Sociopath Community

Turncoat said:

Sure.

 No. There's no reason for me to do that. You're being dumb. On some level, I do feel I don't deny that, especially in regards to my passion about my worldview, and how I'd love to see the birth of a new mankind with new values, and a new code of honor that isn't prescribed by some elite, or religion, but rather by mankind itself. 





I consider this video by Sagan enlightening. 




I'd like to find a wife for me to love with similar values to me, and I'd love to have children with her and raise them together. I'd like to teach my children to be self-sufficient and care for one another. 

That's if I were to reach that point, if I don't find a wife, then I'm content with fighting for my values and creating a new world, and being apart of said new world government, or serving in it's military until retirement. 

I'm sorry that my dream seems too big and ambitious, maybe it is. Doesn't mean I should just give up and conform to society like you say I should. 




Perhaps, I could be doing a more ludicrous route, if I am, I will adjust accordingly, I still plan on entering the military, I will gain practical knowledge, and I will focus on my basic goal of becoming a polymath. From there, I can adjust accordingly, I could decide whether or not, I could join a party and try to agitate and gain more members, or I could go to the third world, and volunteer to help those in desperate need. 

While I may not entirely care for people on a more personal based level, I have a care for humanity on a societal level, and I wish to carry out my views because I believe it will lead to a more secular, scientific, grander humanity.

I could change my mind, I still seek to expand my knowledge. Maybe at some point, I could consider going to an actual therapist and seek counseling. I don't believe there to be anything detrimentally wrong with me. 

“We have no compassion and we ask no compassion from you. When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror." ~ Karl Marx

"We represent in ourselves organized terror—this must be said very clearly," and "The Red Terror involves the terrorization, arrests and extermination of enemies of the revolution on the basis of their class affiliation or of their pre-revolutionary roles."

- Felix Dzerzhinsky

Capitalism has for too long ran it's course. It was a great system when it was first created, but it has become a cancerous growth. Sure, I benefit from it, that doesn't matter. All of humanity should benefit, and it shouldn't be at the cost of the planet. I don't believe that my system, or that my views would lead to some form of utopian paradise. Of course not, but I consider my goals to be better than that of the current system. 

I am a human being, sure with flaws, but I am not a monster, I might have things in my mind that are likened to monsters, but I am better than them. Monsters might have aspects that inspire me, but I am better than them. Some things require sacrifice, and if that sacrifice means breaking some form of generally accepted morality, than so be it. The ends justify the means. 

Even if I am somehow not a human, I will do what I must for humanity. 

I don't see any point to continuing this conversation with you.

Sintetika said: 

Turncoat said:

Sure.

No. There's no reason for me to do that. You're being dumb.

Are you kidding, those are the parts of who you are that you don't air out as often. Why would I prefer the stuff you say all the time? 

Do you think therapists and the like just look for the mundane day-to-day when building a case study? 

You're being dumb by not seeing the value in the underexercised areas. 

On some level, I do feel I don't deny that, especially in regards to my passion about my worldview, and how I'd love to see the birth of a new mankind with new values, and a new code of honor that isn't prescribed by some elite, or religion, but rather by mankind itself. 

You're a dreamer, and the dreams are your Opium. 

I don't see any point to continuing this conversation with you.

Of course not, it threatens you. This is how you justify running away from the discomfort. 

As long as that's what you're prone to, you'll never get anything done. You'll sit in place while making grandstanding promises to your future self, much like the Biking Across America guy: 

When it comes to your emotions, you're a coward. 

Turncoat said:

Are you kidding, those are the parts of who you are that you don't air out as often. Why would I prefer the stuff you say all the time?

Do you think therapists and the like just look for the mundane day-to-day when building a case study?

You're being dumb by not seeing the value in the underexercised areas.

 Did you not bother to read the area where I could consider going to a therapist? Is everyone a therapist TC? Do I just open up all my problems and shit to the world? Well, apparently that's what you'd want. Of course, I'd fucking tell a therapist my problems if I ever were to spoke to one, that's kind of the point of one. 

Turncoat said:

You're a dreamer, and the dreams are your Opium.

 If you say so. 

Turncoat said:

Of course not, it threatens you. This is how you justify running away from the discomfort.

 Or maybe I just don't see any progress when I speak with you, I feel like this literally goes nowhere. 

Turncoat said:

When it comes to your emotions, you're a coward.

 Not sure how I'm a coward because I have a very blunted way of a feeling, can't see anything wrong with that. 

What the hell am I supposed to do? You tell me to go into emotionally charging areas? I explain one of anger, but because it coincides too much with my "construct" it must not be my true self. 

I don't know where the emotionally charging areas you want me to go into are. I don't feel anything towards my family. I couldn't give a fuck if they killed over. 

I can't think of anything that makes me cry. I can think of things that would piss me off, but cry? No, and I already sulk sometimes in that sulfuric anger. 



I just don't see any reason to trust you, I respect you as an intellectual but that's really about it. There's an other person in this community that does a greater job of getting through to me, than you, and then I have my friend, who is of Lacanianist thought, that also tries to help me. 

Sintetika said: 

Turncoat said:

Are you kidding, those are the parts of who you are that you don't air out as often. Why would I prefer the stuff you say all the time?

Do you think therapists and the like just look for the mundane day-to-day when building a case study?

You're being dumb by not seeing the value in the underexercised areas.

Did you not bother to read the area where I could consider going to a therapist? Is everyone a therapist TC?

Why does digging deeper into you make you uncomfortable when it's on some level what you want? 

Seriously, you go topic to topic like "I like the parts where we talk about me", then flip shit when it gets too deep. Grow some skin if you can't even have discussions about you in spite of yourself. 

Do I just open up all my problems and shit to the world? Well, apparently that's what you'd want. Of course, I'd fucking tell a therapist my problems if I ever were to spoke to one, that's kind of the point of one. 

No, you wouldn't. You're discussing function without looking at your own fear. 

Knowing you, you'd never even make it to the therapist in the first place. By and large, you're someone you don't want to know, which is in conflict with how self-focused you otherwise are. 

If you knew who you are, who you were, you'd have to live with yourself instead of merely your construct dreams. That's clearly way, way too hard for you, as evident not only with these bouts of emotion, but from your forced and insisted "splitting" from your former self that you seem to see as safer. 

You ought to stop posing in super hero costumes in the mirror and give yourself a long hard look. 

Turncoat said:

You're a dreamer, and the dreams are your Opium.

If you say so. 

You'd disagree? 

Turncoat said:

Of course not, it threatens you. This is how you justify running away from the discomfort.

 Or maybe I just don't see any progress when I speak with you, I feel like this literally goes nowhere. 

Why does talking about the uncomfortable things seem like a lack of progress? 

You can't even comfortably say these things in text format despite how badly you want to, that's pretty weak dude. 

Turncoat said:

When it comes to your emotions, you're a coward.

 Not sure how I'm a coward because I have a very blunted way of a feeling, can't see anything wrong with that. 

You call this emotional shitshow "blunted"? 

Just because your physical form when at a computer might go into computer deadness doesn't mean that you aren't responding internally. 

What the hell am I supposed to do? You tell me to go into emotionally charging areas? I explain one of anger, but because it coincides too much with my "construct" it must not be my true self. 

Why do you only want to say the repetitious stuff? Why not explore new ground? 

Does newness scare you, does change scare you? It'd explain how you ended up so quote unquote "lazy" as you'd put it in the past if it's over issues with moving forward. 

I don't know where the emotionally charging areas you want me to go into are. I don't feel anything towards my family. I couldn't give a fuck if they killed over. 

You should just let yourself feel as openly as possible through the course of these discussions, at the very least as an exercise in letting yourself feel. 

I can't think of anything that makes me cry. I can think of things that would piss me off, but cry? No, and I already sulk sometimes in that sulfuric anger. 

So you transfer all your negative feelings into rage? 

Does that help you feel like you're doing a better job at wrestling for control over the situation? Why do you figure that need for control is there? 

I just don't see any reason to trust you, I respect you as an intellectual but that's really about it.

You only get like this once it hurts. 

Stop being so weak and learn to take it ya pussy. It's when you challenge yourself outside of your safe zones that new experiences can let you grow. 

This is where you'll likely try to turn the camera back onto me from feeling too observed. 

There's an other person in this community that does a greater job of getting through to me, than you, and then I have my friend, who is of Lacanianist thought, that also tries to help me. 

This isn't about pulling rank, and with these others you'd feel challenged as well. Your friends are likely enablers, and the ones you'd really open up to instead of merely rant about shit have got to be women. You desire safety from otherwise feeling so unsafe with... words? 

You're a control freak, huh? 

Turncoat said:

Why does digging deeper into you make you uncomfortable when it's on some level what you want?

Seriously, you go topic to topic like "I like the parts where we talk about me", then flip shit when it gets too deep. Grow some skin if you can't even have discussions about you in spite of yourself.

 I'm flipping shit because it's too deep?

You want me to discuss about how I fantasize about killing pedophiles, bourgeoisie, and nazis, and that my sadistics thoughts seems to have molded into a sexual fantasy of rape, torture, and necrophilia. Is that what we're here to discuss, Doctor? How I've found dead bodies of women sexually appealing despite the fact that I view myself as a man of honor? I can speak about it, I didn't want to. There's an aspect of me that if my whole end goal were to fail, then I'd devolve into chaos, and would simply see life as one big game.

What else is there to talk about? I still don't find myself with emotionally charged zones or anything, as I say this, my demeanor is calm and collected. I don't see myself freaking out. I just didn't want to bring it up on a public forum post. 

I mean sure, I get dark sexual fantasies, but even then I try to keep clean from sexual thoughts of decadence, it's not great when you have a grander path to follow. 


I don't think change scares me, as I'm the one who wants to bring about change.








So, to reinforce this. I'm a guy that has killed and tortured some small animals for a sense of control, while also jerking off to videos and pictures of dying/dead people. Not a lot, but somewhat. Whether it be real. or fiction. 

clap clap clap, is this progress TC? I don't notice anything change. I mean, honestly most of my sexual fantasies involve hypnosis, could that be linked to this as well? Perhaps I am a control freak. I recall having the hypnosis fantasy of dominance since I was at least 12-13. Is this making progress TC? Are we getting there?


Regardless of these facts. I can overcome these "dark urges" specifically the sexual ones. I can get rid of them. I know I have the strength to. 

The shit about just torturing and killing, I'd embrace that one to an extent, especially towards the scum of the earth. 


https://vocaroo.com/6UULAh1Seo2

Sintetika said: 

Turncoat said:

Why does digging deeper into you make you uncomfortable when it's on some level what you want?

Seriously, you go topic to topic like "I like the parts where we talk about me", then flip shit when it gets too deep. Grow some skin if you can't even have discussions about you in spite of yourself.

I'm flipping shit because it's too deep?

Yes, you by nature crave lofty and superficial through a sociological lens. 

You want me to discuss about how I fantasize about killing pedophiles, bourgeoisie, and nazis, and that my sadistics thoughts seems to have molded into a sexual fantasy of rape, torture, and necrophilia.

Among other things, it's not like this is all that you're turning away from yourself. These fantasies are likely serving as proxies for more foundational needs. 

Also this is another point in favor of your Dream Addiction. Instead of hitting a heavy bag or running some laps you imagine "bad things". 

Is that what we're here to discuss, Doctor?

How isn't this sort of tone meant to be taken as anything other than confrontational? 

How I've found dead bodies of women sexually appealing despite the fact that I view myself as a man of honor?

You think you're the only one on this website that's expressed a gore fetish? Our own admin had a stint with something similar, and others here seem to at least like it as a medium. Peach and Cain have been posting about being into cutting, and others seemed on board with it. Seriously man where do you think we are? 

You'd see that the things you're exploding about right now don't mean as much as you think they do if you'd just communicate it, and if you'd stop dividing things into such a moralistic black and white.

Having these fantasies does not make you a bad person, a lot of people fantasize way darker shit than you on the daily, and if they tell you otherwise they're liars or something's wrong with them. 

I can speak about it, I didn't want to. There's an aspect of me that if my whole end goal were to fail, then I'd devolve into chaos, and would simply see life as one big game.

The fact that you don't want to speak about it is what gives it weight, while speaking about it is the first step towards understanding and trivializing it. 

You need to give it's cage some slack if you want it complaining less. 

What else is there to talk about? I still don't find myself with emotionally charged zones or anything, as I say this, my demeanor is calm and collected. I don't see myself freaking out. I just didn't want to bring it up on a public forum post. 

For starters, we could discuss why it is you keep feeling the need to insist towards everyone that you're calm and collected, that you're unfeeling, anytime that you become budged. 

Surely when others do that sort of behavior you see the inherent contradiction? Your typing's even shifted in tone. 

I mean sure, I get dark sexual fantasies, but even then I try to keep clean from sexual thoughts of decadence, it's not great when you have a grander path to follow. 

This is likely just another fantasy outlet. If you gave it the time it needs to be understood, you might be able to find other outlets for it based on it's more primal components. 

You need to truly see what you're working with if you want to work on it, otherwise you're going in blind. 

I don't think change scares me, as I'm the one who wants to bring about change.

Dreaming of change is very different from acting on it, and your current plans are how you escape the pain of the present. You desire to sit still and use the computer, re-reading the same escapist materials so that you don't have to deal with the things you find uncomfortable. The areas in your life that budge you you tend to turn towards impossibly larger concepts so that you won't have to deal with more intimate interpersonal issues. 

"I'm not lazy, I'm going to do great things that will change the world later!" You might as well be telling me about how you're going to bike across America. 

So, to reinforce this. I'm a guy that has killed and tortured some small animals for a sense of control, while also jerking off to videos and pictures of dying/dead people. Not a lot, but somewhat. Whether it be real. or fiction. 

Why bother with the summation? Does it give a sense of closure? 

clap clap clap, is this progress TC? I don't notice anything change. I mean, honestly most of my sexual fantasies involve hypnosis, could that be linked to this as well?

It definitely fits the "Control Freak" model, and expresses elements of your insecurity with control of the situation in spite of the desire to have it. 

It's like when someone feels "better" fucking a sleeping person, it's either about control or with issues feeling watched. Adding hypnosis to the deal just confirms that it's the former. 

The need for control stems from fear, you know? 

Perhaps I am a control freak. I recall having the hypnosis fantasy of dominance since I was at least 12-13. Is this making progress TC? Are we getting there? 

You're definitely communicating more anyway. 

Regardless of these facts. I can overcome these "dark urges" specifically the sexual ones. I can get rid of them. I know I have the strength to. 

You can't even talk about them comfortably, maybe you ought to start there instead of going balls deep into repression. 

The shit about just torturing and killing, I'd embrace that one to an extent, especially towards the scum of the earth. 

Yet you act like it's something "others" wouldn't want to hear about. 

That's clearly externalizing. You're really saying that you'd rather not focus on it. 

https://vocaroo.com/6UULAh1Seo2

Turncoat said:

Also this is another point in favor of your Dream Addiction. Instead of hitting a heavy bag or running some laps you imagine "bad things".

 I assume by this you are meaning that rather than actually make progress, I sit here and fantasize or is this a misunderstanding if it is what I believe you are meaning. I work out, and I run, and I eat healthy and drink water. I went from around 208 to 192 in less than 2 months. I go to physical training events in delayed entry program, and sure maybe I'll do worse than everyone else at times, but I still make progress, and I still motivate others. 

Turncoat said:

Dreaming of change is very different from acting on it, and your current plans are how you escape the pain of the present. You desire to sit still and use the computer, re-reading the same escapist materials so that you don't have to deal with the things you find uncomfortable. The areas in your life that budge you you tend to turn towards impossibly larger concepts so that you won't have to deal with more intimate interpersonal issues.

"I'm not lazy, I'm going to do great things that will change the world later!" You might as well be telling me about how you're going to bike across America.

 The pain of the present that I currently deal with is merely the lack of love I feel towards my family, and do to this, I tend to run into problems such as thinking about killing them. I want to leave because I want to grow as a person, and I feel like it'd be better for both parties. The computer is essentially an escape from the frustration that I get with my family. If you're going to ask me to spend time with my family, and somehow that would fix the problem, you're not going to get that, I'd rather die than deal with them. I've tried to bond with them, it doesn't work out. I consider myself almost an entirely separate entity from them. I take care of my sister who is mentally disabled, which causes a bias in me against the mentally disabled, I take care of my grandmother who is annoying as fuck, and I wish would just kill over already. I have a brother that is a parasite and just wastes away. My other brother that actually does have some sort of life set up for him, except he's already having a child and he's young. 

I don't identify with my family, I don't identify with the environment I am in. I just don't. The closest are my friends and that's about it. 


Just today, I was supposed to go to a event this morning where we'd have a class about guns, but my mother bitched at me and told me not to go because the roads were going to be bad, since they were last night, due to some fucking sleeting. Turns out, the roads were fucking fine, and so even if I attempted to go, it would've been too late. I probably would've gotten to hang out with some of the other people there afterwards, go eat somewhere, talk and enjoy life, but no. 


Call it escapist, call it dreaming, I just want a new slate, a new life, and within that new life, I have goals that I want to achieve. Doesn't mean I'll get everything I want, but it's something to work towards, and it's a purpose in my life, I have carved out for myself, and I don't believe it's wrong to want to go down said path.

I want a new slate, because I am mostly a different person than I was before. It'd be like waking up in a completely different place that you just don't get along with. I can remember some things and I guess I share some interests of my predecessor, but I still consider myself to be superior to that of whom I was once was. 


I don't necessarily know what I could be afraid of? 


I don't view myself in an emotionally unstable light, with the exception of my zealous nature. Other than that, I don't think I'm that irrational. 

Perhaps that's false considering I find myself ended up here. I only come on here when I'm feeling my zealous nature, hence why I disappear in and out. So, there's a more normal side to me that you wouldn't even be seeing. 

I'm trying to understand the value of even doing this. I don't see anything wrong with me other than that of the urges but even then, I can control that. 

I don't think I'm a control freak, I can be pretty loose and relaxed. Some things don't go my way, and I find myself okay with it.




I still can't see myself a coward. The way I even became this way was through mental breakdowns getting worse and worse over time, and through said mental breakdowns, I'd experience periods of apathy, until early April of 2018 I had cried myself to sleep one night during a breakdown and I woke up the way I am now, my online friends noticed my change, and I even discussed it with some of them. 

You view me as lazy and that I'm not going to make any progress and that I'm entirely living in a fantasy, when I don't believe this to be the case. I work out, and I'm becoming stronger, I'm going into the military for fucks sake, I have to get in shape, or else I wouldn't make it. I also want to expand my knowledge and become smarter. Maybe through that I could change my mind. Why does it matter if my dreams are big or not? 



I feel like you got a point that I tend to make things about me to an extent, that's kind of why I want to stop this discussion entirely, because then I could work towards just not starting conversations based around me, but I guess you don't want that now, because we have a conversation about me, where you can use your psychology skills to try to break me. 

Even if I have issues with 2 others that I trust more than you, doesn't mean I shouldn't talk to them, and only go to you. How can I trust that you aren't just trying to destroy me? After all, it's you who wants me to be public with everything which could make me a target of harassment. 


What would be the end goal of this? To make me feel entirely again? Why? Why does that even matter? I've been fine so far.