I think I go from secure to anxious to avoidant. It all happens in stages. And if the variable I am with somehow manages to reaffirm my thoughts which push me in that stage, then there is no going back. Because even if I want to go back to a healthier stage, my subconscious forces me to ultimately avoid.
I honestly think that I tend to take wayyy too much stress without even being aware. So I have an old and rather close relationship with anxiety. One trigger and bam, there it is, back for me, the only truly loyal one. So this is what makes me realize that it is best to avoid relations and situations which can cause anxiety to surface again. Because I have really seen myself develop heath issues because of stressful conditions. I think it is a major reason behind autoimmune diseases these days, which are globally on the rise.
And thus, being solo seems like the best deal, until it starts to get kind of lonely that is.
I used to be fearful avoidant now I am secure.
How did you transition into a secure one?
2-3 relationships where I managed step by step to open up and made positive experiences. If this was your first relationship it was always bound to fail. In the first ones I was shaking sometimes etc., really crazily checking whatsapp (notification anxiety), everytime we'd meet I thought Ohhh now I am going to hear "we have to break up" etc. It gets better and better, you just have to push through with it.
i don't have the anxiety that bad, but I can see where you're coming from. it's not my first. What sets her apart is she is really good for me
I also did therapy specifically for this and we just concentrated on this topic, which was a lot of help. If you want a therapy recommendation for this it would be schema therapy. Here it is often someone trained and licensed with CBT but who has this certification as an addon. Core message: It gets better and it is normal that it takes 3-4 attempts. Think like this: Normies start dating with 13 and have boy or girlfriends when they are like 15. They experienced all this shit at a young age. We did not because we were ugly/personality disordered/got abused/enter whatever retardation you have, so we have to do it now. Who really stays together if they are in their teenage years? First relationships are shit because you have not developed the capacity yet to have a good relationship and this capacity can only be developed by experiencing all of this.
Hm yeah I did push a lot fo people away and isolated for a long period of time
but in my last relationship i just wasn't invested/mature enough to be looking for solutions within myself