Hate having to be human so much that want to punish self for allowing it to happen.
So I take it you aren't learning anything from your human incarnation this time around?
instead of just killing self. used to tell self that self was scared of death but nah, truthfully want to punish self. Truth Wednesday. Believes (for many reasons, will not go into them all) that chose to incarnate into this specific life before incarnating rather than "it happened without my consciousness having any control over it". Am very mad at consciousness for thinking it was okay to do this to me
It's a shame that your need to feel in control is this strong.
Why do you need to see it as if everything you did was a conscious, purposeful thing? What makes something happening outside of your control so scary, even to the point of self-blaming and shit?Soul wants self to live out full lifetime and experience all suffering. when get back to spirit realm it will feel like only a brief second of being gone but will have access to the entirity of life memories and much more information that will be very valuable to soul
Why does it have to be your own fault?
It has nothing to do with "want", need or control, I've experienced the truth so undeniably that it cant be refuted
You just expressed how you were mad at yourself for choosing to incarnate as a person.
No, i am both understanding and mad. You seem to be very limited in your capacity to have multiple emotions and opinions at a time. Interesting. How unfortunate to be so limited
How does it have nothing to do with "want", need, or control though?