That's fair.
Btw the reason I wanted to annoy you is because I think we have a lot in common and could become friends. But appearantly you love being an edgy contrarian and would take humor over a potential friendship 🙄
Regardless, blanc you're not anyone who deserves tk have any say about this topic because you don't and can't know true suffering. Actually depressed people deserve to speak. The fact that you think you can speak for them shows how flippant and arrogant you are. Their experiences matter, not yours.
Actually depressed people deserve to speak.
The fact that they typically won't is the joke problem.
Wow this has been perceived entirely wrong... um... hm.
I don’t know how to say this without it being misconstrued so let me try to be perfectly clear here.
People are angry at me, about imagined assumptions and perceptions regarding me. They are casting onto me strange thoughts and judgements. Which are very far from the truth. In this case, my intentions behind creating this thread.
People think- everytime I write something, that I am doing it for various reasons that are generally extremely shallow and, aim at directing something toward myself- whatever it may be. Attention, pity, or some other various, completely selfish desire, usually rooted in narcissism or a deluded view of my own self?
AKA people are saying that I think I have depression when I do not in actuality, in this case. But in other cases its, you think you have trauma but you do not. You think xyz, but, negates xyz. Is the general response to everything I say.
People are directing a lot of stuff at me in particular, as if I am a blank canvas for them to project their own perceptions onto. Because I am so open, it leaves a lot of room for interpretation, judgement, criticism.
When I respond to it, the process of judgement and criticism only continues.
You are a narcissist for whatever response you say in response to someone calling you a narcissist. There is no winning. The claims just keep coming, and they are self-supporting ideas, perpetuated by assumption, opinion, perception.
That’s why I just say, “that’s your opinion and you can have it.” Is sort of my approach because, no matter what I say here in response, everything I do will always be judged and criticized in an extremely negative light.
I’m not saying that I am ‘entitled’ to be well received, or that you are not ‘allowed’ to have opinions of me which are not purely positive. I’m not saying that I don’t ‘deserve’ criticism, or that I am ‘perfect’.
But things that were not meant to be about me, are made about me some of the time, when I do not wish it to be. I had to phrase this topic, “in my experience” because I cannot speak for all experiences and descriptions of depression. I can only go from my own.
But it’s not an attempt to feign anything for myself, whether it be attention, pity, sympathy, or wishing people to ‘get it’ and ‘understand’ my ‘woe is me’ tapestry of self loathing and sorrow. It’s not a ‘look at me’ thing at all.
That is so far from what I was intending this topic to be, but this (your responses) it how it was received and perceived and, all I can do is continually try to clarify that’s not what was meant.
But, the more I try- the more people continue to reject whatever I say, turn it and use it against me. Saying that I am manipulative or trying to do some strange perception management by cleverly turning the tables and, evading judgement of my ‘big narcissistic impenetrable fortress brain’ and ‘shit personality’ or lack there of (according to you).
and then, you call me stupid by insinuating that I simply can’t understand what you are saying.
I do understand what you are saying, and I hear you. And while that would make for a really fun, internet game of e-battling should I be this person you’ve painted me out to be in your mind. “Down to earth heros battle the deluded manipulative narcissistic whiny spoiled brat!”
It’s just, how you see me, it’s not, who I am. And then when I say you’ve misunderstood- you say that I’m using that as a defense or a go-to ‘card’ to pull. But what I’m really trying to say when I say that- is that *I haven’t done a good enough job being as absolutely clear as possible with my words to accurately convey what the fuck I was trying to say, or an accurate depiction of myself, my life, my intentions, my actions, my behaviors, my thoughts, my feelings, etc. I have no communicated this properly.” That’s what I mean. Not that you are inept or incapable of perceiving ‘me and my big brain of infinite wisdom and power that you could never possibly understand because I’m just that fucking unique and above you in some way’ or whatever else.
I’m just simply saying, “let me do a better job of saying what I was originally trying to convey in the first place.”
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and reguarding this thread, I was just doing it because I found the idea creatively interesting and have for a very long time. I enjoy doing creative things and it’s a mental exercise of sorts. I was interested in other people’s experiences and thoughts about depression and was interested to open up a conversation about it and see where it took us. I am reaching out to other people not to ‘be heard’ but simply to talk and create a back and forth and to connect, and to create an opportunity for others to speak too, about their experiences.
And depression is not the ‘mystery’ topic here. (That’s not what I said.) I meant, that depression is difficult to convey accurately. It doesn’t hit home as hard just reading it as words on a page. But when applied to kinesthetic universal experiences, it becomes much easier to understand and can bridge the gap much easier. My goal was to put people inside the shoes.
A lot of people say they wish they could have someone inside their shoes for one day to know what it’s like, and so this was my whack at it.
But it was just meant to be a kind of cool idea that I wanted other people to join in on if they were interested. I didn’t think anyone honestly would though, because depression is generally a boring topic to most people and they probably don’t have the same motivation to talk about it.
But regardless, all experiences are different, just like you insinuated in your post TC referring to how there are people who need help and are depressed but do not have any ‘dramatic’ symptoms or are not your typical ‘depressed’ person in any sort of way. And they often do not ask for help because they may be unaware they need it, that what they are like is abnormal, or- for some other various reason. But you’re correct, a lot do not ask for help, or speak out about what they experience, or recognize it outwardly.
And it can be much more complicated than just feeling tired, unmotivated, trapped, etc- like I was describing.
But I was starting with the basics as an introductory to the idea to see if my kinesthetic approach idea would even apply nicely.
And this was never my intention to display or explain or describe *all* of what *all depressoin* in its *entirety* is like for *everyone* because that would take me fucking ions to do alone. The amount of research it would require, and how long that would take, it would just, be an infinite task.
But I tried to succinctly say as a disclaimer in the beginning, “there are many types and experiences and I’m just conveying mine.” As a way of saying, I cannot possibly talk about ALL of it because its way too complicated.
But I can at least touch on one baby example of like, hey you wanna know what I mean by tired, this is what I mean by tired. Yeah, I mean that tired. You wanna feel the aggravation and agitation you might feel with depression, try this, and you will see what I mean.
IT was a thought experiment. It’s not a research paper on all depression and what all of it is like in its entirety I can’t possibly convey that it would just take ions like I said.
This wasn’t meant to do that. It was just meant to explain what I *can* or what I found *feasible* to explain with kinesthetic experiences.
Not everything about depression can be described with kinesthetic experiences but *some of it can* so this was my attempt at trying to do that.
It was as if I asked the question, “If you had to describe depression using a lemon, what would you do.”
And then someone squeezed the lemon in their hands violently. And then you said, “but not all depression is like a lemon being squeezed. Sometimes the lemon looks perfectly fine.”
And yeah, sometimes it does. But that wasn’t the point of this, it was meant to be an *exercise* or an *experiment* in thought. A *mental exercise* just like *theoretically* for *fun* because I enjoy *the challenge* of doing *creative mental gymnastics* and exploring abstract thought.
And I’m over here being all abstract and you’re trying to psychoanalyze me while I’m doing it, label me, judging, criticizing, etc. (which hey, you’re allowed to do if you want) and, it can result in some serious misperceptions. (But its my bad, not yours). And you’re trying to be very critical like, applying ‘critical reasoning’ to whatever it is I’m proposing and like extreme logic.
Ur applying extreme objective logic to extremely irrational abstract
While also having misperception about my intention behind sharing the abstract thought, because of, the whole, judging, psychoanalyzing, critical, logic brain thing.
And I’m like shifted into a whole other gear which is more aimed at like just creatively constructing new lines of thought and exploring, thought between others.
And when I write all these posts, guess what. They say it’s anther ‘tome of self worship’ to add to my many ‘tomes of self worship’ that I’ve delineated across the site for years.
Boiling down my intentions behind every single key stroke and thought process I’ve had on this website, to extreme narcissism? (When that’s not true and I’ve tried to explain why in several lengthy posts just like this).
Blanc, I get that the reactions you receive are confusing to you, but if you really want to have better relationships with people here, I think you need to seriously consider what it is about the way you're presenting yourself that's causing it. Most of the time, you talk about it as if it's utterly inexplicable and has little or nothing to do with you, instead being some kind of mass social delusion. But the fact is, most people here have very similar objections. Even if you think they're wrong about you, it means you're doing something unintentionally that's giving everyone the same impression, and you can't expect that to change without you addressing that problem in yourself. Try to understand where they're coming from and meet them halfway.
