I tried googling it, I am none the wiser. I really don't get it.
I know I'm not very empathetic but I usually understand things even if I can't empathise, not in this case tho.
The divorce is something they don't understand that triggers a crisis in their lives. Suddenly, for reasons completely out of their control, their environment changes to a more hostile, chaotic one. In times of crisis they're supposed to look up to their parents for stability, but unfortunately, those pillars of stability are the ones that are the most unstable at the time of the divorce.
If you are not empathetic at all, then you can view the divorce as a good thing for you. Because it gives you freedom. Both of your "tormentors" are busy with some shit you don't care about, so it's happy free times for you :3. This is not the case for someone that relies on the support and validation they get from their parents. It's also not the case for someone that cares about their sadness or happiness, both of the parents will be sad, making the empathetic person sad. They'll feel second hand guilt as well, because they'll try to make it better, but they're powerless in doing so.
Moreso, when they're separated, they'll miss the parent they're not with. And they'll miss the times when everyone was together. Because empathetic people like those and don't consider them a burden.
/armchair psychology
A shadow not so dark.
last edit on
12/14/2019 4:24:41 PM
The divorce is something they don't understand that triggers a crisis in their lives. Suddenly, for reasons completely out of their control, their environment changes to a more hostile, chaotic one. In times of crisis they're supposed to look up to their parents for stability, but unfortunately, those pillars of stability are the ones that are the most unstable at the time of the divorce.
If you are not empathetic at all, then you can view the divorce as a good thing for you. Because it gives you freedom. Both of your "tormentors" are busy with some shit you don't care about, so it's happy free times for you :3. This is not the case for someone that relies on the support and validation they get from their parents. It's also not the case for someone that cares about their sadness or happiness, both of the parents will be sad, making the empathetic person sad. They'll feel second hand guilt as well, because they'll try to make it better, but they're powerless in doing so.
Moreso, when they're separated, they'll miss the parent they're not with. And they'll miss the times when everyone was together. Because empathetic people like those and don't consider them a burden.
/armchair psychology
why don't they understand it? are they dumb or like, younger than 2? and would you say it *usually* changes to a more hostile, chaotic one? If my parents had divorced then I think it would have been more stable. I still don't really understand, tho I will take your word for it that they feel guilty and whatnot.
commonly they blame themselves for it, but apart from that issue,
it's considered a trauma, so how we process trauma... shapes who we are or greatly impacts us... it's just a brain psychology thing.
on the list of like "stressful" events, death in the family, and divorce are right up there listed next to a recent break up. there is a list of about a dozen things or so, you know. losing a job, things like that. that are considered, "highly critical stressful events" that are known to, be associated with, mental breakdowns essentially.
and they're given more leeway in terms of, how much absence time you are allowed from work or school- and they always asses if you have been exposed to one or more of these events when you're working with a therapist or freshly admitted to a psych ward, because of how closely correlated they are with mental breakdown.
it's just a lot to process. for people.
last edit on
12/14/2019 4:33:28 PM
commonly they blame themselves for it, but apart from that issue,
it's considered a trauma, so how we process trauma... shapes who we are or greatly impacts us... it's just a brain psychology thing.
why is it considered a trauma? who decided it was? why is it traumatic? I don't get it.
Perhaps they do understand it, but they don't accept it and have to cope somehow with that, on their own. Going through the stages of grief for it and whatnot.
is it because it's a change tho? do babies born into divorced homes find it traumatic also?
I've never thought about that. Maybe? There's stuff out there on what sort of love and care babies need, and if they don't get it from both parents, it affects them negatively. If the to-be divorced couple does a lot of yelling at each other -which is to be expected- in the presence of the baby, the baby will also be affected by that. I'd go on a limb and say it affects them way less than it would affect an older child.
There are tons of negative effects of growing up being raised by a single parent. And while in theory a step-parent can be as good as a normal one, it REALLY depends on the type of person they are. The step parent has got to love the kid that's not theirs. Otherwise it's a symbol of their partner loving someone else, and they'll simply hate that. Channelling all their jealousy, hate and vitriol into the child that's not theirs. Even if they try to love that child rationally, if they're that type, they just won't be able to do it, and this will leave a mark on the child.
A shadow not so dark.
I've never thought about that. Maybe? There's stuff out there on what sort of love and care babies need, and if they don't get it from both parents, it affects them negatively. If the to-be divorced couple does a lot of yelling at each other -which is to be expected- in the presence of the baby, the baby will also be affected by that. I'd go on a limb and say it affects them way less than it would affect an older child.
There are tons of negative effects of growing up being raised by a single parent. And while in theory a step-parent can be as good as a normal one, it REALLY depends on the type of person they are. The step parent has got to love the kid that's not theirs. Otherwise it's a symbol of their partner loving someone else, and they'll simply hate that. Channelling all their jealousy, hate and vitriol into the child that's not theirs. Even if they try to love that child rationally, if they're that type, they just won't be able to do it, and this will leave a mark on the child.
how much older? I think a teenager would find it less traumatic also surely? is there a sweet spot for divorce trauma? so then is a single parent child who has an active grandparent in the same boat as a child with two siblings? also what is the definition of vitriol? I could google it, and pretend that I knew, but I ain't about that pretense.
It's an old name for sulphuric acid, means bitter criticism or malice. I like using this word, the way it sounds is violent enough to make it in sync with its meaning.
I don't know, depends on the situation? In general having more people there, both adults and siblings, should make it better and easier to cope, unless they also become elements of distress. The older they get the worse it is for them, maybe till like 7-10???, then it starts getting easier, since teens start to be selfish and involved in their own drama. And when the child's moved out then it's at the level of "who gives a fuck, my parents are insane, I don't like how they're feeling tho"
A shadow not so dark.