In this post I will address a feeling I often experience in response to loss, a feeling that a loss is coming, or the abscense of a partner (even if temporary). It is not sadness or grief and comes once those emotions have passed and can be best described as disassociative yet liberating. This feeling coincides with a continuation of "lone wolf" activities that were halted during the relations with the person who is no longer around and the longer I feel it the more the grief fades and I become consumed by my pasttimes. It is a warm and numbing rush; empty yet so distinctly an emotion. Along with it, I start to feel arrogant and powerful and beyond reproach. The odd emotion begins to consume me as I totally detach from the person I lost. The power I percieve fuels social charisma until someone new comes along. And arrogant me, whom feels empowered and has drowned out the memory of my past mistakes decides to begin a relationship. Then the numb, empty, warm, confident, and powerful feeling fades to something more familiar: love.
Until the next loss. that is.
What is this odd emotion I have described?
