Sociopath Community

Tryptamine said: 

It's fine to have a trial without meds, but you're supposed to taper them. For multiple reasons.

Yeah... cold turkey's how you basically enter a feast-or-famine mindset. She's essentially sabotaging herself imo. 

Blanc knows how drugs work yet still insists on going cold turkey with the meds, suggesting she's responding this way as an emotional reason as opposed to a planned out one. Then she'll likely be like "Guys it's too hard and I'm on these for a reason" and "Who I am without the meds is terrible" to justify jumping back onto them. 

...and when she does, her tolerance will be lowered, which on some level may even be the goal for her. She may even be judging the spikes of the drug as if that's "when it's working" as opposed to the diminished effects that follow tolerance forming being that. 

When people become hungry for pharmaceuticals, it can get rough when they feel like they need more to achieve the same initial high. She really ought to study how "Harm Reduction" works, especially since that's how most addicts tend to recover. 

maybe you're right and it's a mistake to do things this way, if things get particularly rough I will go back on and then do the taper method. 

Not much to report on day 5, I accidentally slept the entire day. 

I don't know why but pretty much since October I've had a really hard time not sleeping too much, it's probably dietary and just needing to take my supplements/iron. I don't know. 

But like, I cannot *stop* sleeping. Literally, every- day. 

I try to get momentum in the mornings but I just inevitably fall asleep like every time. 

So that's where I'm at right now I'm just like struggling to stay awake. 

I don't think it's the withdrawal from meds because I was like this before I stopped taking them as well. This is an issue with my own body or it could even be like psychological depression I don't know. 

But yeah fatigue is like a major struggle for me lately. I just don't have the energy to do anything. But sleep. 

going to work on correcting it... with supplements diet and life style see what happens. 

It's better since going off the meds honestly, and I still slept literally all day today. So that shows you how bad the fatigue was before. It was worse than someone who sleeps 12 hours a day. 

It was like, existing in a fog of just pure sleepiness all the time. 

At least this way, after I do sleep for fucking 16 hours, I am well rested enough to accomplish minor tasks and feel pretty okay enough to do things like clean, shop, idk, laundry, shower, dishes. 

Before quitting the meds I didn't even have the energy to do these basic things. And the inspiration and motivation toward anything in life was just absent. And even if I did want to accomplish something, I was too tired to do it- my focus couldn't stick, you know. It just didn't work. 

Anyways, I feel relatively alright right now energy wise- I should for god sake. But yeah uh, I mean it's hard to explain the feeling with words but like. Everyone else's energy level during a given day is like anywhere from a 7-above ten, and that's how they are like everyday. Naturally. 

And how I am everyday is like, I never reach a five out of ten.... 

I'm just always kind of slow and... lethargic. Compared to everyone else like I actually move and do things slower, I talk slower... I talk less. I'm just kind of like sighing between words and not really caring to add to conversations and, I feel like shit. 

Everyone else is like, having a great time shopping or whatever, and I'm just like can I please go home... and being around people is exhausting even at my parents house like, with lots of family around, I just want to go home and by be myself because I want to lay down. 

Everyone else is chit chatting and I'm usually laying down cuddling with my pitbull or sometimes, in the middle of a family gathering, I literally have to leave and go take a nap back in my bedroom for two hours, and then come back out for the bonfire we were having... 

I notice eating makes it worse too so. My doctor said gluten intolerance will do this to you so that's why... but I find no matter what. It's like yes I'm tired and starving without eating, but I'm even more *tired* and lethargic from eating. So I kind of avoid it if I can and just drink coffee for a lil boost so I can at least sit up straight. 

But that doesn't even work that well anymore I have to put shots of espresso in it. 

I'm just fucking exhausted all the time man.... I dunno! I wish I could fix it so I'm going to try my best but, yeah I'm just a very tired and sleepy person lately and the meds make it even worse I don't know what's fucking wrong with me. 

Probably the anemia. I'm hoping it's just the anemia/nutritional deficiencies. (which I do have, metabolically pretty severely). 

Normal iron level for people is, averaging in the 70's. Mine is four. four. Lol. 

My doctor was like, "no wonder you can't get out of bed." She literally said that so. 

I don't know... it's just..like. I wish I could stop being this way it's like I'm spaghetti, like I feel like a limp noodle all the time. 

Floppy. Like my grip is kind of weak and I just can't like.. even driving is like hard. And I thought I was just being spoiled by being like, "I need a driver" but seriously I just can't pay attention everything is a blur and I feel so... fucking tired I just.. idk. 

Everything is hard like. Moving through thick mud. Day in and day out. 

The only reason I have the energy to write these posts is because I stopped taking my meds, but otherwise I struggle to even find the motivation to do that a lot of the time. Jacking yourself on espresso helps. But you only like tweak for two hours if you're lucky and then you're back out like a light snoozing. 

Today for instance I woke up like, four or five times. I had the opportunity to stop napping and get up but I was so fucking tired I couldn't do it. Like I couldn't get up. 

But anyways uh... I'm going to stop ranting about my thoughts on my massive fatigue issue and go take my iron (yes it's chelated). 

All my supplements are designed to actually work for my metabolism don't worry... my doc is a *really* excellent doctor. I just don't follow her rules enough so that's why I feel like shit probably. 

So I'm going to try to start... it's just the plan she had me on wasn't vegan... and I really feel bad about eating animals. 

But she said, "with the condition you're in you can't... be eating like this." Like crackers and oranges and stuff isn't enough like... she said I have to actually eat meat and like bone broth and shit...

and I'm like *vomits* *cries* 

But yeah uh... I'm going to have to start incorporating meat into my diet if I want to feel better.... idk... :/ I'll research it and see... but she explained to me there isn't a way around it because blah blah blah things in the meat blah blah blah blah 

it also has to be hormone free blah blah blah grass fed blah blah blah bull shit ugh YUCK I'm so disgusted I really can't.. do this. lol mmmmm no... I can't do this... idk. I'll figure something out. I can't eat a cow I'm sorry I just can't fucking do that. IDK

What meds?

I don't think it's the withdrawal from meds because I was like this before I stopped taking them as well. This is an issue with my own body or it could even be like psychological depression I don't know. 

you're so fucking funny. psychological depression lmaoooo..bruh you're just never ending attention seeking, i'm starting to really feel bad for you. you're incapable of happiness aren't you?

Blanc said: 

I'm tired of being numb, it clearly wasn't working for me.

 

 Can't drive away demons with meds, they need to be excorcised in the name of The Holy Christ with the host's consentual participation.

okay day five, didn't go so well. at night I started having a panic attack that I couldn't calm down with normal means (I tried everything) 

and I was losing it. hard to explain what was going through my head at the time, and it's day 6 now and I'm still doing poorly so id on't want to get into it and trigger myself further than I already am 

but basically my entire body was shaking and it's obviously just, a symptom of the withdrawal from the meds... the high high anxiety. and yeah. I had to get some klonopin and then I was fine-ish enough to at least sleep 

wish I had more klonopin now as I'm still... wavering.. with it. but uh... yeah ... mmmm 

so I thought I could just go off the meds and be fine as long as I avoided triggers but now I understand that this is a symptom of withdrawal not a result of any trigger and will happen invetibly from quitting lexapro cold turkey. 

basically, it's near impossible. 

was having an "episode" as a result of it. 

but yeah uh, I'm still doing pretty bad because it takes a bit for it to build back up in ur system and, more klonopin would be appreciated but I don't have any so... I'm going to make some phone calls. 

fuck. 

#that was a mistake 

#lesson learned 

#fuck 

You say the drugs are not working, but you're going back on them because of the withdrawal symptoms that come of it. That's not even codependency that has you on meds, it's addiction.

Dumbass. 

Spatial Mind said: 

You say the drugs are not working, but you're going back on them because of the withdrawal symptoms that come of it. That's not even codependency that has you on meds, it's addiction.

It might not be the withdrawal, it might be the expectation from the drug itself that becomes increasingly disappointing through tolerance. 

It's addiction either way. 

Blanc said: 

okay day five, didn't go so well. at night I started having a panic attack that I couldn't calm down with normal means (I tried everything) 

 

and I was losing it. hard to explain what was going through my head at the time, and it's day 6 now and I'm still doing poorly so id on't want to get into it and trigger myself further than I already am 

 

but basically my entire body was shaking and it's obviously just, a symptom of the withdrawal from the meds... the high high anxiety. and yeah. I had to get some klonopin and then I was fine-ish enough to at least sleep 

 

wish I had more klonopin now as I'm still... wavering.. with it. but uh... yeah ... mmmm 

 

so I thought I could just go off the meds and be fine as long as I avoided triggers but now I understand that this is a symptom of withdrawal not a result of any trigger and will happen invetibly from quitting lexapro cold turkey. 

 

basically, it's near impossible. 

 

was having an "episode" as a result of it. 

 

but yeah uh, I'm still doing pretty bad because it takes a bit for it to build back up in ur system and, more klonopin would be appreciated but I don't have any so... I'm going to make some phone calls. 

 

fuck. 

 

#that was a mistake 

 

#lesson learned 

 

#fuck 

 you're a fucking retard my love