Sociopath Community

Sintetika said: 

Turncoat said: 

You're pure construct. Do you even know who the person underneath the ideals even is? 

As in who I am if we were to subtract the ideals? I wouldn't know how to necessarily define that.

Why not? Can't most people do that? 

I guess the closest you could get to normal is a part of me that would love to have a wife and daughter to love for and care for. But even then, that's just a one compartment of various different components. 

What makes you think that's what you'd want? 

Turncoat said:

Why not? Can't most people do that?

 Without my ideology, I am just a guy that enjoys his coffee with tea as the filter instead of water, enjoys playing video games especially science fiction, is fascinated by science, and can be pretty social and kind to others as well as a dick. 

Turncoat said:

What makes you think that's what you'd want?

 I'm trying to think of why I'd want that, it just sounds nice to me, having a wife to love, and a daughter to care for, maybe even a son to care for as well. To teach them my values, and watch them grow up to be wonderful people. This of course assumes whether or not I'd actually be a good father, which is debatable. 

Sintetika said: 

Turncoat said:

Why not? Can't most people do that?

 Without my ideology, I am just a guy that enjoys his coffee with tea as the filter instead of water, enjoys playing video games especially science fiction, is fascinated by science, and can be pretty social and kind to others as well as a dick. 

You say "just", but this is the part of you that's actually more interesting. 

It's the little things that demonstrate greater aspects of someone through their nuance, through their habits. The little things are the reality more than anything else about people, the small degrees of variance that show us that people aren't just archetypes, but rather the spaces between them. 

It's through what people have in common that serve to flesh people out through how their commonality is otherwise differently expressed. 

Turncoat said:

What makes you think that's what you'd want?

I'm trying to think of why I'd want that, it just sounds nice to me, having a wife to love, and a daughter to care for, maybe even a son to care for as well.

What makes it nice for you though? 

It's not really a streamline answer, people tend to want those things over a wide, wide variety of aims within it. It's more of a structure to help get other, deeper needs accomplished. 

What would you see yourself getting out of such a family? 

To teach them my values, and watch them grow up to be wonderful people.

What if they end up loving capitalism? 

This of course assumes whether or not I'd actually be a good father, which is debatable. 

How do you imagine your style of parenting going? 

Turncoat said:

What would you see yourself getting out of such a family?

 Perhaps they could be a cover for me to look normal, but generally speaking, it's possible that through a family, I could perhaps in some sense feel again? If that's possible, that's just one aspect. It's possible I crave a family as a means of something to protect and care for. I plan on doing more research with the help of my friend to learn more about myself. 

Turncoat said:

What if they end up loving capitalism?

 Then I guess I'd disagree, I'd like to educate my kids on all systems and provide the different materials of each ideological group and allow them to explore themselves, but I do find myself trending towards, teaching them my values for the most part. I confess that my worldview and ideology has been infected with a militaristic aspect of it's own via my obsession with WH40k, and my research into Rome. An emperor to describe this that comes to mind is Trajan. 

Turncoat said:

How do you imagine your style of parenting going?

 I'd like for them to explore and grow, but I would still like to teach them discipline and try to get them to stay healthy from a young age and work out and become strong. I'd like for them to become polymaths as well. 

Sintetika said: 

Turncoat said:

What would you see yourself getting out of such a family?

Perhaps they could be a cover for me to look normal

What do you mean "Perhaps", don't you know? 

but generally speaking, it's possible that through a family, I could perhaps in some sense feel again?

If you want to be able to "feel again", you need to let things hurt you. 

Emotionality is like a spigot with a broken temperature gauge. If you don't let yourself be as sad, or as angry, or as afraid, then you cannot let yourself be as happy or content either. 

It's through investments that we find ourselves obsessively shackled to it. You have to give a little to get a little, while playing it safe is playing it stagnant. 

If that's possible, that's just one aspect. It's possible I crave a family as a means of something to protect and care for. I plan on doing more research with the help of my friend to learn more about myself. 

How are you so confused about what you really want? Did your childhood have no sense of direction, hence all this compensation? 

Turncoat said:

What if they end up loving capitalism?

Then I guess I'd disagree, I'd like to educate my kids on all systems and provide the different materials of each ideological group and allow them to explore themselves, but I do find myself trending towards, teaching them my values for the most part.

Inspiration works both ways, you could end up teaching them how to take down your values. 

You could end up being a story of how they shouldn't live their lives just as much as you could end up their hero. 

I confess that my worldview and ideology has been infected with a militaristic aspect of it's own via my obsession with WH40k, and my research into Rome. An emperor to describe this that comes to mind is Trajan. 

A game is all it takes to push your ideologies? 

Play Knights of the Old Republic 2. 

Turncoat said:

How do you imagine your style of parenting going?

I'd like for them to explore and grow, but I would still like to teach them discipline and try to get them to stay healthy from a young age and work out and become strong. I'd like for them to become polymaths as well. 

What responsibilities do you see yourself versus your wife accomplishing for your progeny? 

Turncoat said:

How are you so confused about what you really want? Did your childhood have no sense of direction, hence all this compensation?

 Well the only thing I really want is my vision, but apparently that isn't good enough. I have trouble remembering my childhood, I guess I truly didn't have much of one, since I got on the computer at age 9, a bit after my father figure died, aka my grandfather. For a long time, I didn't fit in much at school I still had friends but yea. I also have trouble remembering my past self and what I was entirely like.

Turncoat said:

If you want to be able to "feel again", you need to let things hurt you.

Emotionality is like a spigot with a broken temperature gauge. If you don't let yourself be as sad, or as angry, or as afraid, then you cannot let yourself be as happy or content either.

It's through investments that we find ourselves obsessively shackled to it. You have to give a little to get a little, while playing it safe is playing it stagnant.

 Not sure how that works, as I don't really get hurt, and my stress levels are pretty small, except in times of anger when I think about purging degeneracy, but even then I wouldn't call it high stress, more like zealous urges.

Turncoat said:

A game is all it takes to push your ideologies?

 I wouldn't say that, it's lore of the Imperium, aspects of it, I find resonating with. Like a united humanity, and the Emperor's original intention of a secular mankind with science and progress. 

Turncoat said:

What responsibilities do you see yourself versus your wife accomplishing for your progeny?

 It really depends, I'd like to think that my wife and I would discuss what responsibilites each partner has. I suppose at times I could be the one at home taking care of the kids, or vice versa. Perhaps my wife could teach them compassion, while I could teach them strength.

Turncoat said:

Inspiration works both ways, you could end up teaching them how to take down your values.

You could end up being a story of how they shouldn't live their lives just as much as you could end up their hero.

 Perhaps.

Sintetika said: 

Turncoat said:

How are you so confused about what you really want? Did your childhood have no sense of direction, hence all this compensation?

Well the only thing I really want is my vision, but apparently that isn't good enough.

Putting all your eggs in one basket is how to become a basket case. 

I have trouble remembering my childhood, I guess I truly didn't have much of one, since I got on the computer at age 9, a bit after my father figure died, aka my grandfather.

So you didn't feel a need to do much more than that as a kid? 

Would you say you robbed yourself of said childhood? 

For a long time, I didn't fit in much at school I still had friends but yea. I also have trouble remembering my past self and what I was entirely like. 

What made fitting in a struggle for you? 

Turncoat said:

If you want to be able to "feel again", you need to let things hurt you.

Emotionality is like a spigot with a broken temperature gauge. If you don't let yourself be as sad, or as angry, or as afraid, then you cannot let yourself be as happy or content either.

It's through investments that we find ourselves obsessively shackled to it. You have to give a little to get a little, while playing it safe is playing it stagnant.

 Not sure how that works, as I don't really get hurt, and my stress levels are pretty small, except in times of anger when I think about purging degeneracy, but even then I wouldn't call it high stress, more like zealous urges. 

What minor social behaviors or events make you uncomfortable? 

Turncoat said:

A game is all it takes to push your ideologies?

I wouldn't say that, it's lore of the Imperium, aspects of it, I find resonating with. Like a united humanity, and the Emperor's original intention of a secular mankind with science and progress. 

You need some philosophy driven RPGs dawg. 

Turncoat said:

What responsibilities do you see yourself versus your wife accomplishing for your progeny?

It really depends, I'd like to think that my wife and I would discuss what responsibilites each partner has. I suppose at times I could be the one at home taking care of the kids, or vice versa.

It's cool that you're willing to share responsibilities like that, but it also sounds like you've never thought about it. 

Perhaps my wife could teach them compassion, while I could teach them strength.

You imagine your wife being weaker than you? 

Turncoat said:

Inspiration works both ways, you could end up teaching them how to take down your values.

You could end up being a story of how they shouldn't live their lives just as much as you could end up their hero.

Perhaps.

How would designing your own worst enemy out of your precious seed feel though? 

Turncoat said:

So you didn't feel a need to do much more than that as a kid?

 Just that I have trouble remembering it. 

Turncoat said:

Would you say you robbed yourself of said childhood?

 Yea.

Turncoat said:

What made fitting in a struggle for you?

 I guess I was just a shy kid, I had my best friend probably one of the only people in person I care about with me though. We went to a catholic school until 5th grade, and the staff didn't like my family and refused to baptize me, and so I guess I didn't really fit in because of that, though that's not why I hate religion, I was religious for a while after that, I was practically a deist until the summer before becoming a freshman in high school. 

In public school, same shit I was just a shy kid, but I did make a lot of people laugh that made me get some attention but yea. I had friends, but I just didn't see myself entirely fitting in. I'd get embarrassed and bullied sometimes because of me having a crush on someone, the whole school would know and so that would fuck with me.

Turncoat said:

What minor social behaviors or events make you uncomfortable?

 I guess for a while events like school dances I was too nervous to go to, but I went sometimes, and danced even if I didn't have much self-confidence back then. 

Turncoat said:

It's cool that you're willing to share responsibilities like that, but it also sounds like you've never thought about it.

You imagine your wife being weaker than you?

 I mean I only mentioned compassion, since I think my wife would be more compassionate than I am, not to imply she's weak. That is my apologies. Maybe there's some bias I'm not aware of though.

I mean, no, not really, I guess I should try to think about it more. 

Turncoat said:

How would designing your own worst enemy out of your precious seed feel though?

 I suppose it could end up like the Emperor and Horus. I'd either put them down, or care too much to hurt them. My mind tells me the first mentioned, but I don't know. 

Sintetika said: 

Turncoat said:

So you didn't feel a need to do much more than that as a kid?

Just that I have trouble remembering it. 

I mean did you go out to hang out with people, did you go to any particular websites? 

Turncoat said:

Would you say you robbed yourself of said childhood?

Yea.

What sort of childhood would you have preferred? 

Turncoat said:

What made fitting in a struggle for you?

I guess I was just a shy kid

High energy feelings are never a "just", this is you trying to minimize it's weight. 

I had my best friend probably one of the only people in person I care about with me though. We went to a catholic school until 5th grade, and the staff didn't like my family and refused to baptize me, and so I guess I didn't really fit in because of that, though that's not why I hate religion, I was religious for a while after that, I was practically a deist until the summer before becoming a freshman in high school. 

What sort of things would you say you learned from within a Catholic School structure? 

I'd imagine that making you more rigid in general, even if not religious. I've seen quite a few ex-catholics go a little nuts. 

In public school, same shit I was just a shy kid

There is no "just". 

I did make a lot of people laugh that made me get some attention but yea.

What was your class clown style? 

I had friends, but I just didn't see myself entirely fitting in.

Do you think you might have underestimated your importance in your friend circles, or is it just obvious that you were a forgettable person? 

I'd get embarrassed and bullied sometimes because of me having a crush on someone, the whole school would know and so that would fuck with me.

Yeah I was about to say... Your whole journal entry shtick in the other topic was all about finding a mate. 

Did you act out at all over matters of attraction? Did you do anything embarrassing? 

Turncoat said:

What minor social behaviors or events make you uncomfortable?

I guess for a while events like school dances I was too nervous to go to, but I went sometimes, and danced even if I didn't have much self-confidence back then. 

What spot in the room were you dancing in? 

Turncoat said:

It's cool that you're willing to share responsibilities like that, but it also sounds like you've never thought about it.

You imagine your wife being weaker than you?

I mean I only mentioned compassion, since I think my wife would be more compassionate than I am, not to imply she's weak. That is my apologies. Maybe there's some bias I'm not aware of though.

I mean, no, not really, I guess I should try to think about it more. 

Thinking is good, as as is it sounds like you might not even know your own type (of girl pal). 

Turncoat said:

How would designing your own worst enemy out of your precious seed feel though?

I suppose it could end up like the Emperor and Horus. I'd either put them down, or care too much to hurt them. My mind tells me the first mentioned, but I don't know. 

Putting your kids down's a bit illegal isn't it? It's not like putting down the family pet. 

Is there a reason why you find it easier to describe yourself in relation to things instead of directly? 

I find it interesting how he talks about his mother and violating her corpse. He must have had real hate and disgust for her and other women.

Maybe he was the first incel.