Sociopath Community

PART 1

My childhood took place all over the world, thanks to my dad's job we never really stayed in one country for long. Never grew roots in one country or felt like I had a home-country. This was really a double edged sword, while I felt empowered from having traveled the world and felt like I could go anywhere, I lacked the stability and comfort of having a definitive home country or even a place I could call home for sure.

I have a large blank spot in my childhood, I can bearly remember the years 0-7 and have a very bad memory of the years up to around age 10. I Was born in Sweden but moved to the states at age 4, spent 6 years there. I was told I was an extremely angry child at least until some time in second grade, the school had some proficiency tests in logical thinking and math and I scored well and was put in some sort of special "gifted" program for some subjects. Not entirely sure how it worked but in non-science subjects I wasn't that great, seeing as I didn't know a word of English when I came to the states I was on the low end on that scale.

Played with the neighbourhood kids in the woods adjacent to our houses and in the backyards. I was also forced by my dad to do at least two extra curricular physical activities at any one time. Tried pretty much everything, did some fencing, american football, soccer, gymnastics and karate are the ones I remember (like i said parts of this time in my life is a blackout). We used to have these games where all the kids would fight each other (we had to make sure who was strongest and in what order we came) the angry little kid I was back then used to really love fighting people like that and my special move was a headbut to the chest.

Another vivid memory I had of from our neighborhood gang was when a kid who was in our group but three years older didn't invite me to his birthday. For some reason this made me really angry and I went over there despite the fact that I wasn't invited and found him surrounded by kids from his school and not our gang! Unsure of how to react I ran towards him in full speed, he saw me and started running, the chase continued 1.5 laps around his house before I got to him. He wasn't fighting back (at least from what I can remember) so I spun him around and jump-headbutted him between the shoulderblades. He started crying and I was scared of what would happen if people found out about this (my parents especially) so I ran away. 

I also remember locking in my little sister in the crawl space beneath our house on her birthday and although I didn't want to keep here there (it was only meant as a quick joke) I started to fear what would happen to me when my parents found out. So I was in a lose-lose situation, if i let her out I'll be punished but I can't keep her in there forever. It took until supper until I finally gathered the courage to face the consequences.

Good natured in essence but very disturbed and angry.

I was an extremely spoiled , entitled , manipulative  sadistic lying piece of shit but I secretly wished I was a pretty girl that was adored by boys

So I will just talk about how I was evil... I will not be talking about parental figures.

I use to have a lot of babysitters because my parents travel a lot. It was often extended family members. I had one babysitter lock me in the basement and refuse to give me anything to drink. I had many babysitters over the years so I started treating them all bad. I would lay out office pins on the ground for them to step on. I would run away. I would mix chocolate syrup with sugar and dip my oreos in them. I would take down mirrors and put soap and water on them to slide around. I made a few babysitters cry... 

In daycare when I was angry at people I would bring kool aid and spit in it. It was a cruel pleasure I had because I would not tell anyone. I use to motivate uprisings from the children against the caregivers. I motivated them to chase them around with markers. I even scared her to the point she fell down. I opened the bathroom door on her when she was in the bathroom that does not lock then blame it on some other person by putting on fake tears. I was told I had to be nice so I offered to help her by throwing cleanex on her incase she had need. I had my friend take it a step further by offering her water and missing her mouth. I got into a cat fight with a girl where I would pull her hair and shit. I mean we had a weird relationship of frienemy. It means we started as enemies then I made her my friend expect there was a lot of tension at times. 

In school I did not hate substitute teachers I just took advantage of the situation. I would throw pencils at them then run out of the class into the hallways. I got upset with people sometimes and would plot against them. I filled one girls shoes with water and it even made her more upset than expected. I threw a dictionary at someones head. I hit a boy with a ruler until he bled for sitting beside me. I did not notice he was bleeding until I saw it. I sacked a boy for accusing me of stealing the christmas spirit. I said he stole the christmas spirit then kicked him. 

I would say I did not have much of conscious. I laughed and enjoyed it all. I only cared about close friends.

Approaching pre teen years. I had two depressed friends. I had one friend who would cut and one friend who would starve. It did not help that they hated each other and would tell the other to kill themselves. I had no control and they both wanted me to choose one of them. I did not want any of them do die. 

I think this help open my eyes. I started to see the pain I was bringing into the world. I saw it was wrong. I did not make my friends depressed one of them had a mother with cancer. I just noticed that I was bringing misery and suffering into the world. I was a problem.

I needed to be nice because people are fragile. I needed to be nice so what happen to my friends will never happen to anyone. I mean at least I will try not to contribute to the sadness in the world. I changed.

I was chubby when I was little, which made me a bit of an outcast. This worked to my advantage though because I observed other kids and how they behaved. I realized with the right words I could get them to do things for me. By grade four I pretty much ran the playground and had kids working for me. I had kids bringing me candy and hockey cards everyday. I became the kingpin of the swings and the monkey bars - a role I'm still proud to hold to this day.

I liked to watch WWE and read comic books. I was really quiet, but it made me really observant. I would spend hours at the library, reading in the back. I became really knowledgeable on mental health, celebrities, religion, and music. I would tell my little brother all the things I learned, much to his annoyance. I didn't have any friends. I wouldn't go outside often unless I was walking to or from the library or comic book store. I really loved pizza rolls and drawing. 

 I only wore converse (still do). My parents had a bunch of old vinyls and a record player. They had everything from Black Flag to David Bowie. So that shaped my music taste. My brother and I would play with WWE action figures and act out crime scenes. Right before puberty hit, I started torturing frogs and watching really violent porno. I fucking hated sports. 

~ Gerard

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All arms and legs, skinny, with LOTS of imagination and energy...

Mmhmm....imagination is a gift...but with some it can become a poison over time.