Sociopath Community

Xadem said: 

Turncoat said: 

Kestrel said: 

Not needing to be above people or worrying about it. It's a basic bitch trait and a hard thing to reduce down to a subconscious level

It's still you doing it by telling yourself that you're better than those who do. 

It's a corkscrewed version of the exact same behaviors, just with narcy denial as it's spice. 

Yes that is a very good observation. However if you do end up feeling better than others, that just means you never cared about improving in the first place.

Unless it's compensation, which is usually a lot of it. 

I mean mine clearly is, I feel often out of control and like I'm a witness/film critic of my own life, and when I see others more out of control in the moment than I am it confirms that it's "Not Just Me", but... with some ego flavoring. 

It's a release, and instead of denying it I find it better to say it plainly so that it's expected enough to have my environment keep it in check. 

It just shows that losing your ego is harder than it seems. 

If you ask me, a strong dose of ego is a healthy thing. It's when the ego is diminishing in pain that compensation behaviors appear at all, and I am no better for it than most other people. 

A person who is truly detached though becomes like a stone, raw inertia. That's no way to live, I'd rather seek out passionate exchanges and learn what people are about in more ways than they want to show me. 

Ego is needed to emote at all. If you've seen people that cannot access their anger because of a weak ego... they are typically a doormat. 

CourteneyCoxFan said: 

I don't need a reason. I just do.

 This is what I would've responded a few years ago, classic narc reply.

Nothing makes me feel above others. I see myself on the same level as any other human without doing any mental gymnastics.

Turncoat said: 

Xadem said: 

Turncoat said: 

Kestrel said: 

Not needing to be above people or worrying about it. It's a basic bitch trait and a hard thing to reduce down to a subconscious level

It's still you doing it by telling yourself that you're better than those who do. 

It's a corkscrewed version of the exact same behaviors, just with narcy denial as it's spice. 

Yes that is a very good observation. However if you do end up feeling better than others, that just means you never cared about improving in the first place.

Unless it's compensation, which is usually a lot of it. 

I mean mine clearly is, I feel often out of control and like I'm a witness/film critic of my own life, and when I see others more out of control in the moment than I am it confirms that it's "Not Just Me", but... with some ego flavoring. 

It's a release, and instead of denying it I find it better to say it plainly so that it's expected enough to have my environment keep it in check. 

Maybe we aren't talking about the same thing? This does sound like a coping mechanism. Which is a sign of an unhealthy ego I guess. 

It just shows that losing your ego is harder than it seems. 

If you ask me, a strong dose of ego is a healthy thing. It's when the ego is lacking that compensation behaviors appear at all, and I am no better for it than most other people. 

A person who is truly detached becomes like a stone, raw inertia. That's no way to live, I'd rather seek out passionate exchanges and learn what people are about in more ways than they want to show me. 

My wording was unfortunate. I'd replace "losing" with "making peace with".

I am not talking about compensating, which sounds unhealthy. I am in fact arguing for a healthy approach which includes image of the self, and others. Ego is all around us and too little or too much are both very ugly to witness. It's important to admit that you can't ever truly escape it. 

For me, learning to detach and relativate and put into perspective has proven to be freeing. I don't take life, or myself too seriously and there's always humour to be found in every situation. I think that if I let my ego get the better of me, this would be a very tough way of living. 

I also still think we might not be perceiving the ego in the same way. 

I don't feel "above" other people. There's some potential in mostly anyone. After I've considered if there's anything worthwhile in there, the person's either literal scum, or a fellow human being.

user22212 said: 

I don't feel "above" other people. There's some potential in mostly anyone. After I've considered if there's anything worthwhile in there, the person's either literal scum, or a fellow human being.

 So do you think scum is better than you or something? 

No. They're not people.

Xadem said: 

I am not talking about compensating, which sounds unhealthy.

When everyone does it to some degree, I'd say it's more about the variations within it than anything. 

No one wants to feel like they're shit, but the world has a way of trying to rub us that way. 

I am in fact arguing for a healthy approach which includes image of the self, and others. Ego is all around us and too little or too much are both very ugly to witness. It's important to admit that you can't ever truly escape it. 

"We can't help ourselves."

Even to try to escape one, people will end up stuck adopting another in it's place. It is inevitable. 

I'd argue that self awareness is the best path for working around it, as if it has to happen then it might as well carry as little collateral damage as possible. If it can be indulged in harmlessly, I'd say it's not a problem at all. 

I mean enjoying dark comedy couldn't happen without some level of comparative ego poise. 

For me, learning to detach and relativate and put into perspective has proven to be freeing. I don't take life, or myself too seriously and there's always humour to be found in every situation. I think that if I let my ego get the better of me, this would be a very tough way of living. 

I've been meanwhile doing that journey backwards. I am learning to accept my ego by actually letting it breathe, as when I kept it in it was all doormat behaviors, fears, and other bullshit that made me less than I can be. It's easy to detach and try to say things "don't matter", but then I'm not living life, I'm not having fun, I'm just struggling. 

I think it's better to learn to experience life, as too many people try to reduce it into "Logic" to streamline it into something easier to handle. 

It's like reading about Nihilism for many people, it's easy to read about, but hard to experience first-hand. 

Feelings are strength, detachment is avoidant fleeing with philosophical hype. 

I also still think we might not be perceiving the ego in the same way. 

How would you describe the ego? 

I rather like artworks that try to demonstrate that Buddhist detachment is unhealthy. It's sewn across a surprising amount of Pop Culture in subtle ways. 

• Fight Club twists it into knots until it shows how it makes no sense.
  
  
• The movie Forbidden Kingdom makes arguments in favor of passion and life over detached empty immortality, through both of their heroic mentors (The Monkey King and The Drunken "Immortal").
  
  
• Avatar the Last Airbender has Aang turn down detachment and power from The Guru when he tries to teach him the path to controlling The Avatar State, ending with Iroh complimenting his wisdom in picking love instead.
  
  
• Avatar Korra has a villain that is outright these ideals but with a destructively chaotic spin in season three.
  
  
• Knights of the Old Republic 1 and 2 go at length about how "The Light Side", aka Space Buddhism, is extremely repressive and unhealthy and why the dark side even is what it is as they see it (Sith are detached destroyers, Dark Jedi are passionate people).
  
  
• The Star Wars movies basically show that Yoda was wrong, twice, with both Luke and Anakin as followers.
  
  
• Even The Simpsons has Lisa go that route, and she's not any better for it while those unable to process it seem happier with their ability to just live life. 

Detachment is a drug with a lot of hype behind it, and I'd rather be Mel Brooks than Buddha. 

Turncoat said: 

Kestrel said: 

Not needing to be above people or worrying about it. It's a basic bitch trait and a hard thing to reduce down to a subconscious level

It's still you doing it by telling yourself that you're better than those who do. 

It's a corkscrewed version of the exact same behaviors, just with narcy denial as it's spice. 

Basically, if you really didn't care, the "basic bitch traits" wouldn't phase you at all or cause you to rank yourselves above them. It'd be closer to "They can't help themselves, and I am in no position to judge them for it". 

 That's how I take it, I'm just being crude. I don't rank myself above them and I'm just as crass when it comes to my own self evals. 

I think saying they can't help themselves is dangerous, I just see that level of self awareness as one of many factors that could raise the "value" of a person. My personal belief is that things tend to balance themselves out, if someone is low there they make up for it in other areas. Areas I can't see and cant judge

Kestrel said: 

I think saying they can't help themselves is dangerous

I'd argue it's just deterministic themes with in lieu of an ego that tries to delusionally tell us we're important enough to be the ones in control. When I think I am in control of my destiny, it becomes easy to project that they must be too, and that all they did were terribly purposeful choices. 

After ripping that bandage off of myself, it became easier to see the autopilots of others.