Sociopath Community

No, it's not just SC and Discord. You tend to do this thing where you assume more than you ought to.

So to clue you in on some things, I've been making all the food around the house because one person is too exhausted to do it, the other is unable to handle it mentally, anymore. I'm also keeping the place clean, because while my grandfather is meant to try do it to stay mentally active, some things are too complex for him at this point. I also have to do things like return orders before the deadline is too late.

And yes, I missed the program. There's always next week TC, don't worry.

Tryptamine said: 

No, it's not just SC and Discord. You tend to do this thing where you assume more than you ought to.

So to clue you in on some things, I've been making all the food around the house because one person is too exhausted to do it, the other is unable to handle it mentally, anymore.

Couldn't they get a home care nurse who actually knows what they're doing, one who isn't a risk towards themselves and those around them? 

You're an unstable solution. 

I'm also keeping the place clean, because while we have my grandfather is meant to try do it to stay mentally active, some things are too complex for him at this point. I also have to do things like return orders before the deadline is too late.

What return orders? 

How did your grandfolks handle your 3 days of detox without you? 

And yes, I missed the program. There's always next week TC, don't worry.

I'm sure your sleep will be more important, again, but you're welcome to prove me wrong instead of continuing to make grandstanding claims beyond your capacity. 

You straight up now say that you don't expect to get better, so why even say something like this? 

So the care nurse is a possibility, but the thing is, the housing situation is such that the more wise decision for them is to save money. My grandmother wants to move out, because she is getting to a point where she can no longer be a caregiver for my grandfather. She's tired of me being the only person who shows up to talk to her, and she wants to move in with family.

My grandfather having Huntington's, it's becoming increasingly dangerous for him to have a room upstairs. Because of the stairs. Huntington's is a terminal condition involving lack of motor skills, so him living here is a death sentence. We're figuring out what to do, but the clear conclusion is that it doesn't involve living in this house forever.

The return orders are a shirt or two that I have to send back because I made some ordering errors. One's the wrong size, one was just a bad decision. I also have to dispute an EBay order because some faggot tried to scam me and conveniently deleted his account.

And TC, I recognize that I have some difficulties with addiction. I see a therapist weekly, I see a psychiatrist as needed. Does that come off as me doing nothing to you?

Tryptamine said: 

So the care nurse is a possibility, but the thing is, the housing situation is such that the more wise decision for them is to save money.

Judging by how you described your speed of "polishing off" your last bottle, I'm guessing you buy the harder stuff on their wage and that you buy it often. 

It might actually be cheaper for them to go for a home care nurse, especially if any of their insurance covers it. If you were to go on SSI they'd also save significantly more money. 

My grandmother wants to move out, because she is getting to a point where she can no longer be a caregiver for my grandfather. She's tired of me being the only person who shows up to talk to her, and she wants to move in with family.

That's actually a really smart call on her part. 

Hopefully your yelling at her about how they're crazy and going to die before threatening to buy more booze on their paycheck was the wake up call she needed. 

The return orders are a shirt or two that I have to send back because I made some ordering errors. One's the wrong size, one was just a bad decision. I also have to dispute an EBay order because some faggot tried to scam me and conveniently deleted his account.

I must be reading this wrong, but did you just try to tell me that you're too busy returning shirts to enter a program that could very well save your life? 

Weird priorities. 

And TC, I recognize that I have some difficulties with addiction. I see a therapist weekly, I see a psychiatrist as needed. Does that come off as me doing nothing to you?

Yes, because this has been hoisted upon you by your environment and even then you actively (and passively) resist their help. 

You don't want to get better, and figure you know better than those around you. Even your time in detox was spent with you ranking yourself above other junkies around you instead of having their sorrow resonate in a way that'd have you see you're on their level. 

I was using my own money for months, but ~$16 a week isn't bad when I end up broke. Does it suck that I borrow money? Yeah, maybe I should be a bit more responsible for myself. But I end up doing things like getting food cards that help out more than I ever use for alcohol. I'm in the process of working on one now.

One of the things that is difficult to explain to people is that while I do act a bit crazy sometimes, and it's not good that I do that, it isn't as bad as you may think. I'm one of the most mellow people in my family. Situations like that are not only just par for the course with everyone, they're normal. There is fighting every day, and I'm usually not a part of any of it. If you think I'm wild, you should meet my aunt. This isn't an attempt to trivialize what happened, obviously it's a negative thing that I did. But the impact is probably far less severe than you imagine, coming from a stable home and all.

The shirts was part of what I needed to do, and also I need to be around the house to make sure things are able to get done. I'm making dinner tonight because no one else is capable, also cleaning up the kitchen, etc. I also have this issue where it rains through my ceiling. If I were to let that fester unattended for 30-60 days, there would be some mold issues. I think an outpatient program is fine.

None of what I'm doing was "hoisted" upon me. I sought out psychiatric help of my own volition, no one forced me to do that. I was given some resources when I was in a psych unit, and I pursued them.

It's a lot more like you think you know better than those around you. If you paid attention to what I said when I brought the people I was up with, I said something to the effect of, "but I'm no better, I'm in the trenches with them."

Tryptamine said: 

I was using my own money for months, but ~$16 a week isn't bad when I end up broke. Does it suck that I borrow money? Yeah, maybe I should be a bit more responsible for myself. But I end up doing things like getting food cards that help out more than I ever use for alcohol. I'm in the process of working on one now. 

Okay, so why not just get on SSI? 

So I take it that you're saying you only spend $64/month off their wages, and that the food cards are probably your grandfolks'? 

One of the things that is difficult to explain to people is that while I do act a bit crazy sometimes, and it's not good that I do that, it isn't as bad as you may think. I'm one of the most mellow people in my family.

Who are you trying to convince at this point? 

Situations like that are not only just par for the course with everyone, they're normal. There is fighting every day, and I'm usually not a part of any of it. If you think I'm wild, you should meet my aunt.

Those people aren't on this forum, so comparing yourself to them does nothing for me. We're talking about you now, your reluctance to get better in spite of yourself, and diverting just serves as a distraction from the real issues. 

This isn't an attempt to trivialize what happened, obviously it's a negative thing that I did. But the impact is probably far less severe than you imagine, coming from a stable home and all.

Okay, family history established I guess. Here's some sad violin. 

Your sob stories don't change your present circumstances, they just serve as momentary excuses and as reinforcement towards why you should just be able to drink. You're at this point taking people who sound like they're giving up on you as validation for the hopelessness of your circumstances. 

You're actively resisting getting better because you don't want to get better, and each time you try to spout on otherwise is a sad contradiction that pulls those that care about you down. As you continue to claim you're "gonna do it this time!" and then sabotage yourself, other's patiences get thinner and thinner. 

The shirts was part of what I needed to do

It's extraneous, there was no need to mention it at all. It makes your claims of not having time to go into a 30 day program sound like you're reaching for them. 

I need to be around the house to make sure things are able to get done.

How was it for them while you were in detox? How did they handle themselves for those three days? 

I'm making dinner tonight because no one else is capable, also cleaning up the kitchen, etc.

Your grandmother can't put something in the microwave? 

A lot of these problems you complain about go away the minute they find other family to stay with, or even get a home care nurse. The home care nurse and SSI should really be explored. 

I also have this issue where it rains through my ceiling. If I were to let that fester unattended for 30-60 days, there would be some mold issues. 

This is even more extraneous than the shirts. 

I think an outpatient program is fine.

As long as it's left in your hands, you will not get better, especially when it's not your goal to get better. 

I agree with your therapist and your social worker, you need to go for residential. The control has to be out of your hands or you'll just use it to keep fucking yourself up. You're an expert self-sabotager, but still somehow figure your judgement can be trusted on it's own. 

It can't, you need help. Do the residential. 

None of what I'm doing was "hoisted" upon me. I sought out psychiatric help of my own volition, no one forced me to do that. I was given some resources when I was in a psych unit, and I pursued them.

The detox was entirely timed alongside your freaking out at your grandparents enough to have the cops called on you. Up to that point, you've likely just been reporting to your therapist just like you would here: Convenient half-truths that fit the narrative of "everything is fiiiiiiiiine". 

You'd have to actually believe that you're out of control to be able to get any help. As long as you keep up this control freak tendency you will never let anyone close enough to help you. 

It's a lot more like you think you know better than those around you. If you paid attention to what I said when I brought the people I was up with, I said something to the effect of, "but I'm no better, I'm in the trenches with them."

I've been reading your posts (and saving some). You've been using very clear distancing language and even referred to other addicts as disgusting. 

You can do the logical form of "Well, we must not be that different, as why else am I here?" easily enough, but to internalize it and experience the truth of it takes letting yourself see that you're just as much shit as they are instead of thinking you're a polished turd in the sewers. 

Tryptamine said: 

And yes, I missed the program. There's always next week TC, don't worry.

So how's the program?

A lot of your arguments appear to be in bad faith.

You take it that the food cards belong to my grandparents. You diminish the meaning of my living conditions, while simultaneously trying to project your own thoughts on the situation, despite very minimal knowledge. Claiming I am doing nothing for my own betterment, when I am the most active participant. Again, I am bored. The rest is not worth bothering with.

They also appear to be from six days ago, and you've this many weeks in made it clear that you don't want to face your own life. 

So I take it you've skipped it for two weeks straight now? 

Nope.