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Posts: 5402
0 votes RE: attachment style defines everything

I used to be fearful avoidant now I am secure. 

 How did you transition into a secure one? 

Posts: 32915
0 votes RE: attachment style defines everything
Xadem said: 

I used to be fearful avoidant now I am secure. 

 How did you transition into a secure one? 

Ę̵̚x̸͎̾i̴͚̽s̵̻͐t̷͐ͅe̷̯͠n̴̤̚t̵̻̅i̵͉̿a̴̮͊l̵͍̂ ̴̹̕D̵̤̀e̸͓͂t̵̢͂e̴͕̓c̸̗̄t̴̗̿ï̶̪v̷̲̍é̵͔
Posts: 1331
0 votes RE: attachment style defines everything
Xadem said: 

I used to be fearful avoidant now I am secure. 

 How did you transition into a secure one? 

 2-3 relationships where I managed step by step to open up and made positive experiences. If this was your first relationship it was always bound to fail. In the first ones I was shaking sometimes etc., really crazily checking whatsapp (notification anxiety), everytime we'd meet I thought Ohhh now I am going to hear "we have to break up" etc. It gets better and better, you just have to push through with it. I also did therapy specifically for this and we just concentrated on this topic, which was a lot of help. If you want a therapy recommendation for this it would be schema therapy. Here it is often someone trained and licensed with CBT but who has this certification as an addon. Core message: It gets better and it is normal that it takes 3-4 attempts. Think like this: Normies start dating with 13 and have boy or girlfriends when they are like 15. They experienced all this shit at a young age. We did not because we were ugly/personality disordered/got abused/enter whatever retardation you have, so we have to do it now. Who really stays together if they are in their teenage years? First relationships are shit because you have not developed the capacity yet to have a good relationship and this capacity can only be developed by experiencing all of this. 

 

 

Posts: 72
0 votes RE: attachment style defines everything
However, other researchers have proposed that rather than a single internal working model, which is generalized across relationships, each type of relationship comprises a different working model. This means a person could be securely attached to their parents but insecurely attached in romantic relationships.
 
Family: avoidant

Romantic partner: secure

Friends/ Others: anxious

Family: avoidant 

Romantic partner: secure 

Friends/others: avoidant 

 

I used to be fearful avoidant now I am secure. 

 

I went from fearful to secure with romantic partners too. Although I find I still occasionally slip into old poor emotional responses. But in those cases I just assess why I'm having said reaction and how to convey what I need in the situation to feel secure, then just swallow my pride or fear and communicate it

 

 

 

Posts: 968
0 votes RE: attachment style defines everything

Does any of this matter though?

Is the recommendation to be secure or fearful? Maybe sometimes having a low opinion of yourself and others is beneficial to your life

But probably not. People like that are unhappy.

Anyway, isn't your opinion of others highly correlated with your opinion of yourself? I think most people who have a low opinion of others also have a low opinion of themselves and vice versa. I don't really buy most of the responses here.

last edit on 3/16/2023 10:42:17 PM
Posts: 2835
0 votes RE: attachment style defines everything

Idk it's other people that are the problem.

Posts: 32915
1 votes RE: attachment style defines everything
Lenalee said: 

Idk it's other people that are the problem.

No waaay, everything other people do towards us is our own fault, and if we were stronger or better they would be less shitty towards us. 😏


^ Really feels that way sometimes though. 

Ę̵̚x̸͎̾i̴͚̽s̵̻͐t̷͐ͅe̷̯͠n̴̤̚t̵̻̅i̵͉̿a̴̮͊l̵͍̂ ̴̹̕D̵̤̀e̸͓͂t̵̢͂e̴͕̓c̸̗̄t̴̗̿ï̶̪v̷̲̍é̵͔
Posts: 2835
1 votes RE: attachment style defines everything
Lenalee said: 

Idk it's other people that are the problem.

No waaay, everything other people do towards us is our own fault, and if we were stronger or better they would be less shitty towards us. 😏


^ Really feels that way sometimes though. 

 I'm a blissful little angel in relationships. Just don't provoke me and understand that you don't get to decide when you're done with me, i decide that. 

It's other people that are the problem, really.

Posts: 32915
0 votes RE: attachment style defines everything
Lenalee said: 
Lenalee said: 

Idk it's other people that are the problem.

No waaay, everything other people do towards us is our own fault, and if we were stronger or better they would be less shitty towards us. 😏


^ Really feels that way sometimes though. 

I'm a blissful little angel in relationships. Just don't provoke me and understand that you don't get to decide when you're done with me, i decide that. 

It's other people that are the problem, really.

So in other words...


You: 

Posted Image


Them:

Posted Image

Posted Image

Posted Image

Ę̵̚x̸͎̾i̴͚̽s̵̻͐t̷͐ͅe̷̯͠n̴̤̚t̵̻̅i̵͉̿a̴̮͊l̵͍̂ ̴̹̕D̵̤̀e̸͓͂t̵̢͂e̴͕̓c̸̗̄t̴̗̿ï̶̪v̷̲̍é̵͔
Posts: 2835
0 votes RE: attachment style defines everything
Lenalee said: 

No waaay, everything other people do towards us is our own fault, and if we were stronger or better they would be less shitty towards us. 😏


^ Really feels that way sometimes though. 

I'm a blissful little angel in relationships. Just don't provoke me and understand that you don't get to decide when you're done with me, i decide that. 

It's other people that are the problem, really.

So in other words...


You: 

Posted Image


Them:

Posted Image

Posted Image

Posted Image

 What

What movie is this

10 / 33 posts
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