Sociopath Community

Don't play coy with me.

I did ask for advice on how to handle my friend in trouble. I then told you three times I didn't need or welcome advice from you on my relationship with my wife, and let the record show you proceeded to give it anyway.

Fine, but then you ask me to respect your boundaries when it comes to your relationship with your girlfriend.

You can't have it both ways. I will respect your wishes as much as you respect mine.

This topic is now officially dead and I'm tired, there's nothing more to explore here. I got what I was looking for from Trypt et al, and this discussion is not worth sacrificing my respect for you over.

Jada said: 

Don't play coy with me.

That isn't really the word you wanted to use is it.

I did ask for advice on how to handle my friend in trouble. I then told you three times I didn't need or welcome advice from you on my relationship with my wife, and let the record show you proceeded to give it anyway.

Its a side effect to the foolery. Yes, that behavior can fuck up your relationship. You want to deny it or brush it off by insisting i, as you say "stop giving you advice on your wife" it's really not though. It's advice to stop being an ass.

Fine, but then you ask me to respect your boundaries when it comes to your relationship with your girlfriend.

You can't have it both ways. I will respect your wishes as much as you respect mine.

I never asked you to respect any boundaries, where did you get that ? I had to stretch your eyelids over your head and I handed you some details when it came to my personal relationship. 

This topic is now officially dead and I'm tired, there's nothing more to explore here. I got what I was looking for from Trypt et al, and this discussion is not worth sacrificing my respect for you over.

 Man I told Tryptamine, "you better not go to California,  she's disrespecting you", then he ended up going and having to destroy Quintasia and taking massive damage himself in the process, while getting stuck on California. Now there you go, finding what you wanted to hear in Tryptamine's softball feedback. He doesn't acknowledge the red flags in your situation.

Yeah sure. Try again agsinst her wishes you said you'd respect. Might as well put on your Sunday best and pick up some flowers while you're at it. Talk about anything but the elephant if you're accepted as a visitor. 

I could say the same thing about your story with your girlfriend. If anything I'd say you finding out your girlfriend is cheating on you and tolerating it is a red flag.

I'm not going to ignore half the human population, which is your suggestion, and I suspect it's your suggestion because it's what you expect from your girlfriend. It's unfortunate that your girlfriend cheated on you, but not everyone does that.

Jada said: 

I could say the same thing about your story with your girlfriend. If anything I'd say you finding out your girlfriend is cheating on you and tolerating it is a red flag.

You can say whatever you want, it'll either be true or not. And no I don't tolerate it. 

I'm not going to ignore half the human population, which is your suggestion, and I suspect it's your suggestion because it's what you expect from your girlfriend. It's unfortunate that your girlfriend cheated on you, but not everyone does that.

 I don't compare your case to mine, it's just basic common sense.

- The lady in the hospital doesn't want you there.

- You staying away will be respectful of her wishes. ( you said yourself you'd respect it, but not really cause you want some ideas on how to bypass that without it seeming like a violation of her wish. )

- You don't visit friends and family in the hospital, but you will for that lady who isn't really your friend. And you're married.

- You don't even know why she's in the hospital.

It doesn't look good regardless of your true intent or what the outcome will be, it honestly doesn't look good from multiple angles. 

I'd even suggest this is scientific, because the human brain has mechanisms that causes discomfort when a partner sees their special someone doing questionable things.

For all you know you can walk in with flowers and some other bloke visiting her will tell you to fuck off while she lay on her stomach with her new ass wrapped in bandages. While that might not be the case, some other guy who isn't you ptobably knows why she's there, while you don't.

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You might not be a simp but you're kinda acting like one, because you do want to proceed while that'll violate her wishes. That's one component.

Another component is you getting defensive when "shown" why you shouldn't ignore her wishes, instead you want to be one  to cheer her up. Maybe you can juggle some tennis balls to make her giggle while she's eating ice cream in a hospital bed, with your wedding ring, or ring tan either way.

It has nothing to do with my "downplayed by others" insecurities, or the fact that I've really been cheated on, which is somehow another lack of wisdom in here. You can ignore how such behavior is the beginning of the end, and how everything I said is invalid.

Honestly, , when what might be true causes the ego to go on the defense, you should probably seek an unbiased opinion from the observer deeper inside. All you need to do is apply some humility. 

That would make sense if:

1. My friend was in the hospital

2. I didn't want to respect my friend's wishes

3. I don't visit my friends and family in the hospital but would visit my friend

4. I dont know why my friend was in the hospital, if she was.

But since not a single one of those things is true, it's kind of pointless. I could go on by explaining that my friend is not currently in the hospital, but that would be stupid because you're not reading what I'm saying.

If this is like an ego bruising thing for you, which I presume it is, then I suggest you lay it off. I've told you to stop commenting on my relationship with my wife, any snooping by you or anyone else into my relationship with my wife or my daughter is off limits. You're still in my good guy book but if you carry on with disrespecting me you'll be in the black book. It's your choice.

Jada said: 

That would make sense if:

1. My friend was in the hospital

2. I didn't want to respect my friend's wishes

3. I don't visit my friends and family in the hospital but would visit my friend

4. I dont know why my friend was in the hospital, if she was.

1. 'Your'... thread title: "Friend Going Through Risky Medical Procedure". ( That doesn't exactly say next month Legga. )

2. You're still coming in from another angle.

3. Your words and I quote...

"I've known this person for over 10 years, and we are good friends. I'm not good at handling issues like these however. Whenever one of my friends' family members die or they get into serious trouble, I tend to ignore them, and then they tend to think I'm kind of an ass for abandoning them when they need a friend. It has happened a million times."

I guess for you going in to check on them just isn't enough ~

4. She never told you what's wrong with her. Not being in the hospital doesn't dispel this fact. 

But since not a single one of those things is true, it's kind of pointless. I could go on by explaining that my friend is not currently in the hospital, but that would be stupid because you're not reading what I'm saying.

If this is like an ego bruising thing for you, which I presume it is, then I suggest you lay it off. I've told you to stop commenting on my relationship with my wife, any snooping by you or anyone else into my relationship with my wife or my daughter is off limits.

It is ego bruising because

1. I'm not talking about your wife in the first place. I'm talking about you. 

I'm basically saying be careful with that lady friend of yours, the one you're not really close to, nor is she a really a good friend by your standards. You want to get defensive about it and say I'm talking about your wife which I mentioned briefly last page. Super ego. 

2. I will talk about whoever I want, including your wife who I have no idea about. Maybe she doesn't mind you breaking character over that distressed buddy of yours. Or maybe she's a common friend. 

You're still in my good guy book but if you carry on with disrespecting me you'll be in the black book. It's your choice.

 I'm not worried about that at this point. 

I'm giving good advice. The kind that saves relationships, but wait, there it is again, I'm out of bounds talking about your marriage/wife, and how wrong I am that such things can spark the beginning of the end of a marriage. 

Your friend who needs the risky medical procedure doesn't tell you what for. Those types of secretive women keep guys around for validation. Maybe not you, but the other guys will keep asking her why, and she won't say. She'll just say enough and get some type of kick out of it.

-Normal people who share their concerns would say what's wrong.

- There's no confusion when it comes to something so simple, but here you are trying to figure out what to do. 

Theres 2 inner circles, yours and hers. 

She performs like a Jezebel.  

I said my friend is going through a risky medical procedure and told me that she didn't want to chat, and I presumed that she told me about her condition because she did want to chat. I already said I put it to rest with "here if you need to talk, thx bye."

From this you extrapolate:

1. My friend is in the hospital

2. This is the only friend I would visit in a hospital in the whole wide world, even over my family

3. My friend is insidious and wants attention

4. Giving that attention is like cheating on my wife

5. I'm interested in sex with my friend

6. My wife wouldn't approve of me having contact with this friend

7. I'm still wondering what to do

If only you knew what was actually going on, you would feel idiotic. However, I'm going to save some grace here and simply give you some advice:

When you get to a reasonably mature stage in a relationship, you don't worry about the sort of insecurity that you're currently experiencing with your girlfriend. I get that you've had a fair share of setbacks in relationships, with your girlfriend cheating on you. My advice is that instead of trashing your girlfriend on the Internet and treating her like she's some random untrustworthy whore that strangers on SC can comment on, I suggest you break up with her. When you have contempt for your girlfriend, which you clearly have, you should call it quits. My relationships are not like this. You may allow people to treat your relationship with your loved ones like it's a piece of dirt, but I don't. It's part of why I suspect your relationships don't last, while mine do. I appreciate you trying to give me advice, but it's misguided. The person who needs advice here is you.

A rich person doesn't need the financial advice of a beggar, nor does an intelligent person need advice on how to study from an idiot. What is your glowing resume when it comes to romantic relationships, to tell me how to handle mine? I'm a thousand fold more successful in my relationships than you are in yours.

Lastly, perhaps your parents did not teach you basic courtesy, boundaries, or respect. So the world will. When you read this post, you should remember that there is a lesson for you to learn in all of this. There is no malice or arrogance in what I say, even if it might seem like it.

Jada said: 

I said my friend is going through a risky medical procedure and told me that she didn't want to chat, and I presumed that she told me about her condition because she did want to chat. I already said I put it to rest with "here if you need to talk, thx bye."

You're backtracking on your 2nd post on the first page.

From this you extrapolate:

1. My friend is in the hospital

Hence the threat title: Friend going through risky medical procedure.

2. This is the only friend I would visit in a hospital in the whole wide world, even over my family

You said you've always ignored your friends and family when burdened with injury and death a million times over, been criticized for it and want to change that.

3. My friend is insidious and wants attention

She gave you a cliffhanger and kept you in the dark. 

4. Giving that attention is like cheating on my wife

That's your take. I said regardless of your intent it comes across a certain way.

5. I'm interested in sex with my friend

You suggested yourself you and her aren't really good friends. But I never said that either. Again regardless of your intent it doesn't look good.

6. My wife wouldn't approve of me having contact with this friend

Why would she be a fan of your friend ?

7. I'm still wondering what to do

Thats why you made this thread to begin with.

If only you knew what was actually going on, you would feel idiotic. However, I'm going to save some grace here and simply give you some advice:

If I don't know what's actually going on that's your fault, cause I'm working with the materials you've provided.

When you get to a reasonably mature stage in a relationship, you don't worry about the sort of insecurity that you're currently experiencing with your girlfriend. I get that you've had a fair share of setbacks in relationships, with your girlfriend cheating on you. My advice is that instead of trashing your girlfriend on the Internet and treating her like she's some random untrustworthy whore that strangers on SC can comment on, I suggest you break up with her. When you have contempt for your girlfriend, which you clearly have, you should call it quits. My relationships are not like this. You may allow people to treat your relationship with your loved ones like it's a piece of dirt, but I don't. It's part of why I suspect your relationships don't last, while mine do. I appreciate you trying to give me advice, but it's misguided. The person who needs advice here is you.

A rich person doesn't need the financial advice of a beggar, nor does an intelligent person need advice on how to study from an idiot. What is your glowing resume when it comes to romantic relationships, to tell me how to handle mine? I'm a thousand fold more successful in my relationships than you are in yours.

Lastly, perhaps your parents did not teach you basic courtesy, boundaries, or respect. So the world will. When you read this post, you should remember that there is a lesson for you to learn in all of this. There is no malice or arrogance in what I say, even if it might seem like it.

 Well you suggested I was merely insecure in my relationship, but as it turned out I was right. Things are different in my relationship, as it's different with my exs. I don't see any reason.

Also....

I recall someone 'Legga', put their marriage and family on hold while they explored their bisexuality and had an emotional affair with some bloke you were crushing on. You were ready to leave your wife as YOU legga identified as a woman. Then it never worked out and it was but a dream, and it never happened. End of episode.

Personally I had a real field day with that one, so it's fancy being lectured by you while I know you to be very small when it comes to relationships.

You now believe that it isn't possible to lose your wife as if there aren't people in this world shocked to get divorced after decades of marriage, while to her it's in all actuality a very real thing. 

Hear me out. It's silly to virtue signal your marriage as some documentary of superiority, while you're not even good example of loyalty. 

I on the other hand don't cheat. I'm not my ex, and I'm not like you either. 

I'm glad I was disciplined by my parents when I was a child. We grew up laughing about the beatings, seeing that we've turned out better than those who trigger easy.

What you find controversial about me is how I react to foolishness. It provokes that narcissistic demon I'm fencing with in you. So you'll backpedal, and flipflop, and gaslight, say I'm insecure, then say I shouldn't tolerate her, then I'm the bad guy cause I felt no way about saying I was cheated on, but really I never said a single bad thing about her. 

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While I'm indifferent to your marriage my message is sound.

- It doesn't look good to a married woman

Your argument is that isn't true. That you're wiser than I, but really my GF would be lucky if I tolerated her the way your wife did for you, when you were seeking to cuddle as the little female spoon with that man you fell for. Sure it wasn't sexual Legga, but it wouldn't matter to your wife what you did in bed with that other guy.

If I don't know what's actually going on that's your fault, cause I'm working with the materials you've provided.

Yet you don't recognize, even now, that the material you think you have is insufficient. This is dunning Kruger effect on full display. I'm counting how long it takes for you to realize you don't know what you're talking about.

Your fault was you thinking this topic was about my relationship with my wife and you thinking you're qualified to assess my relationship with the information I've provided. This is like you coming to a topic about Pokémon wondering why your favorite Digimon was not mentioned.

What I said was something along the lines of

I have a friend in trouble. I tend to ignore my friends in trouble, because I don't know how to make them feel better. Here is the context of my friend's situation (..). Any advice?

I then went on to say, 10 times, with decreasing level of politeness,

This topic is not about my relationship eith my wife.

Which should've clarified any misconceptions. I did NOT start with,

Hi all! I kind of have this girlfriend my wife doesn't know about and I'm wondering if I should pursue this girl or not on her hospital bed because Im worried it might harm my relationship with my wife. Here is all the context you need to evaluate my relationships with my wife and my daughter and this secret mistress (...). Advice?

So you thinking it's somehow my fault for not providing you with enough context to a question nobody asked you is laughable. You have some nerve.

I have no intention to fix your misunderstandings because I've told you a dozen times that I don't need your advice on my relationship with my wife, because you're not qualified to speak on it on so many levels. I've already solved the issue I posted about.

Then the second part:

You now believe that it isn't possible to lose your wife as if there aren't people in this world shocked to get divorced after decades of marriage

Me not taking advice from you when you don't know what you're talking about has nothing to do with my absolute confidence in my relationship. You don't take financial advice from beggars just because there exist billionaires who lose their wealth, either, do you?

So what are your qualifications then? As far as you say, you have no wife, no daughter, no long term relationships or happiness, and you hold your girlfriend in contempt. My track record is much better.

This morning, my wife and I made cookies, and she hugged me in the elevator. Even after over 10 years together, we have these small moments every day. It is beautiful. In the meantime, your girlfriend is out banging some guys and you get cuckolded, and then you come here to tell me how I should manage my relationship with my wife, after I explicitly tell you not to.

I on the other hand don't cheat.

Good, you should not cheat. Since you welcome advice, I'm advising you to stop trashing your girlfriend on the Internet, and break up with your girlfriend for cheating on you instead.

And while on the topic of friendly advice, yes, you are insecure in your relationship. I say this without malice. I say it factually. You may not like it, but what you find controversial about it is that it is true. It's good advice.

What you find controversial about me is how I react to foolishness.

To be clear, it's the lack of boundaries and nosiness. Had you respected my boundaries when I asked you to, we would not be here. In fact, we need not be here, if you correct your behavior. But your stance was that you will disrespect and talk about anyone you want to, and give unsolicited advice when you damn well please. All I'm doing is giving you back unsolicited advice in kind, in perfect harmony with your own philosophy. Yet, you do not seem to appreciate it, which to me says you know what you're doing. My problem with you is your lack of manners and courtesy.

It provokes that narcissistic demon I'm fencing with in you.

I'm just showing you the mirror. Do you not see the resemblance between my actions and yours? "Narcissistic demon" is apparently how you see yourself.

Like I said, there is no malice or arrogance in what I say. I meant what I said sincerely.