It's been a while. I had thoughts of what to say but they slipped from my skull. All that I know is that I had a therapist, and it all went south when they decided to charge me 45 bucks, after I called in advance to re-schedule as something came up, and they didn't pick up, so I left a message to call back and they never did. Hard for me not to view the therapists in this area as white trash thieving bastards. The one I went to backs the blue, and while I'm not a "abolish the police" fuck, I certainly don't appreciate how the police is in this country. Especially when I've seen videos of police brutality and no justice be brought to pigs. The ones in my area are too kind and weird. I remember them taking me to the ward and being overly friendly, especially when I remember my ex gym trainer who was good friends with the police telling me their dream of blowing the bridges and creating our own society cut off from America, an idea that I've heard from others as well. They're like a brotherhood trying to convert me since I'm the perfect stock, mentally ill young white guy.
All that I know is that over time my mind has decayed further and further. I get headaches, my eyes turn red and water, and these violent thoughts don't stop, as I still want to just snap, look up the sex offender registry, steal a gun from a family member's place, and just murder as many as I can, and then take my own life.
No real rhyme or reason to making this post. I was just having a moment. Wanting to get back into fitness, gotta get my life together, the only good thing so far has been I actually am back into education, so I am no longer a NEET. Job on the other hand, trying to get a new one. I was going to work at UPS until I learned they lied to me, and were going to want me to work 1 hour shifts, that I could volunteer for the next, but if too many, they were going to send me home, and that after thanksgiving they might ramp it up to 70 hours a week. I wasn't going to break my back for that shit, plus college.
I hope that you are all doing well, that is of course unless you're a kid fucker. That's all for now I suppose.
I'm on a quest to one day obtain psychedelics, and to experiment and witness beauty. I don't even care if I were to overdose and fuck my life up. I already have questions about reality around me, and if I somehow got schizophrenia because of it, then so be it. It doesn't matter to me.
Hi, stupid person. I never understood how you sheep are so unable to... control yourselves. Perhaps it requires a complicated brain.. being capable of self-reflection and all. It's highly unimpressive to me how mundane you all are with your pointless fantasies... Is that all you people amount to? Murder and mayhem? It's like you can't think beyond your next meal.
Buttered Toast: (Lolling at a German dude's English grammar)
Hi, stupid person. I never understood how you sheep are so unable to... control yourselves. Perhaps it requires a complicated brain.. being capable of self-reflection and all. It's highly unimpressive to me how mundane you all are with your pointless fantasies... Is that all you people amount to? Murder and mayhem? It's like you can't think beyond your next meal.
You can’t overdose on psychedelics you clown.
Taking too much LSD can permanently burn someone out to a lesser degree, leading to seeing trails and implied motion for the rest of your life and shit.
Ę̵̚x̸͎̾i̴͚̽s̵̻͐t̷͐ͅe̷̯͠n̴̤̚t̵̻̅i̵͉̿a̴̮͊l̵͍̂ ̴̹̕D̵̤̀e̸͓͂t̵̢͂e̴͕̓c̸̗̄t̴̗̿ï̶̪v̷̲̍é̵͔
You can’t overdose on psychedelics you clown.
In all serious though, you're right. I meant to say if I get a bad trip and get fucked up, idk why I said overdose. Probably since I drink alcohol a bit.
last edit on
11/26/2021 8:10:33 PM
You sound depressed and alienated.
Pretty much. one of my friends wants me to save up and move to her state and go to her university. I want to, I just have paranoia over fucking up, and shit. I have my own fears of being a burden to her and her friends, but I intend on going it's just a matter if I can actually progress forward. So far it seems that way in regards to education. Holding a job has been the issue.