Sociopath Community

NotImportant said: 

I wrote that I spiral. It’s my spiral. I choose to do worse and worse things because I feel like doing something bad is doing something bad, no matter at it is or how bad it is, so to my brain, really crossing the street is bad, just like punching someone in the face is.

So you're meaning to say that your 'spiraling' is a choice? 

I feel like you get really caught up in these self-narrations about yourself, but then you don't hold onto any of it similar to Blanc. You're just spouting at the mouth if you aren't even trying to grow from it. 

I’m just saying that once I break the seal, they are all just sins. I don’t think in terms of illegality except through the lens of Christianity. 

Two things: 

A) This topic gives me 'confession' vibes, like as if you think running at the mouth resolves you of all guilt. Confessing to sins doesn't make them all better if you keep sinning after the fact, it's not about the words that you say as lip service, it's about your intentions. 

B) Not every sin is equal, murder is not equal to theft. Splitting it like this is going to make it not just black & white thinking, but B&W thoughts within the realm of madness. 

In short, you can't just self-narrate narcissistically to us to be cleansed, especially when you have no aim to fix yourself beyond idealized daydreaming and messy recontextualization. 

We only have to follow the laws because God said follow the laws of the land.

Man's law is a reflection of God's, we were made in His image, behave similarly to him when compared to the rest of the animal kingdom, this world's a reflection of his direct guiding hand both literally and causally, and anything that could be construed as 'Human' or 'Satan' is also the intention of God Himself. 

That’s why I always have to CHOOSE to be good after I start doing bad stuff.

You use 'feeling bad' to tell yourself you're a good person, but then you keep doing bad things. 

Actions speak louder than words, you ought to practice what you preach instead of using such words to dismiss others from 'noticing'. 

Now though, I do not belong to myself, so I can just ask my owner if it’s okay and he is good, so I will never be able to choose bad stuff again.

Easy way for you to not have to take responsibility, like everything else you do. 

It will never be your fault, unless it is convenient. 

NotImportant said: 

Theo said: 

Pinocchio said: 

So is alcoholism. Just a choice dude.

That's a reductive interpretation of my point. Alcoholism isn't a choice, but recovery is. Being born into poverty isn't a choice, but voting for institutions that perpetuate it is. I'm not saying you can choose to wake up and be a sober billionaire, but you'll get nowhere if you deny the small choices you've got in life.

So you’re a republican? You do choose to drink and to keep drinking if you’re an alcoholic. You can also go through withdraw and be done. Alcoholism is a choice at some point, then it turns into more of a compulsion.

That strongly depends on your views on free will. 

As a Determinist, I don't figure free will exists at all (or at the very least it's not 'free'). 

NotImportant said: 

Theo said: 

NotImportant said: 

When I do anything bad, even walk across the street illegally, my brain thinks rules don’t matter, so the next time I have the option to do something illegal, wrong, or just not right, I will do it. That’s why I seem to have periods of time when I’m doing a lot of crazy stuff at once. I have impulse control issues on a level where it I do one bad thing, I can’t control the rest of the bad things I might do.

 For example, when I don’t have sex when I have the urge, I start watching porn. First is lesbian stuff, gay stuff, doggy style, rape, young people, and now I found myself looking for videos of a guy cutting a girl. Sadly, the crying fantasy is just people cutting themselves. It’s dumb. I did watch stuff with dead people and a guy cutting his thing, which goodness that was actually pretty sexy, but yeah. I just keep getting worse and worse until I stop myself and recommit to being good. 

That’s just what happens when I don’t get sex when I need it. When I actually do bad things, like physically walking across the street illegally, I start doing stuff like actually having sex with guys. Then it moves to either using them to fulfill my fantasies, or just using them for whatever I can get. Then, I usually ditch and be good again. 

My current spiral is a lot worse than any of the rest. I’ve moved past anywhere I’ve ever been on the porn front, and on the guy front. Watching autopsies and freaking finding the perfect guy for evil plan, and one for my good path too? I’m just not sure what is next. I’m almost at the end of my spiral and I’m not sure where it is taking me.

I can’t be with the perfect evil plan guy because I’m trying to be good. I can’t be up front about my issues with the other one because I’m all weird and embarrassed whenever he talks to me, and I’m not trying to make people hate me either.

I can’t find any videos showing the type of cutting I’d like to see, and I’ve already watched someone choke someone to death. There’s really nothing left other than choosing to go with my evil plan. I don’t think I could ever do that, but it’s easier, so it’s tempting. That’s the scary part.

I could have everything I’ve ever desired. All of the reasons I hate society can be fixed if I just do the evil things I planned to do. I’d be married, have happy kids, have unhappy people in the torture room, and just swimming in pleasure, but I wouldn’t go to heaven and I’d hate myself even more than I do now.

This is why I need a good guy. I need someone who will say don’t ever do that, when I say I want to murder people or anything evil like that. I need a guy who won’t even consider kidnapping anyone. I need a man sized impulse control substitute/master. 

 Dude.

Have you read about an external locus of control? You write like some interventionist god is pulling the strings and it comes across as really pathetic (no offense, but dude...)

Being good and being bad are decisions. There's no vacuuming spiral that pulls anyone in either direction. It's just a choice. People like to externalize it when shit starts going wrong, but that road doesn't lead anywhere useful or enlightening. If you did something bad and the consequences sucked, that's on you, not on some "spiral" that's out of your control.

 

 I wrote that I spiral. It’s my spiral. I choose to do worse and worse things because I feel like doing something bad is doing something bad, no matter at it is or how bad it is, so to my brain, really crossing the street is bad, just like punching someone in the face is. I’m just saying that once I break the seal, they are all just sins. I don’t think in terms of illegality except through the lens of Christianity. We only have to follow the laws because God said follow the laws of the land. That’s why I always have to CHOOSE to be good after I start doing bad stuff. Now though, I do not belong to myself, so I can just ask my owner if it’s okay and he is good, so I will never be able to choose bad stuff again.

 So you choose to spiral because your brain draws an equivalence between jaywalking and assault? Why is that?

NotImportant said: 

Theo said: 

Pinocchio said: 

So is alcoholism. Just a choice dude.

That's a reductive interpretation of my point. Alcoholism isn't a choice, but recovery is. Being born into poverty isn't a choice, but voting for institutions that perpetuate it is. I'm not saying you can choose to wake up and be a sober billionaire, but you'll get nowhere if you deny the small choices you've got in life.

 So you’re a republican? You do choose to drink and to keep drinking if you’re an alcoholic. You can also go through withdraw and be done. Alcoholism is a choice at some point, then it turns into more of a compulsion.

 I'm registered Republican but occasionally a swing voter.

Alcoholism is a disease, I don't dispute that. But we have choices relative to diseases, just like you can choose to live off twinkies and lose your feet to diabetes. You don't get to choose the genetic predisposition, but there are usually factors you can choose to modify or not.

she would do anything for her owner tryp

anything? i asked

yes anything she replied

would you leave your child for tryp? 

cs responds

well im not married to my child. 

chimpi said:

well im not married to my child. 

 yet

Turncoat said: 

NotImportant said: 

I wrote that I spiral. It’s my spiral. I choose to do worse and worse things because I feel like doing something bad is doing something bad, no matter at it is or how bad it is, so to my brain, really crossing the street is bad, just like punching someone in the face is.

So you're meaning to say that your 'spiraling' is a choice? 

I feel like you get really caught up in these self-narrations about yourself, but then you don't hold onto any of it similar to Blanc. You're just spouting at the mouth if you aren't even trying to grow from it. 

I’m just saying that once I break the seal, they are all just sins. I don’t think in terms of illegality except through the lens of Christianity. 

Two things: 

A) This topic gives me 'confession' vibes, like as if you think running at the mouth resolves you of all guilt. Confessing to sins doesn't make them all better if you keep sinning after the fact, it's not about the words that you say as lip service, it's about your intentions. 

B) Not every sin is equal, murder is not equal to theft. Splitting it like this is going to make it not just black & white thinking, but B&W thoughts within the realm of madness. 

In short, you can't just self-narrate narcissistically to us to be cleansed, especially when you have no aim to fix yourself beyond idealized daydreaming and messy recontextualization. 

We only have to follow the laws because God said follow the laws of the land.

Man's law is a reflection of God's, we were made in His image, behave similarly to him when compared to the rest of the animal kingdom, this world's a reflection of his direct guiding hand both literally and causally, and anything that could be construed as 'Human' or 'Satan' is also the intention of God Himself. 

That’s why I always have to CHOOSE to be good after I start doing bad stuff.

You use 'feeling bad' to tell yourself you're a good person, but then you keep doing bad things. 

Actions speak louder than words, you ought to practice what you preach instead of using such words to dismiss others from 'noticing'. 

Now though, I do not belong to myself, so I can just ask my owner if it’s okay and he is good, so I will never be able to choose bad stuff again.

Easy way for you to not have to take responsibility, like everything else you do. 

It will never be your fault, unless it is convenient. 

 I write stuff here so I can think through them, which helps me understand myself and once I get myself, I can change myself. I am also talking to a therapist, so I think I’m on the right track. Whatever I do or choose is my doing, so when I mess up, it’s my fault.

chimpi said: 

she would do anything for her owner tryp

anything? i asked

yes anything she replied

would you leave your child for tryp? 

cs responds

well im not married to my child. 

 I wrote that because I was asking where I was leaving her because you asked if I would leave her. You leave a spouse or a bad marriage. You leave a child with your parents, or on a doorstep. You have to ask another way for it to make sense. Would I abandon my baby for my Owner? If he told me to, yeah, but he wouldn’t, so no.

Theo said: 

NotImportant said: 

Theo said: 

NotImportant said: 

When I do anything bad, even walk across the street illegally, my brain thinks rules don’t matter, so the next time I have the option to do something illegal, wrong, or just not right, I will do it. That’s why I seem to have periods of time when I’m doing a lot of crazy stuff at once. I have impulse control issues on a level where it I do one bad thing, I can’t control the rest of the bad things I might do.

 For example, when I don’t have sex when I have the urge, I start watching porn. First is lesbian stuff, gay stuff, doggy style, rape, young people, and now I found myself looking for videos of a guy cutting a girl. Sadly, the crying fantasy is just people cutting themselves. It’s dumb. I did watch stuff with dead people and a guy cutting his thing, which goodness that was actually pretty sexy, but yeah. I just keep getting worse and worse until I stop myself and recommit to being good. 

That’s just what happens when I don’t get sex when I need it. When I actually do bad things, like physically walking across the street illegally, I start doing stuff like actually having sex with guys. Then it moves to either using them to fulfill my fantasies, or just using them for whatever I can get. Then, I usually ditch and be good again. 

My current spiral is a lot worse than any of the rest. I’ve moved past anywhere I’ve ever been on the porn front, and on the guy front. Watching autopsies and freaking finding the perfect guy for evil plan, and one for my good path too? I’m just not sure what is next. I’m almost at the end of my spiral and I’m not sure where it is taking me.

I can’t be with the perfect evil plan guy because I’m trying to be good. I can’t be up front about my issues with the other one because I’m all weird and embarrassed whenever he talks to me, and I’m not trying to make people hate me either.

I can’t find any videos showing the type of cutting I’d like to see, and I’ve already watched someone choke someone to death. There’s really nothing left other than choosing to go with my evil plan. I don’t think I could ever do that, but it’s easier, so it’s tempting. That’s the scary part.

I could have everything I’ve ever desired. All of the reasons I hate society can be fixed if I just do the evil things I planned to do. I’d be married, have happy kids, have unhappy people in the torture room, and just swimming in pleasure, but I wouldn’t go to heaven and I’d hate myself even more than I do now.

This is why I need a good guy. I need someone who will say don’t ever do that, when I say I want to murder people or anything evil like that. I need a guy who won’t even consider kidnapping anyone. I need a man sized impulse control substitute/master. 

 Dude.

Have you read about an external locus of control? You write like some interventionist god is pulling the strings and it comes across as really pathetic (no offense, but dude...)

Being good and being bad are decisions. There's no vacuuming spiral that pulls anyone in either direction. It's just a choice. People like to externalize it when shit starts going wrong, but that road doesn't lead anywhere useful or enlightening. If you did something bad and the consequences sucked, that's on you, not on some "spiral" that's out of your control.

 

 I wrote that I spiral. It’s my spiral. I choose to do worse and worse things because I feel like doing something bad is doing something bad, no matter at it is or how bad it is, so to my brain, really crossing the street is bad, just like punching someone in the face is. I’m just saying that once I break the seal, they are all just sins. I don’t think in terms of illegality except through the lens of Christianity. We only have to follow the laws because God said follow the laws of the land. That’s why I always have to CHOOSE to be good after I start doing bad stuff. Now though, I do not belong to myself, so I can just ask my owner if it’s okay and he is good, so I will never be able to choose bad stuff again.

 So you choose to spiral because your brain draws an equivalence between jaywalking and assault? Why is that?

 

NotImportant said: 

Theo said: 

Pinocchio said: 

So is alcoholism. Just a choice dude.

That's a reductive interpretation of my point. Alcoholism isn't a choice, but recovery is. Being born into poverty isn't a choice, but voting for institutions that perpetuate it is. I'm not saying you can choose to wake up and be a sober billionaire, but you'll get nowhere if you deny the small choices you've got in life.

 So you’re a republican? You do choose to drink and to keep drinking if you’re an alcoholic. You can also go through withdraw and be done. Alcoholism is a choice at some point, then it turns into more of a compulsion.

 I'm registered Republican but occasionally a swing voter.

Alcoholism is a disease, I don't dispute that. But we have choices relative to diseases, just like you can choose to live off twinkies and lose your feet to diabetes. You don't get to choose the genetic predisposition, but there are usually factors you can choose to modify or not.

 Because all bad things are labeled bad things in my brain. They aren’t categorized by what they involve, just by whether they are good or bad. Jaywalking is in the bad category with punching someone.

Turncoat said: 

NotImportant said: 

Theo said: 

Pinocchio said: 

So is alcoholism. Just a choice dude.

That's a reductive interpretation of my point. Alcoholism isn't a choice, but recovery is. Being born into poverty isn't a choice, but voting for institutions that perpetuate it is. I'm not saying you can choose to wake up and be a sober billionaire, but you'll get nowhere if you deny the small choices you've got in life.

So you’re a republican? You do choose to drink and to keep drinking if you’re an alcoholic. You can also go through withdraw and be done. Alcoholism is a choice at some point, then it turns into more of a compulsion.

That strongly depends on your views on free will. 

As a Determinist, I don't figure free will exists at all (or at the very least it's not 'free'). 

 Free will is real. When I try to be good and then I plan to do something bad and the bad thing doesn’t look like it will be possible to do, I ask God to make it possible for me to do the bad thing and I ask to exercise my free will and then I’m able to do the bad thing, like magic. It’s real man.