One of the few books I picked up and could not put down.
Mentoring Teens is Dumb
Regardless of what some might think of me, I regard myself as a pretty decent person in general. I've given money to charity, by not voting at all I never voted for Bush, and I always try to accomodate the suicidal wishes of all the sad woodsy creatures who hop in front of my car by not swerving. In fact, I'm such a terrific, benevolent fellow that I sometimes go too far even for my own good. Case in point: this stupid teenager I started mentoring for god only knows why.
I know it sounds bad, but honestly, this kid is a total idiot. Maybe I was being a bit too idealistic in thinking my mentee might be a cool, intelligent guy from the start, but never in my wildest nightmares could I imagine getting stuck with someone like this. In the spirit the title 'Teen Mentor' connotes, I've tried to take him under my wing, steer him towards things that might make him a more dynamic, well rounded person, but it's useless. The kid's stupid, boring and close minded, and to be completely honest, I'm starting to genuinely despise him.
For starters, the only thing more difficult than wrenching this kid away from his PlayStation is prying more than three words from his voice box, and even when I succeed in either struggle I wonder why I bother. The week before last I managed to talk him into going to the movies, only he wasn't interested in seeing something good like "The Fall" or "Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson". Of course not. He wanted to see "Meet Dave" because it looked "kinda funny". So of course it sucks, and he didn't laugh once, but when I ask the moron afterwards what he thought he says it was "pretty good". So I ask him what he liked about it and he says, "I dunno".
I shit you not.
I swear, the only thing worse than this kid's conversation skills or taste in movies is his taste in music and everything else on the planet. Ever wonder what kind of soulless freaks are responsible for propelling the most insipid bullshit your ears have ever had the misfortune of overhearing to the top of the charts each and every week? I used to, but now I know.
Perhaps you think I'm overreacting? As if it might be conceivable for this fucking eggplant to be disengaged from an electronic gadget for more than five minutes, he's got a cell phone his nose is constantly buried in that he's downloaded about a million of the most irritating audio files ever created onto that he plays at full blast everywhere we go. I'm talking Rob Schneider shouting "You can do it!" from that Waterboy movie to 50 Cent's "In Da Club" kind of irritating. We were in line at Taco Bell a couple days ago (it's pretty much all he eats - he hates Indian and Thai even though he's never tried either, by the way) when he starts playing that line "Show me the money!" from Jerry Maguire over and over and over again like some kind of OCD retard, and I swear to God it took every ounce of my constitution to resist shoving the thing up his ass.
So maybe I'm not such a saint after all. Fine. The way things are going, I'd rather break the four year committment I made with the slave masters that run this organization and let whoever think what they like rather than spend another day suppressing the overwhelming urge to just totally go off on this kid.
Seriously, it's no wonder his dad took off.
