Ok......I'm becoming more & more self-aware......and, I am a lot better at getting people (coworkers etc) to like me, the respect part only came from a few people. those of you thar said it was a "BPD high" were probably right. I wasn't completely in touch with reality when I said i turned into a psychopath.
the truth is, the more intelligent of my coworkers KNOW that I play dumb and helpless, and they think I do it because i'm lazy, spoiled, maybe entititled idk & it makes some of them not like me (but i can make them like me if i hold a conversation long enough to get on their good side) I work with mostly boys and I relate to them by acting helpless, playing stupid and asking for help and flirting with them and I just realized this is how people see me. they see me as a dumb helpless blond girl
i want to change this. I know its learned helplessness from my childhood, why i relate to others like this.....i'm not retarded or socially awkward. its just when i feel intimidated i automatically go into helpless mode. FUCK i hate that i have to be self-aware and admit to my self the truth of how people see me. and i'm mad that I feel helpless. i'm getting the knowledge to be more self-providing but it's not easy and i still feel mentally 4 sometimes. what is the fastest way I can change this? I don't want to be like this. i WISH i was a psychopath. i have some traits.....but I'm not. this fucking sucks