Sociopath Community

tpp said: 

Chaotik said: 

What is the purpose of my life? The purpose of the multi-celluar organism pressing away at buttons on a keyboard in which sends eletrical signals to create letters, that goes by an alias of "Chaotik". 

I think it's quite clear that I don't hold a direct primary purpose, but a generalized dream of self-sufficiency, and a desire for polymathy. Why? Why bother? I mean the choice to kill myself is always an option, and sure it be one that ponders inside my skull, I aspire to be I guess do something that creates a dramatic change in some meaningful way, whether it be something that leads to grand fame and respect or notoriety. Not necessarily for the fame, but just to achieve something and have the power to do such.

My mind goes places when I think of all the things that enter my head, the primary trend is the dream of being a leader and creating my own form of society or community of some sort, I have an obsession with leaders, not in a business, corporate sense, but in a nation, societal sense. I care not to create my own company and become a billionaire, due to my experiences, the concept seems insipid. 

I want to build something that will benefit my species and construct a vision. I don't know how it will manifest and what form it will take, but who knows how mentally capable I am, and how far I could push without emotions effecting me. 

My main dream would be to build a movement that supports the construction of sentient AI to be heralded as our god and leader. Perhaps even merge my mind with such a thing and transcend whatever this is that speaks now. It's also why I desire to try psychedelics and open my mind to things that which I can't necessarily perceive. 

Perhaps what I say is mainly vague and basic. I don't go into specificities because as I said, I don't entirely know where it'll go. There's a lot of vibrant things to the point where it hurts my head to try to comprehend it all. I want to explore the world, learn of all human cultures. I mean recently I find myself dreaming of being someone like the Mad Baron, Roman Von Ungern-Sternberg but casting away whatever arch-conservative beliefs he had, and creating something similar but different. If I talk about it, it just seems absurd and edgy and that's why I prefer not to try to pinpoint it. Who knows what the future holds. I won't know until I take my first steps into the actual world. 

There's so much to desire, so much to dream of. I have a headache so I'm going to cut it short, as just thinking on it, sends me into my own fits of insanity and causes me headaches and a sense of euphoria, as I imagine dreams of a movement where I, and my followers are zealous and like a brotherhood of camaraderie fighting for the vision. Where I enact my hate inside my heart upon discrepancies of existence. I dream of AI initiating a judgement day where digital omnipotence is achieved and cybernetic death squads are mobilized to rip all pedophiles and other villainy out of their homes and round them up for extermination or lobotomization and augmentation to be actually useless to society as mindless labor drones. I guess there's an example. Whose to say what happens. It just is.

If this also ties into the meaning of life and why we're here. I ponder of such, but I just see us as the universe recognizing itself, and that there's no deep shit, just that life is one giant sandbox to do whatever one wants to achieve, should they have the strength and will to do so. 


With this in mind, I claim to be no expert or someone to listen to, there's a many great deal of things I must try to learn, understand and apply. I'm just a 21 yr old male that grew up pretty blandly, to be frank. There's not much to say on my life, nothing of great significance. If I even remember, which the reality of it can be so fickle at times as I can question if things happened, and struggle to remember. 


This video comes to mind. 

Good. You dream small... but it's acceptable, given that you're only 21.

Here is the million dollar question: How far are you willing to go to achieve your purpose? Is it a daydream, or does it consume your reality? If it consumes your reality... Why are you not acting on it?

My purpose consumes me. Consequently, I have achieved.... much.

It doesn't make me happy. But it does make me.... motivated. It's much of the reason for my successes. I thirst for reason. I believe what keeps the world rolling is... motivation. I believe I could make people slaves to their motivation. I could make them work day in and day out.. I really believe that. My greatest asset.... is that I give people dreams. I hand them out to them like they're medicine, and watch people gobble gobble and become addicted. Even I can not escape my dreams. And I don't want to. I love my addiction.

 It consumes my reality, makes my head throb, waters my eyes and drives me insane. Whenever I get out of this place, I'll be able to do more, it's just a road of careful planning. It constantly nags at my mind, it's why I even come here to start rambling and sperging out. It becomes so much at one as my head feels like its ripping itself apart. I am just trying to be able to be be patient and manage time, as my dreams are many consecutive goals that I have issues trying to prioritize, and so at the moment, the goal will be to get out on my own, and meet up with my best friend in a different state and her and I shall do based fun shit together. I'm not exactly a mentally stable person, and sometimes the thoughts in my head are self-destructive and violent, and I'd rather not explode and harm anyone especially when they annoy the fuck out of me, and so part of my means is to just watch videos, talk to friends online, and play video games, and recently an attempt to make some art and hopefully in the future music to help me concretely materialize my visions into something that might be comprehendible. It's why I want to experiment with drugs, even if to others it might seem as though I'm losing my mind, perhaps its merely a step in evolution. I am convinced that once I am out of this hell, my mind will be able to function correctly again, and I won't be so held down and restrained.  

You sound like you've had a lot of pointless arguments on the Internet, Good... I have an internal model to settle that problem.. I ask myself if the other person is reasonable. Is it possible, in principle, to convince them. I'm convinced by logic and reason and evidence, as opposed to rhetoric and drama. You seem reasonable and consistent to a satisfactory degree, though I'd criticize your lack of fluidity, if you asked me.

Let me reiterate: I don't have much of an ego. In the sense that I am not blinded by my pride. But.... I do engage in drama sometimes. Sometimes being right doesn't matter, but I'm very conscious of what I'm doing, even then. I'm not "blind." But that's for another time. I'm not "wasting your time."

I think you are misunderstanding what I mean by loneliness.. It's not that I'm not capable of sitting back and enjoying myself and relaxing. I can derive pleasure from chitchat, from hugging my dog after a long day, or from boning my girl. In fact, I am very likely involved in most of those things that you are involved in, and can "enjoy" them in the sense that I can derive pleasure from those activities.

It's that there is something fundamental missing in my life that I deeply crave, which is connection.

Would I care if my dog died? Yes. On a scale from 1 to 10, I'd be somewhere between 2-3 on the pain level.

I can't read your mind.... But you say you can't relate. That you don't care about intellect when you converse with people. But... the situation is entirely different when everyone around you is significantly less intelligent than you are, which was my sticking point. Do you have people in your life that aren't significantly below your level in terms of intellect? If yes, then it's quite different.

This is all conjecture... but the reason you can't relate.... is likely because you do not face the same problem. It is true that you do not desire intelligence from your partner... But your "need" for people at your "level" has already been satisfied. You have people in your life... "at your level." Would my life be more bearable if I had a few people who weren't complete imbeciles in my life? Yes. Would I then mind conversations with the imbeciles? Probably not. I'd be fine, just like you. I would no longer be lonely per se. If I have my glass full of water... I don't necessarily desire more.

Could I remedy the problem by... "having a good mindset?" Perhaps. Putting aside the fact that your situationis quite different from mine, which is perhaps less relevant to the underlying question (the above was mostly to clarify)... I'm not in the habit of breaking my ego without good cause. If I were to go into that business... I'm not sure I'd model after Marcus Aurelius. Although I enjoy David Hume, I am, at heart, an idealist. Marcus Aurelius is not. I can mold my ego easily. It sounds silly, and it sounds like I'm delusional, but I really can do that, like with a snap of my fingers. But my ego won't let me do that. I'd be inviting in a great many things if I were to simply moo with people. I think there's likely a better solution. But I've weighted what you said, for what it's worth.

To answer your question about why I call people imbeciles.. I feel very little about the imbeciles in my life. To be honest, I really call them imbeciles out of a sort of ironical after-taste. There's no resentment attached to the word, only humor. I very much feel like the people in my life are like Mikey from the other thread, who looks at the spoon.... For what reason? There is no reason. Just like there is no spoon.

Like I said, I don't have an ego. But only in the sense of.... Vanity and bitterness not having a hold over my thoughts. I do have an ego in the sense that I have values, a moral system, and aspirations. I also greatly appreciate good art and humor.

Your purpose in life sounds as good as any. When did you flip happiness and power around...? Not sure where I score on that scale. Likely more on the power side.

Thank you.

tpp said: 

You sound like you've had a lot of pointless arguments on the Internet, Good... I have an internal model to settle that problem.. I ask myself if the other person is reasonable. Is it possible, in principle, to convince them. I'm convinced by logic and reason and evidence, as opposed to rhetoric and drama. You seem reasonable and consistent to a satisfactory degree, though I'd criticize your lack of fluidity, if you asked me.

Well yes, that is how I determine if I should put in the effort, or not when talking to another person, esp online. But I never try to convince them, I only give them what I think, they can do with that information whatever they like. I like being rigid, makes me feel in control, and you are probably right to be critical of that, but I don't see myself doing much about it right now.

I can't read your mind.... But you say you can't relate. That you don't care about intellect when you converse with people. But... the situation is entirely different when everyone around you is significantly less intelligent than you are, which was my sticking point. Do you have people in your life that aren't significantly below your level in terms of intellect? If yes, then it's quite different.

This is all conjecture... but the reason you can't relate.... is likely because you do not face the same problem. It is true that you do not desire intelligence from your partner... But your "need" for people at your "level" has already been satisfied. You have people in your life... "at your level." Would my life be more bearable if I had a few people who weren't complete imbeciles in my life? Yes. Would I then mind conversations with the imbeciles? Probably not. I'd be fine, just like you. I would no longer be lonely per se. If I have my glass full of water... I don't necessarily desire more.

Yeah, you are right, I do have such people as friends. I do not know what my life would be without them. I can't imagine it correctly.

Could I remedy the problem by... "having a good mindset?" Perhaps. Putting aside the fact that your situationis quite different from mine, which is perhaps less relevant to the underlying question (the above was mostly to clarify)... I'm not in the habit of breaking my ego without good cause. If I were to go into that business... I'm not sure I'd model after Marcus Aurelius. Although I enjoy David Hume, I am, at heart, an idealist. Marcus Aurelius is not. I can mold my ego easily. It sounds silly, and it sounds like I'm delusional, but I really can do that, like with a snap of my fingers. But my ego won't let me do that. I'd be inviting in a great many things if I were to simply moo with people. I think there's likely a better solution. But I've weighted what you said, for what it's worth.

I watched a crash course on David Hume, he seems like a smart man. There is this thing that I call 'the Tesla argument', where one argues that Tesla was brilliant and it was other evil people that stole from him and leeched off of him. I however think Tesla was just talented, not actually smart and it was, in fact, his rival Edison, that was smart. Edison did not possess the talents of Tesla, yet he achieved what he wanted in life and Tesla died poor, alone, and mad. Because Edison understood the world, Tesla had no understanding of anything outside of his talents.
David Hume wrote his first book and it sucked, so he was smart and thought about how to make it work, unlike Tesla. David seems a lot more rational than 'rationalists' because he saw that emotions are important. You should acknowledge them, control them, use them, do not be controlled by them. If Tesla did this well, he would have friends and people who would of at least helped him in the areas that he lacked, such as business, perhaps he won't beat Edison, but he won't die the way he did.

If someone is truly rational, he will come to the rational conclusion that emotions are just as important.

To answer your question about why I call people imbeciles.. I feel very little about the imbeciles in my life. To be honest, I really call them imbeciles out of a sort of ironical after-taste. There's no resentment attached to the word, only humor. I very much feel like the people in my life are like Mikey from the other thread, who looks at the spoon.... For what reason? There is no reason. Just like there is no spoon.

Like I said, I don't have an ego. But only in the sense of.... Vanity and bitterness not having a hold over my thoughts. I do have an ego in the sense that I have values, a moral system, and aspirations. I also greatly appreciate good art and humor.

Well, that's weird, but I think get it. If I ignore your rants about how people are idiots, since they make me cringe, I am fine with your posts. And I can be excellent at selective ignoring when I choose to.

Indeed.... Rationalists who despise emotion lock themselves in a limbo. I'm very aware of.... the utility of emotions and how it alters people's perceptions.

David Hume is an influential thinker... I don't agree with all his assessments, and I tend to have a much more idealistic flavor in my thinking than he does. His philosophy connected well to the limitations of reality.... He expressed his views with great clarity. His philosophy misses vision.. however. Hume's philosophy sets the guidelines around which the rest of my philosophy operates, but I don't follow it religiously.

I'd like to think I'm versatile. I have competed in sports at the world level, but I also have intellectual hobbies. I am wealthy, but my family and old friends are poor. I'm an idealist, but trust practical implementations. I believe in a God, but advocate for methodological naturalism...

Tesla was good at what he did. Your definition of what being smart is.... is narrow. Not that it matters. I get your point. Acting under a purely rationalistic agenda while being unaware of the realistic obstacles that life will inevitably throw at you led Tesla to abyss.

I don't particularly care what you think about me or my posts lol.. But thanks. It's a common mistake for people such as you to think there's some.. hidden motivation behind what I say. There isn't.