There are less dramatic explanations too. Maybe she's shy, fishing for compliments, or has a different understanding of what 'attractive' is.
It doesn't seem unreasonable to start a conversation about what she perceives as attractive in general, avoiding statements directed at her. Then, if her perception fits her looks, you might try pointing it out.
Why does it bother you that she can't accept that you perceive her as attractive?
My friend for the life of her, cannot accept that she is attractive. She has talked to me about being abused emotionally and physically as a kid and I think this may be a reason her self-esteem is so low.
Thoughts?
Does anyone else know someone who can not accept that they are attractive? What were they like?
Well let them do what makes them beautiful. I know straightening my hair gives me a great confidence boost even if no one cares if my hair is straight or wavy. I dyed my hair red at some point because it made me feel more attractive. I mean if it is not too dangerous just help her find things that make her feel pretty.
I think it has to do with evolution.
She is worried she won't find a suitable mate without a suitable shimmery ruby feather. In this cause her insecurities might manifest in other aspects. It might be she feels bad she doesn't know hot to cook much, it might be she is afraid she is not smart enough... It is just more focused on beauty because that is the first thing that catches an eye.
I did simplify the process because I was not going into much details about the cell cycle and the checkpoints and the proteins and the correction procedures...
"It doesn't matter sometimes how accomplished, useful, appreciated, or attractive an individual is. Abuse can have very profound and lasting effects on an individual. It creates sociopaths, doesn't it? It also molds some in to the opposite end of the spectrum, turning them in to shy, weak creatures with shattered egos and low self-esteem.
This isn't going to be fixed by a new hair cut. That only works on people who have some self-esteem to build on."
I might not be considering the abuse enough. It might even be depression by this point. I know a lot of people won't talk about depression and even seemingly happy people like comedians can be depressed. It is true it might not help at all to get a new haircut. I think it may or may not help a little. It wouldn't fix the problem. It might be wise to get professional opinion.
I hear in the news there was a girl who was depressed and raped and went to a few psychologist who said they don't think they can help her be happy. It was then when they decided she should be euphanized. I think the problem is there was too much confidence is a few years of therapy. I know it is not my place to tell someone if try different therapists for twenty years then maybe they can be happy and want to live.
I only do object somewhat because... I have a teacher in university who has a brother with cancer. I know the doctor said that it is in a bad spot in the brain and they think he will only have three years to live. In the end this guy did not take this as an answer and saw a bunch more doctors for more opinions. I am glad they found a doctor who was willing to do the procedure. The doctor said he will never speak again though he will live. After the procedure he would not speak... Only... After a few years he could speak again! It is ten years later and he is still alive and well now.
It might need to be treated like anorexia. It is a disfigured perception of oneself. I know even if they can be convinced to eat one meal it does not get to the core. It for sure does not help to tell them about low calories diets that are healthy or exercise. I should mention a lot of them will do or already do exercise anyways. I do think a lot of self esteem problems comes from people lying to themselves in their mind. It changes the way they see and perceive themselves. In anorexia the person is not fat they just keep seeing fat and thinking fat. I mean maybe this is obvious...
They tell themselves them over and over again "I am ugly". It is not just themselves it is the people around them. It is not true it just feels true. It is true for them. It is part of their reality.
Bottom line: You're right it really wouldn't fix anything. It would at most do very little. I think I need to consider this to be deeper than first assumed. It might need to be treated as anorexia which is an altered self perception.
It's important not to underestimate the damage to self-esteem that abuse can do. Long-term exposure to stress, such as physical and emotional abuse, alters the neurology of an individual (hence, sociopathy and narcissism) and can dramatically effect cognition, with the impact varying by individual. Your support will be helpful to your friend, though likely not enough to alter her view of herself and the world over-all. She will probably need long-term assistance, professional if the issue becomes severe enough, with the development of self-esteem. She will also need to be cautious of falling in to abusive relationships that perpetuate her shitty view of herself. Many who have been abused in their early years tend to seek out and maintain later romantic relationships in which they are either the giver or receiver of abuse similar to what was experienced as children.
That's a good way to put it... I do think if doing little things like putting lipstick on or straightening her hair gives her a big confidence boost it might help her start seeing herself a bit more positive in a different light. It will help her have a new perspective on herself. It's like putting a ribbon on a new car. I mean if the owner of the car feels so much better with a ribbon it starts to promote some positive feels. I might be wrong...
I just just know that when people smile even if they are unhappy they can become a bit happier. I think this is just a way to help her change her perspective on herself a bit. I think support is important as well especially after emotional abuse.