1 - in high school, brought girl home to my bedroom, asked her "uh so are we having sex now or something"
2 - got clowned by a buddy into doing squats in front of my crush to impress her
3 - she invited me to her house and said we will not have sex, I thought she rejected me, blocked her
at this point I feel like its Allah making sure I get laid by luck
This morning I got so baked I watched the same episode of naruto twice, thinking the second viewing was all a flashback episode of the previous episode. Took about 15min to catch on. I was eating cereal and internet browsing in my defense.
Moments?
I don't feel like typing an entire autobiography right now.
do it faggot
This morning I got so baked I watched the same episode of naruto twice, thinking the second viewing was all a flashback episode of the previous episode. Took about 15min to catch on. I was eating cereal and internet browsing in my defense.
woah so high 420 life bro!
1 - in high school, brought girl home to my bedroom, asked her "uh so are we having sex now or something"
2 - got clowned by a buddy into doing squats in front of my crush to impress her
3 - she invited me to her house and said we will not have sex, I thought she rejected me, blocked her
at this point I feel like its Allah making sure I get laid by luck
Lmfao. Did these work?
Tried to open a door for a girl. My plan was to push it open, step in, then hold the door and motion for her to walk by. The door was pull- only and when I realized I tried to pull quickly to hide the fact I'd just tried to push it. I hit her in the boob with my elbow.
I was 10 years old at summer camp in Switzerland and some girl complimented my backpack, I awkwardly thanked her and only later I found out that she was into me.
I'm much older now and nobody has told me they like my backpack ever since
aww
i envy u for going to switzerland
1 - in high school, brought girl home to my bedroom, asked her "uh so are we having sex now or something"
2 - got clowned by a buddy into doing squats in front of my crush to impress her
3 - she invited me to her house and said we will not have sex, I thought she rejected me, blocked her
at this point I feel like its Allah making sure I get laid by luck
Lmfao. Did these work?
1st worked, she rolled her eyes and started kissing me, the 2nd one the girl laughed and I beat the buddy up for embarrassing me, third the girl ghosted me
Tried to open a door for a girl. My plan was to push it open, step in, then hold the door and motion for her to walk by. The door was pull- only and when I realized I tried to pull quickly to hide the fact I'd just tried to push it. I hit her in the boob with my elbow.
KEK I did this for a girl who was struggling to open the door and ended up pushing her foot under the door and having her scream like a banshee
I ran off
I was 16 and my friend had sort of threw me at this girl. I told her I had netflix and she could come over to watch. This was a lie, I had crackle(free movie app) and just acted like the netflix wasnt working. I put on the movie Shottas and not a word was said for a good half hour as we laid in my bed.
Eventually our faces ended up very close, I got about nose tip to nose tip with her when I said "can I kiss you?" she told me I dont need to ask that and laughed it off. I went down to finger her and she stopped me. Told me she "hadn't prepared that place" I told her I could look past some things. I reach my fingers down and it's the thickest, longest and curl pubes I've ever seen. I still powered through but my two fingers got caught in her pubes.
I had to slowly unsnare my finger while trying to play it off that I was intentionally touching her that way. That didn't work, her eyes widened as I saw embarassment on her face, I in my rush to fix the problem reflexively just pulled my fingers out quickly ripping a few hairs. I she held back her pain and we watched the rest of the video in silence.
A side note, I think the most autistic thing about this is that I didn't even find this girl attractive and had no real desire to date or have sex with her. But I figured I was a young man and things would just click if I got far enough
My most recent autistic moment:
I had to break the news of my friend's death to his wife, an Italian bella with poor English. I don't really feel like getting into the details of how he died, but I'll just say that it had absolutely nothing to do with me. But I did see how he died.
So, anyway.... I was telling her the story, and she started to sob hysterically.. I'm really bad at this kind of shit anyway.. I anyway went on and explained what happened and the fact that I wasn't able to do anything about his death. When I finished, she just kept sobbing so I thought I'd hug her, but the moment I did, she let out this insane shriek and tried to stab me to death with a potato peeler.
"Bruno!" she howled as she tried to fucking stab me in all the vitals. Luckily, I could grabble her to this police lock with her arm behind her back until the potato peeler dropped. She was lashing at me with her long-nailed fingers all this time.
I was just confused as fuck and was screaming what the hell is the matter with her, when she wrestled free and bumped her head on the floor. Honestly she had tears coming out and she had the most hateful frenzy-filled look I've ever seen and she kept coming at me.
She was nearly as tall as me and quite well-built, and I was terrified she might actually succeed in killing me or something. After strenuous effort and a solid punch to my nose I could, at last, force her down as I was repeatedly swearing I didn't do anything to his husband and that it wasnt my fault.
The moment I released my hold a bit she kicked me in the groin, I crumbled down into fetus position and started crying, and she went out of sight. I got up just in time to see this horror scnee where she was back from the kitchen with a long bread knife and was coming at me. Upon witnessing the scne,e I let out this womanly scream of dismay like I was just as insane as her. I could dodge the first strike by the inch. I pushed her down and she hit the bed frame and fucking all the furniture and shit went all up in the sky and came crashing down. I hopped on the bed and put her in this BJJ lock, taking both her hands and seizing her movements.
I was yelling "what do you *want* from me?" in absolutely exasperated confusion. She just kept spitting at me, clawing, biting me. I had a very brief moment of getting turned on by this woman now under me (she wasn't wearing much) which made me feel really ashamed but mostly I was filled with horror by the fact that I was now bleeding and she just tried to kill me. At the time I was wondering how the hell now that she was subdued would I ever escape the house without getting murdered. I could feel her buffeting thighs and knees around my leg and I slowly became pretty conscious of this firm, young woman's body beating under me in a meacing temptation. She was no longer resisting, but instead I realized that she was heaving her pelvis up against me in a primal, powerful, instinctual rhythm of erotic ardor and abandonment.
I gasped in delightful surprise. She was such a beauty, like a blooming flower, and now her face was distorted with a new type of torture, with an stultifying langour of desire.
As I stroked her hair, she drove her lips against mine with savage passion. I kissed her face, moved towards the neck, down, down.... As I found myself falling hopelessly in love with this young flower. Her lips were soft like peach, and I moved further and further down her body, unbuckling my pants and feeling heavenly bliss and rapture, ecstacy, two worlds combining, flowers blooming, and as I looked up, this bitch had grabbed the long bread knife again and I was disillusioned back to the horror of the real world. The whore was still trying to kill me!
I saved myself just in time by jumping up, and by moving swiftly to the side. I didn't know whether to dart through the door to freedom or collapse on the bed to fall in love with her again. But this time she bursted into this awful, pitiful, howling wail, forgetting all about me. It was like I didn't even exist... It was really a pathetic scene with her shoulders sagging and choking from the tears and wailing. I decided to console her... "There, there.." It's ok, and so on.. She kept crying for maybe 20 minutes until she became absolutely too weak to do anthing. I handed her my handkerchief and she kept thanking me like some school girl with this stupidly polite smile and maidenly propriety. And then without any warning she clawed into both my eyes and let out a victorious shriek "Ha! Assassino!" As she joyously raced across the room for the bread knife to finish me off.
Half-blinded, I stumbled on my ass and was crawling for the door, only to have my senses reel in horror at what I saw. The whore's kid sister, of all people, was standing there with a Japanese kitchen knife. I took the chair sitting next to me and catapulted it into the kid's head, which made her fall down the stairs, and rushed for the exit.
Now I'm at home and I'm afraid to open the door in case these insane monsters lie in wait there.
The end.
