for anyone who is angry at me for evangelizing - 3

11:15:32Feathers said:
JesusistheKing said:

I myself have a problem with the way God has everything set up, and the condemning any conscious sentient creature to an eternal hell thing, but I am willing to give up my "problematic thoughts and feelings" about it out of fear of not wanting to be condemned to eternal hell
I do not have a problem with it. For everyone who finds me "judgmental" I apply the same standards to myself first of all. I could not be convinced that people are evil deserving eternal fire if I did not witness the depths of evil on my own heart.

Me and a friend had a convo about intrusive thoughts. Thoughts like "It be so easy to kill that person right now", "All I have to do is X and they'd be dead"... I use to have uncontrollable intrusive thoughts that would scare me. I would be kept up at night all anxious about having these thoughts. Until I accepted my "dark side". I accepted that people are all evil needing a savior. I accepted "humans are sinners".

I needed to be saved... from my own evil too. Everyone needs to be saved from their evil desires. It's not that "I need a consequence" as some would say. It's that I can't fight them on my own. I need divine power to fight off the evil in my heart. I need to "renew" my mind with prayers and all.

You know? The first wish I ever made on a star as a little girl was to be good. I said "Star light, star bright, the first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight. Oh star, I wish to be a good person". But the wish was not full-filled.

Matthew 1:21 "She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.”

The worst part? I didn't earn anything I had. I was evil to the core and yet I lived in (upper middle class) luxury. No, I deserved to be in hell for the monster I am. I listened to songs about the evil in my heart. I couldn't bare to look in the mirror.

Here's the VIBE of the types of songs I'd listen to:

Before God could have condemned me I would have condemned myself three times as much. Had I never heard the gospel I would be even worse off as I would never have learned self forgiveness. God showed me a way to both repent and somewhat forgive myself through the cross.

So God doesn't need to condemn me to eternal hell. I would condemn myself... Not because I would enjoy it (I wouldn't), but because I'm a monster inside. I have to fight myself and my evil/selfish thoughts. I may not win every battle... I still keep trying.

if I wasn't so miserable this human being incarnation lifetime without Jesus, and I was actually able to have found happiness and fallen in love with a normal man and all of the stuff of my dreams, or even some of it even just enough to leave me content and enjoying my life, I don't know if I would have wanted to be with my husband in eternal life, but this lifetime was miserable for me, like excruciatingly devastatingly horribly depressingly so

You act like your life is over Turq? I want love too. It's fine to want to marry someone and settle down. That's the best way a person can represent the gospel indirectly. A loving relationship between a husband and wife is what the bible says represents the relationship between God and the church.

and as a female, the amount of shame and guilt and embarrassment that Satan was going to try to put me through if he could have seduced me into the satanic sacrificing me to himself death ritual, I just couldn't (but you probably don't believe me that it actually would have happened if I didn't ask Jesus for forgiveness and to save me from it)

A what ritual? *hugs* <3

soooooooooooo yeah I realized that Satan absolutely hates me, and I do not know if it is because I freewill chose to be incarnated this lifetime during my last lifetime so that Jesus could either assuredly or possibly save me (if I did), or if it was against my preference to be incarnated (as in if God forced me to be incarnated towards the end of my last lifetime) if it is because I loved Jesus when I was little since I was born into a christian family and I didn't see a reason not to I guess

Of course he hates you.... You are made in the image of God.

Feathers, I'm not making it up. Revelation 17 was God's judgement of me that would have happened to me during the time that I was living in hollywood if I did not ask Jesus for his forgiveness and to save me from Satan's and Michael's plans for me

my life isn't over, but I'm married to my husband now who is God. it would be pedophilia for me to have any sort of sexual or romantic relationship with a normal man and Jesus has made this very clear to me

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