued for some time until, suddenly, I was
aware that they had left. It was dark, and I was alone yelling
things that sounded churchy. It was pleasing to me that
these churchy sayings had such an effect on those awful
beings.
 
Lying there for a
long time, I was in such a state of hopelessness, and blackness,
and despair, that I had no way of measuring how long it
was. I was just lying there in an unknown place all torn
and ripped. And I had no strength; it was all gone. It seemed
as if I were sort of fading out, that any effort on my part
would expend the last energy I had. My conscious sense was
that I was perishing, or just sinking into the darkness.

Howard Storm's NDE.

The Rescue

Now
I didn't know if I was even in the world. But I did know that
I was here. I was real, all my senses worked too painfully well.
I didn't know how I had arrived here. There was no direction
to follow even if I had been physically able to move. The agony
that I had suffered during the day was nothing compared to what
I was feeling now. I knew then that this was the absolute end
of my existence, and it was more horrible than anything I could
possibly have imagined.
 
Then a most unusual thing happened. I
heard very clearly, once again in my own voice, something that
I had learned in nursery Sunday School. It was the little song, "Jesus
loves me, yes I know ..." and it kept repeating. I don't
know why, but all of a sudden I wanted to believe that. Not
having anything left, I wanted to cling to that thought. And
I, inside, screamed, "Jesus, please save me."
 
That thought was screamed with every
ounce of strength and feeling left in me.
 
When I did that, I saw, off in the darkness
somewhere, the tiniest little star. Not knowing what it was,
I presumed it must be a comet or a meteor, because it was moving
rapidly. Then I realized it was coming toward me. It was getting
very bright, rapidly.
 
When the light came near, its radiance
spilled over me, and I just rose up – not with my effort –
I just lifted up. Then I saw – and I saw this very plainly –
I saw all my wounds, all my tears, all my brokenness, melt away.
And I became whole in this radiance.
 
What I did was to cry uncontrollably.
I was crying, not out of sadness, but because I was feeling
things that I had never felt before in my life.
 
Another thing happened. Suddenly I knew
a whole bunch of things. I knew things ... I knew that this
light, this radiance, knew me. I don't know how to explain to
you that I knew it knew me, I just did. As a matter of fact,
I understood that it knew me better than my mother or father
did. The luminous entity that embraced me knew me intimately
and began to communicate a tremendous sense of knowledge. I
knew that he knew everything about me and I was being unconditionally
loved and accepted.
 
The light conveyed to me that it loved
me in a way that I can't begin to express. It loved me in a
way that I had never known that love could possibly be. He was
a concentrated field of energy, radiant in splendor indescribable,
except to say goodness and love. This was more loving than one
can imagine.
 
I knew that this radiant being was powerful.
It was making me feel so good all over. I could feel its light
on me – like very gentle hands around me. And I could feel
it holding me. But it was loving me with overwhelming power.
After what I had been through, to be completely known, accepted,
and intensely loved by this Being of Light surpassed anything
I had known or could have imagined. I began to cry and the tears
kept coming and coming. And we, I and this light, went up and
out of there.
 
We started going faster and faster, out
of the darkness. Embraced by the light, feeling wonderful and
crying, I saw off in the distance something that looked like
the picture of a galaxy, except that it was larger and there
were more stars than I had seen on Earth.
 
There was a great center of brilliance.
In the center there was an enormously bright concentration.
Outside the center countless millions of spheres of light were
flying about entering and leaving what was a great being-ness
at the center. It was off in the distance.
 
Then I ... I didn't say it, I thought
it. I said, "Put me back."
 
What I meant by telling the light to
put me back, was to put me back into the pit. I was so ashamed
of who I was, and what I had been all of my life, that all I
wanted to do was hide in the darkness. I didn't want to go toward
the light anymore – I did; yet I didn't. How many times in my
life had I denied and scoffed at the reality before me, and
how many thousands of times had I used it as a curse. What incredible
intellectual arrogance to use the name as an insult. I
was afraid to go closer. I was also aware that the incredible
intensity of the emanations might disintegrate what I still
experienced as my intact physical body.
 
The being who was supporting me, my friend,
was aware of my fear and reluctance and shame. For the first
time he spoke to my mind in a male voice and told me that if
I was uncomfortable we didn't have to go closer. So we
stopped where we were, still countless miles away from the Great
being.
 
For the first time, my friend, and I
will refer to him in that context hereafter, said to me, "You
belong here."
 
[Webmaster note: Howard believes his
friend was Jesus.]
 
Facing all the splendor made me acutely
aware of my lowly condition. My response was: "No, you've made
a mistake, put me back."
 
And he said, "We don't make mistakes.
You belong."
 
Then he called out in a musical tone
to the luminous entities who surrounded the great center. Several
came and circled around us. During what follows some came and
went but normally there were five or six and sometimes as many
as eight with us.
 
I was still crying. One of the first
things these marvelous beings did was to ask, all with thought,
"Are you afraid of us?"
 
I told them I wasn't.
 
They said that they could turn their
brilliance down and appear as people, and I told them to stay
as they were. They were the most beautiful, the most ...
 
As an aside, I'm an artist. There are
three primary, three secondary, and six tertiary colors in the
visible light spectrum. Here, I was seeing a visible light spectrum
with at least 80 new primary colors. I was also seeing this
brilliance. It's disappointing for me to try and describe, because
I can't – I was seeing colors that I had never seen before.
 
What these beings were showing me was
their glory. I wasn't really seeing them. And I was perfectly
content. Having come from a world of shapes and forms, I was
delighted with this new, formless, world. These beings were
giving me what I needed at that time.
 
To my surprise, and also distress, they
seemed to be capable of knowing everything I was thinking. I
didn't know whether I would be capable of controlling my thoughts
and keeping anything secret.
 
We began to engage in thought exchange,
conversation that was very natural, very easy and casual. I
heard their voices clearly and individually. They each had a
distinct personality with a voice, but they spoke directly to
my mind, not my ears.  And they used normal, colloquial
English. Everything I thought, they knew.
 
They all seemed to know and understand
me very well and to be completely familiar with my thoughts
and my past. I didn't feel any desire to ask for someone I had
known because they all knew me. Nobody could know me any better.
It also didn't occur to me to try to identify them as uncle
or grandfather. It was like going to a large gathering of relatives
at Christmas and not being quite able to remember their names
or who they are married to or how they are connected to you.
But you do know that you are with your family. I don't know
if they were related to me or not. It felt like they were closer
to me than anyone I had ever known.
 
Throughout my conversation with the luminous
beings, which lasted for what seemed like a very long time,
I was being physically supported by the being in whom I had
been engulfed. We were in a sense completely stationary yet
hanging in space. Everywhere around us were countless radiant
beings, like stars in the sky, coming and going. It was like
a super magnified view of a galaxy super packed with stars.
And in the giant radiance of the center they were packed so
densely together that individuals could not be identified. Their
selves were in such harmony with the Creator that they were
really just one.
 
One of the reasons, I was told, that
all the countless beings had to go back to their source was
to become invigorated with this sense of harmony and oneness.
Being apart for too long a time diminished them and made them
feel separate. Their greatest pleasure was to go back to the
sources of all life.
 
Our initial conversation involved them
simply trying to comfort me.
 
Something that disturbed me was that
I was naked. Somewhere in the darkness I'd lost my hospital
gown. I was a human being. I had a body. They told me this was
okay. They were quite familiar with my anatomy. Gradually I
relaxed and stopped trying to cover my privates with my hands.
 
Next, they wanted to talk about my life.
To my surprise my life played out before me, maybe six or eight
feet in front of me, from beginning to end. The life review
was very much in their control, and they showed me my life,
but not from my point of view. I saw me in my life and this
whole thing was a lesson, even though I didn't know it at the
time. They were trying to teach me something, but I didn't know
it was a teaching experience, because I didn't know that I would
be coming back.
 
We just watched my life from beginning
to the end. Some things they slowed down on, and zoomed in on
and other things they went right through. My life was shown
in a way that I had never thought of before. All of the things
that I had worked to achieve, the recognition that I had worked
for, in elementary school, in high school, in college, and in
my career, they meant nothing in this setting.
 
I could feel their feelings of sorrow
and suffering, or joy, as my life's review unfolded. They didn't
say that something was bad or good, but I could feel it. And
I could sense all those things they were indifferent to. They
didn't, for example, look down on my high school shot-put record.
They just didn't feel anything towards it, nor towards other
things which I had taken so much pride in.
 
What they responded to was how I had
interacted with other people. That was the long and short of
it. Unfortunately, most of my interactions with other people
didn't measure up with how I should have interacted, which was
in a loving way.
 
Whenever I did react during my life in
a loving way they rejoiced.
 
Most of the time I found that my interactions
with other people had been manipulative. During my professional
career, for example, I saw myself sitting in my office, playing
the college professor, while a student came to me with a personal
problem. I sat there looking compassionate, and patient, and
loving, while inside I was bored to death. I would check my
watch under my desk as I anxiously waited for the student to
finish.
 
I got to go through all those kinds of
experiences in the company of these magnificent beings.
 
When I was a teenager my father's career
put him into a high-stress, twelve-hour-a-day job. Out of my
resentment because of his neglect of me, when he came home from
work, I would be cold and indifferent toward him. This made
him angry, and it gave me further excuse to feel hatred toward
him. He and I fought, and my mother would get upset.
 
Most of my life I had felt that my father
was the villain and I was the victim. When we reviewed my life
I got to see how I had precipitated so much of that, myself.
Instead of greeting him happily at the end of a day, I was continually
putting thorns in him in order to justify my hurt.
 
I got to see when my sister had a bad
night one night, how I went into her bedroom and put my arms
around her. Not saying anything, I just lay there with my arms
around her. As it turned out that experience was one of the
biggest triumphs of my life.

I only read the first part.

This is why some people call bipolar an awakening. When he left his body, and looked down on himself, this is what it feels like to be in mania. This is why we go off meds.

Howard Storm's account had a fairly profound impact on me the first time I read it, because it struck me as authentic.

I was listening to a program on NPR talk radio the other day about this subject.  Not all are the same and not everyone who experiences this wants to stay on he other side either.  It seems as these NDEs can be classified into positive experiences much like what you describe, but also negative.  Some experience complete loneliness and a sense of dispair.  Oddly, those havin the positive experiences were thought by their friends and loved ones to be good, content people comfortable in their self.  Those experiencing the negative were not thought to have been nice people.   Something to think about...

I wasn't expecting something this heavy at 3am.