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Are you living like you're going to die? Rambling

on 9/29/2021
Posts: 525

Someone at work died last week. Motorcycle accident and he was only 19.

I'm sure he felt as invulnerable as most people do at 19. I wonder if he realised he was dying as it happened.

 

Even when I have wanted to die, even after near death experiences, I've always felt kind of immortal. Until recently that is. I'm not sure if I'm going through a quarter life crisis or something but I'm suddenly keenly aware of death in fearful way that I never have been before. 

It's not keeping me up at night or anything but just out of nowhere it's become quite real to me how delicate I am as a human, and how miraculous it is that I'm still living and breathing with my organs working and all of my blood inside my fragile skin. I feel like for most of my life I've been living with a wonton disregard for my own life.

 

But what does it mean to life like you're going to die then? Should we be careful and wrap ourselves in proverbial cotton wool, or be bold and reckless and "live life to the fullest"? 

 

A guy was following me home a few weeks ago, I generally have a kind of "whatever happens I can handle it" attitude, but when it became apparent he really intended me harm I was struck by the knowledge of how thin my skin is and how painfully and easily I could die just because some guy decided that's what he wanted. On reflection it was an odd realisation as I've been in dangerous situations countless times, I don't know why even in those times when I did come close to death it never felt real to me. And why it does now. 

 

I'm not sure if this is something other people grapple with or if my musings seem childish, I don't have a metric for what is normal as regards this. It would be good to know if other people have become aware of their mortality like this and if the uneasy wariness will go away tho

on 9/29/2021
Posts: 4717
0 votes RE: Are you living like you're going to die? Rambling

Je ne care pas.

Thrall to the Wire of Self-Excited Circuit.
last edit on 9/29/2021 6:06:30 PM
on 9/29/2021
Posts: 3310
0 votes RE: Are you living like you're going to die? Rambling

These days the thought crosses my mind more frequently. I've done extensive research into death and from what I gather it isn't as bad as it seems. Still it's a scarry thing and we'll all certainly die.

As I'm writing this I'm soaking in the tub cause I've been suffering these stomach aches more frequently and the heat really helps. Aside from that these pains just might be of something that kills me.

I resumed watching Star Trek TNG so I've been seeing the entire cast from the 80's. I was a child when this show came out, started watching it in the 90's in my mid teens. The point is, seeing these actors now is pretty disrurbing, Patrick Stewart in particular. This man hasn't much time left.

on 9/30/2021
Posts: 525
-1 votes RE: Are you living like you're going to die? Rambling
Spatial Mind said: 

These days the thought crosses my mind more frequently. I've done extensive research into death and from what I gather it isn't as bad as it seems. Still it's a scarry thing and we'll all certainly die.

As I'm writing this I'm soaking in the tub cause I've been suffering these stomach aches more frequently and the heat really helps. Aside from that these pains just might be of something that kills me.

I resumed watching Star Trek TNG so I've been seeing the entire cast from the 80's. I was a child when this show came out, started watching it in the 90's in my mid teens. The point is, seeing these actors now is pretty disrurbing, Patrick Stewart in particular. This man hasn't much time left.

Stomach aches? Have you been to see a dr about it?

What extensive research have you done?

 

I wonder if people often have children because of existential dread, if that somehow lessens it from a biological stand point.

 

Buttered Toast said: 

Je ne care pas.

 About the thread or about the death?

on 9/30/2021
Posts: 4717
0 votes RE: Are you living like you're going to die? Rambling

Both.

Thrall to the Wire of Self-Excited Circuit.
on 9/30/2021
Posts: 525
0 votes RE: Are you living like you're going to die? Rambling
Buttered Toast said: 

Both.

 You're still very young tho, you may care more about death when you're older. Unless you've already gone through a period of acute awareness and gotten over it somehow. Well, not to say that everyone has that experience either, irdk

on 9/30/2021
Posts: 4717
0 votes RE: Are you living like you're going to die? Rambling

I'm not afraid of death.  I don't quite feel the pang of unfinished business.  I don't feel the appetite for frantic fulfillment.  There are things I want and that's it.  It will happen or it won't.

The End.

Thrall to the Wire of Self-Excited Circuit.
on 9/30/2021
Posts: 525
0 votes RE: Are you living like you're going to die? Rambling
Buttered Toast said: 

I'm not afraid of death.  I don't quite feel the pang of unfinished business.  I don't feel the appetite for frantic fulfillment.  There are things I want and that's it.  It will happen or it won't.

The End.

 I don't think not feeling those things and being afraid of death are mutually exclusive. I've never had fomo but I still really don't want to die, and the fact that it could happen so easily is scary. Perhaps it's to do with control and an inability to comfortably be vulnerable, we're all helpless and naked in front of death

on 9/30/2021
Posts: 4717
0 votes RE: Are you living like you're going to die? Rambling

I'm just not preoccupied with this, nor does it affect the passions I have for the things I do.

Thrall to the Wire of Self-Excited Circuit.
on 9/30/2021
Posts: 525
1 votes RE: Are you living like you're going to die? Rambling
Buttered Toast said: 

I'm just not preoccupied with this, nor does it affect the passions I have for the things I do.

 Yeah I get that, I was that way and likely will be again. Not sure if it's beneficial or not tho, I guess it doesn't matter either way in the end

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