Sociopath Community

Lena said: 

Its literally 1:39 am and I know it's way later for you how are you even staying awake at this point.

Turncoat said: 

Lena said: 

Turncoat said: 

Lena said:

I'm just no longer willing to do the toxic superficial friend routine.

Yet you keep going out of your way to set all sorts of boundaries that would force them to be fake. 

Realness requires tolerance from both sides, not just theirs. 

I'm not understanding what you aren't understanding, the boundary being "do not say racist things to me or about my friends" is not that difficult, I feel? If i do continue to be friends with someone that does not respect that I am forced to be fake with them, so in order to not have a superficial relationship with them it is best for both parties to simply not be friends.

You're stuck in such a black & white paradigm. 

I'd go with "don't say unduly unjust things about their character" and keep it to the specifics of that one person with individual factual corrections therein. At least in that case I'm correcting them over specifics instead of blanket statement generalizations that'd serve to weaken my argument. 

Otherwise when I see someone doing -ist behaviors, I've spent far, far too much time trying to correct it from back when I was more misguided. It's not worth it, it fixes nothing, and it shows the intolerance excused through peer-modeled self-justification and need for control present in the one doing it.

At the end of the day their shit doesn't matter, what matters is my comfort, and if I let what they do make me uncomfortable then that's on me to fix about myself, as if I aim to correct them instead that's not only imposing and controlling, but it also means nothing if I am to just go elsewhere and see it happening all over again. 

Basically, my stepping in to tell them off puts me at their level when it's justified and beneath it when it's an overreaction (such as in response to an idle joke). Time and Place matter for when it's warranted, and Context and Subtext matter to see when it's not. 

Definitely deal with it how ever you want, I'm falling asleep so I no longer have the drive to argue but I had a thing I was gonna say nut it's gone now

Blanc and I are not friends, so her comment was strange and sounds very unhealthy that she would try to force a friendship by calling me mean over a misunderstanding?

She explained it though and now you have her context (backed up by mine as well). To push against her at this point would only serve to show that you do not believe her. 

Yes, I just explained how it was strange to me.

So... how... did you take our relations before then? I did all sorts of snarky mockery and it looked like you got it. 

Were you just excusing me more than you might someone else? 

Wait what

What snarky mockery?

It goes in two ways:

1.)Me: "Hey, could you not call me a spic, tell your racist jokes to me or call my friends the n-word in dms? Public if possible as well but mostly here in dms." 

Them: oh sure, my bad.

See, I get the "in DMs", again, 1-on-1 difference. There's a lot I won't say to someone because of their individual sensitivities and feelings... but honestly that's mostly for my benefit more than theirs usually over thinking they couldn't take that from me, and I let them know that I feel that way pretty early. 

"Public if possible as well" is where you're imposing (and on top of that implying they may not have any control over it, as if it were really a matter of self-control in the first place) imo. They shouldn't have to bend to your will just because you don't like something, and you shouldn't feel like you're in any sort of "danger" (for lack of a better word) if they won't agree to your terms. 

I dont feel like I'm in any sort of danger tho? It's just not worth the effort to upkeep such a friendship if they cant respect certain boundaries.

If people could just practice some fucking tolerance we wouldn't be treading on each other so much. With tolerance we wouldn't feel invaded nor feel the need to invade another. 

"Tolerate my racism or else!"

So we just gotta tolerate cawks cp or...?

Them: LOL KYS N***ER

See I wish I was that brave. 

I'm instead that guy who gets called on by people for being unable to go to that escalation. I'm too prim to let myself reach that level of audacity, and it's only in place from a reinforced sense of fear leading to weird superstitions I don't even fully agree with. 

If we want it to become "just a word", it needs to be able to be used as one. It's making it into this taboo thing that serves to give it power and relevance. I can't even quote Rap lyrics comfortably. 

In what situation do you see yourself using it as just a word for every day conversation? Like paint a picture with words 

I'm not like saying "hey Stop Every Racist thought in your head right now or else!!!"

Yeah, you're not, you just don't want to hear about it in a confident form. 

No, I just dont want to read people refer to me or my friends in a derogatory manner 

It would be stupid of me to want them to change their entire personality overnight or on my whim. 

But if you intentionally make me uncomfortable I'm gonna make you uncomfortable too 

That's fine, but why not target their specifics instead of make it into blanket statements? 

Surely their character has enough wrong with it for you to feel offended by what they said, and not merely by the fact that they had a racey thing to say, right?

You aren't at my throat about the siesta thing yet, and that's purely because of context. Context matters. 

Dont think its not in the back of my mind and that I haven't just big X'd you 

I go sleepy now finish mananm

Lena said: 

Like I get it's funny to you guys maybe but that's a horrible thing to imply that one would be brave for letting a black woman suck their dick. 

I mean I see it if he were to have said "man that was brave of you letting that alligator suck your dick like that!" Because alligators are dangerous, very brave. 

Instead I got the long talk about how "it's not a racist joke because I'm not racist" and "it's a meme." As if memes can't  be made to be racist in image or humor. 

. . .

And instead of just answering honestly he tried to drag it out with projection and jokes while answering in dms. 

I can't speak for the DMs, but at least out in the open it was him explaining that it's "dark humor", a point you did not enjoy to the point of very sloppy quoting. 

Dark humor still covers discrimination, and like I said normalizes it and makes it that tolerance for racist remarks towards a certain group.

What of it's tone though? 

Part of what makes dark humor funny is that it dances on the taboo lines. If it started to normalize the joke would die. There's no longevity in that model. 

Check the TVTropes entry on Black Comedy.
(dear god the Teen Titans Go joke at the bottom)

By not saying anything against it you send the message that disparaging this certain group is fine and that you accept the view being shared.

I don't think people go through those sorts of mental back flips every time people don't correct a thing they've said. It likely just came out conversationally or referentially and wasn't meant to be some sort of shit-test upon society. You meanwhile starting a conflict over a flimsy cause is liable to have the mid-grounders run to their aid instead over your appearance of overreacting. By starting said conflict you establish yourself as the outlier, and without significant backing (like having a real thing to complain about) will actually serve to further the racist agenda, not yours. 

This is like how calling Pepe a "White Supremacy Symbol" alienated people from the Left. 
 

Again if you're willing to make the joke you should be open to criticism about it. It's also rude to disparage people based on gender and skin color for a laugh.

Less rude than how you respond to it imo. Getting snippy over every little thing is how you create more conflicts, not solve them. 

You used it as a platform to call him racist while not even focusing on your own contributions towards it nor your creation of additional conflicts where there were once none. "Casual Racism" as you've been calling it is not worth that level of escalation. 

Actually the day that happened I was arguing with cawk, Ken piped in about how I had sold him out to sugar and that I had shared his dms to her when all I did was express frustration at having been minimized to "drinking her koolaid" in vc where other people had heard this as well. 

I'm sure you'd understand why I might think you're dipping into the Kool-Aid as well (for different reasons), so my contribution to this would reflect the room for you to assume bias. 

But somehow sug calling him racist was my fault

I thought he was saying that you calling him racist was Sug's fault, hence you "drinking her kool-aid". He even calls your opinion on him being racist "sudden", while Sugar's been all in his face about "Uncle Tom" for years, over... an instinct? 

And sure it didnt have to be at that level of escalation but I simply responded to his accusation and it went on from there, it's not rude to respond to someone's accusation last I knew. 

Your PM you posted only served to bring others to "the side of racism" as you understand it to be, not because you posted a PM (you more than had permission) but because of how bad the one you picked was. You had the permission and the opportunity to post the worst one you could find to prove a point and you found that. 

You were given the ultimate platform and you destroyed your own case. You could have directed it away from being about jokes, and instead you gave the platform to tangent to "racial preferences in mates", doubling down on how ridiculous the argument was already looking. 

Wait what

What snarky mockery?

I used irony and snark often in our talks, saying one thing to mean the opposite. 

...I guess I did have to explain that that's what I was doing in the first few weeks, but it went away pretty fast I thought? 

It's just not worth the effort to upkeep such a friendship if they cant respect certain boundaries.

Where you're setting those boundaries is the problem. 

"Tolerate my racism or else!"

So we just gotta tolerate cawks cp or...?

CP's illegal, unlike race jokes. 

I've been desensitized to it for a while now honestly. 

In what situation do you see yourself using it as just a word for every day conversation?

Referential snark. 

No, I just dont want to read people refer to me or my friends in a derogatory manner

What part about it's the problem though? 

Dont think its not in the back of my mind and that I haven't just big X'd you

See that's weird. 

Lena said: 

Turncoat said: 

Lena said: 

Turncoat said: 

Lena said:

I'm just no longer willing to do the toxic superficial friend routine.

Yet you keep going out of your way to set all sorts of boundaries that would force them to be fake. 

Realness requires tolerance from both sides, not just theirs. 

I'm not understanding what you aren't understanding, the boundary being "do not say racist things to me or about my friends" is not that difficult, I feel? If i do continue to be friends with someone that does not respect that I am forced to be fake with them, so in order to not have a superficial relationship with them it is best for both parties to simply not be friends.

You're stuck in such a black & white paradigm. 

I'd go with "don't say unduly unjust things about their character" and keep it to the specifics of that one person with individual factual corrections therein. At least in that case I'm correcting them over specifics instead of blanket statement generalizations that'd serve to weaken my argument. 

Otherwise when I see someone doing -ist behaviors, I've spent far, far too much time trying to correct it from back when I was more misguided. It's not worth it, it fixes nothing, and it shows the intolerance excused through peer-modeled self-justification and need for control present in the one doing it.

At the end of the day their shit doesn't matter, what matters is my comfort, and if I let what they do make me uncomfortable then that's on me to fix about myself, as if I aim to correct them instead that's not only imposing and controlling, but it also means nothing if I am to just go elsewhere and see it happening all over again. 

Basically, my stepping in to tell them off puts me at their level when it's justified and beneath it when it's an overreaction (such as in response to an idle joke). Time and Place matter for when it's warranted, and Context and Subtext matter to see when it's not. 

Definitely deal with it how ever you want, I'm falling asleep so I no longer have the drive to argue but I had a thing I was gonna say nut it's gone now

Blanc and I are not friends, so her comment was strange and sounds very unhealthy that she would try to force a friendship by calling me mean over a misunderstanding?

She explained it though and now you have her context (backed up by mine as well). To push against her at this point would only serve to show that you do not believe her. 

Yes, I just explained how it was strange to me.

So... how... did you take our relations before then? I did all sorts of snarky mockery and it looked like you got it. 

Were you just excusing me more than you might someone else? 

Wait what

What snarky mockery?

It goes in two ways:

1.)Me: "Hey, could you not call me a spic, tell your racist jokes to me or call my friends the n-word in dms? Public if possible as well but mostly here in dms." 

Them: oh sure, my bad.

See, I get the "in DMs", again, 1-on-1 difference. There's a lot I won't say to someone because of their individual sensitivities and feelings... but honestly that's mostly for my benefit more than theirs usually over thinking they couldn't take that from me, and I let them know that I feel that way pretty early. 

"Public if possible as well" is where you're imposing (and on top of that implying they may not have any control over it, as if it were really a matter of self-control in the first place) imo. They shouldn't have to bend to your will just because you don't like something, and you shouldn't feel like you're in any sort of "danger" (for lack of a better word) if they won't agree to your terms. 

I dont feel like I'm in any sort of danger tho? It's just not worth the effort to upkeep such a friendship if they cant respect certain boundaries.

If people could just practice some fucking tolerance we wouldn't be treading on each other so much. With tolerance we wouldn't feel invaded nor feel the need to invade another. 

"Tolerate my racism or else!"

So we just gotta tolerate cawks cp or...?

You're obsessed with me. Why?