Turq. I know that u don't ike me and think I am un-interesting but I actually do want to help you. I will make another post soon and I think we should PM together.
turquie94 stated: source post
Ok......I'm becoming more & more self-aware......and, I am a lot better at getting people (coworkers etc) to like me, the respect part only came from a few people. those of you thar said it was a "BPD high" were probably right. I wasn't completely in touch with reality when I said i turned into a psychopath.
the truth is, the more intelligent of my coworkers KNOW that I play dumb and helpless, and they think I do it because i'm lazy, spoiled, maybe entititled idk & it makes some of them not like me (but i can make them like me if i hold a conversation long enough to get on their good side) I work with mostly boys and I relate to them by acting helpless, playing stupid and asking for help and flirting with them and I just realized this is how people see me. they see me as a dumb helpless blond girl
i want to change this. I know its learned helplessness from my childhood, why i relate to others like this.....i'm not retarded or socially awkward. its just when i feel intimidated i automatically go into helpless mode. FUCK i hate that i have to be self-aware and admit to my self the truth of how people see me. and i'm mad that I feel helpless. i'm getting the knowledge to be more self-providing but it's not easy and i still feel mentally 4 sometimes. what is the fastest way I can change this? I don't want to be like this. i WISH i was a psychopath. i have some traits.....but I'm not. this fucking sucks
turquie94 stated: source post
Ok......I'm becoming more & more self-aware......and, I am a lot better at getting people (coworkers etc) to like me, the respect part only came from a few people. those of you thar said it was a "BPD high" were probably right. I wasn't completely in touch with reality when I said i turned into a psychopath.
the truth is, the more intelligent of my coworkers KNOW that I play dumb and helpless, and they think I do it because i'm lazy, spoiled, maybe entititled idk & it makes some of them not like me (but i can make them like me if i hold a conversation long enough to get on their good side) I work with mostly boys and I relate to them by acting helpless, playing stupid and asking for help and flirting with them and I just realized this is how people see me. they see me as a dumb helpless blond girl
i want to change this. I know its learned helplessness from my childhood, why i relate to others like this.....i'm not retarded or socially awkward. its just when i feel intimidated i automatically go into helpless mode. FUCK i hate that i have to be self-aware and admit to my self the truth of how people see me. and i'm mad that I feel helpless. i'm getting the knowledge to be more self-providing but it's not easy and i still feel mentally 4 sometimes. what is the fastest way I can change this? I don't want to be like this. i WISH i was a psychopath. i have some traits.....but I'm not. this fucking sucks
turquie94 stated: source post
Ok, you are coming across as a dick but there is some good advice in there. 1), I act dumb and helpless because in my childhood I was taught the only way to be in control is to be dumb and helpless (and reliant on my parents). it is how I control, but I am switching into "fight" mode instead of dissociating/regressing.
2) I wish I could commit suicide but I can't, my will and fight to live is too strong. Also, deep down I love my self and am proud of my self for what I have been through and accomplished, and that I still have empathy and don't need to hurt people to survive (like my parents, and you/most other people) the most repulsive trait to me in humanity is those that get off on hurting weak people. it kind of disgusts me and I am self-righteous about my ability to not be like this, considering my background. I genuinely love and have empathy for my self, so suicide is not an option.
3) I need to know specifically how to switch all my "helpless" traits into self-helping traits (instead of automatically feeling like I need to ask for help/act like a child) I have made some progress in this but my anger is building and I want to fix all the rest of my weak traits like now I think I have the capabilities to do this with some research on the internet and experimenting
but I thought I would check with u all for advice 1st, you have all been very helpful to me and my life, intentional or not (:
turquie94 stated: source post
this is only true in some circumstances, it is starting to be less and less circumstances as I grow more confident, but still enough circumstances that I am aware I am coming across as dumb and helpless to some of my coworkers.
I think it is important to mention I work in a warehouse.....doing a "man's" job. I did not know that it was a man's job when I 1st got hired, but the sexism is obvious. most of the job skills I am learning I have never done b4 and I am spoiled, my mom tried to keep me dependent on her for years until I got strong enough to get away from her toxic-ness. she is gross.
I chose this job to get in shape and lose weight fast since I gained like 20lbs over the past year & wasn't working at all and I feel gross but idk, I probably should not be working with only boys but I can tell there are girls that have worked b4 me in my position (probably less attractive/less spoiled....know how to do more things out of necessity etc) and I am being compared to those girls. idk. maybe i should transfer to a department of the store. i will do that as soon as they start hiring new employees I think
Grow some ovaries and woman up. Find out that you can take some pride out of being a competent and capable woman and you will learn to enjoy being a competent and capable woman. People like confidence, in order to have real confidence you need to be independent. I feel like the reason you have trouble with this is because you are probably really lazy. Lazy people don't change very often because it's just their nature to be too lazy to stick with a change.
The fact that you care how people see you is already a good starting point in my opinion. You hear all the time people saying, I don't care what you think of me blah blah blah but that is a HORRIBLE outlook on life in the real world. Use that and let it help you. As far as doing a man's job goes, I wouldn't do it unless I was confident I could keep up. That's just setting yourself up for personal disappointment, public embarrassment, and a hard time. Push yourself outside of your comfort zone to better yourself but don't push too hard because we all have our limits.
Stop blaming your parents. How old are you? How long has it been since you have been away from your toxic mother? When are you going to stop blaming her for your current actions? Asking how you can change is certainly proof you are claiming some accountability, but not enough since you still try to blame your parents for who you are as an adult. If you don't like a food she used to cook, you don't cook keep cooking it because she used to, if she instilled a trait in you that you don't like, you don't keep it because she used to expect you to act like that. Be who you want to be not who you were raised to be. Take responsibility for yourself.
Wishing to be a psychopath is just retarded and edgy. It's probably a very boring life anyway, embrace your emotions and your ability to connect to other people. I notice you like to toss around personality disorders to explain away your behavior. Stop doing this. You are more than likely just a lazy spoiled brat. You need to step away from the DSM 5 and stop playing shrink with yourself. Would be your own dentist or your own doctor? Then don't be your own head shrinker.
Being helpless is kinda disgusting, think of it like that. You play on the sympathies and sex drive of men and they aren't going to respect you anymore than you respect yourself. They are just going to see you as being as stupid as you are acting. Being flirty and playful is fine, just don't use it to disable yourself. You can keep the pep without having the weakness. You seem to be confident about your body from how you defend it in chat, that's fine but you need to have confidence outside of your looks because they only take you so far and only with certain people.
I can only speak to the part about your self-sufficiency now and your mother. My friend had a very critical mother. I don’t know if this is the case with you. If this helps you great, if not disregard. =)
Let’s say as a young child, she was trying to put a box together. Her mother would get impatient tear the box from her hands and then tear into her. By that I mean thoroughly insult her. The same mother was very withholding of praise and, in fact, as I mentioned downright nasty. For example, what do you think, when you hear the kind of parents all the time who praise every single one of their child’s naïve drawings, “oh thaaaat’s beautiful†? Maybe this mother thought she was being a realist by being critical, but to any outside observer the message is “NOTHING IS EVER GOOD ENOUGH.â€
Well before I become too much of a BUZZKILL, the upshot is that it took my friend a long time, but she used that to her advantage. (Her mother had gone to Art School herself. I’m not going to delve into that story.)
The way my friend took it, and PERHAPS SO SHOULD YOU, TO YOURSELF, is that anything ANYONE, especially Mother says I won’t be good at, just motivates me to TRY HARDER. I am not a big fan of the psychobabble, but I do believe we “talk to ourselves†and have internal tapes, and all that.
The interesting thing was my friend became a really first-rate artist who almost went to Art School. She is also pretty self-sufficient and good at figuring things out. (Most of the time. :)
You hear about the Tiger Mother (“Battle Hymn of The Tiger Mother†book which went viral with Time Magazine and all in 2011.) Tiger Mother is a micromanager who forces the kid into extra-curriculars and supervises his school work. Her kid got into Harvard, I think. Well that wasn’t the case here, and I don’t suspect it was with you, but I don’t know.
The negative here is that motivated often by this reverse-psychology my friend took a while to catch some profitable direction. As with anything, it takes time.
At some point you live your life. You take the good from your parents; disregard the bad. But you can't blame your parents forever.
I really like what Angee has said here; it’s spot on. There are far more women with fractured or imperfect relationships with their mothers than you may realize. They just don’t talk about it all the time. xx