I used to feel like eight voices, all my own, were all yelling into a single microphone in unison with contradictory points, and what thoughts I could decipher from that was what I could use for things like conversation. Every so often I'd have a topic that has a few of them work in tandem, but once the split resumes I end up distractable and prone to misunderstandings from sentences that could possibly carry more than one meaning, tangent to older references. Everything up there tends to bleed into each other through very thin walls, so I need a lot of specifics to not get lost. My choice of language reflects this, especially in my clarity edits, and my references to loose tangents based on what's said is natural to me from that being the sort of errors I can be prone to, but thankfully I've been able to make that into something of humor instead of just a constant distraction.
These days though, what was once so intense seems quieter. I can't really hear myself too well in my own head anymore, I just sort of do things and look at the aftermath later. I've done enough interactions that have lead to me answering the same old questions, and from that I've let some older scripts do the thinking for me. There's been a few situations where I've had to answer things I wasn't ready for, and in some of those cases I've found myself stunned and confused at the lack of autopilot. My improvisation has taken a hit somewhere, leaving me more meticulous than I once was, more pre-planned, and I'm not sure why it's so hard to hear my own thoughts nowadays (when it's not self-targeted angst at least, that's still pretty loud when it comes around). I'm probably blocking it out for my own safety of mind, but I know that isn't healthy either. It's changed from a panel of people who can't wait their turn into someone browsing a series of file cabinets.
I find myself sometimes reading the things I just typed, surprised at my own answers from them typing themselves.
I used to see myself as fragmented. Possibly have a mild split personality issue. Apparently it's common for female aspies to be chameleon-like. To indulge in the trying on of other personas, or to mimic heavily people they favour. They can also have these crazy imaginative worlds they live in, and have problems separating real life from their fantasy worlds. It's common for them to have dissociation issues and compartmentalize heavily when outside stimulus gets too overwhelming. And then there is total shut down as well.
It's easier for me to see myself as a whole person now, having this new understanding. I find it easier to just be my whole self as well. Not whatever version gets more favor, or helps me get by better.
i don't have entities, but i do have a sensation of something higher living in or among me. it's like a force that guides in a subtle way. i project thoughts like i'm talking to something/someone major in my head. i'm a very introspective and self-conscious person, and that's probably connected to it. this wasn't always the case btw. i used to be the exact opposite in terms of self-actualization.
my brain won't shut off, but not in an ADD sense. i'm sensitive and probably experience things more intensely than most people would. i don't get bored or lonely since i'm too easily amused or sometimes too occupied with scrutinizing and over-processing everything around me, whether it's from a semi-rational viewpoint of being hypercritical or a quiet emotional episode. these two elements clash, so reasoning through things is usually how i attempt cope with being so "fragile". fortunately, i'm sane enough for it to work out in my favor.
"What is it like inside your head?"
Deafeningly quiet. Without stimuli, the cogs don't budge. I don't exist until I react, there's almost no internal dialogue. I rarely see pictures in my head, and I'm not aware of a thinking process. I don't think. Don't feel. Not until given sensory input.
The closest I've come to relating this to another person is describing that moment of arriving at your destination and abruptly realising that you'd "tuned out" while driving.
My "tuned out" isn't "lost in thought", though. It's pure static on a screen.
Well I find when I am off my ADHD medications I have more inner voices. I would say I have three inner voices. I have one that always thinks of the negative, one that always thinks of the positive and one that is the combination of both which I consider more me. On the days I take my ADHD meds I have less brain activity and a more narrow focus so those inner entities of myself are less active.
Example...
I want to ask a teacher a question....
Pessimistic voice "I don't think you should take the teachers time. I mean he probably talked to enough people today. It will just make him feel like a bad teacher when he see you are too stupid to understand this probably simple concept. Abort mission."
Optimistic voice "I think the teacher sits in his office hours hoping a student will come. I mean he wants everyone to do good so he looks good in the end. I think he will feel honored to know you care enough to come see him. Go through with the mission."
Combination (What I consider the core me) "Well... I'm not sure if it's a good Idea... I mean... ugh.... well I'm already here so I have to go through with it. I just hope I can ask in a way that does not insult him. I hope he is glad I care enough to come here for help... I hope he won't be upset... It could go either way I can't read the situation. Be cautious in the mission."
I hope this answers your questions... I see these voices are all me I just separate them by level of optimism and pessimism.
What haart described eerily resembles how I've felt for a long time.
On what might be a split from what she's described...I constantly I encounter people in life who seem eager to buy into stories others sell to them, and that they sell to themselves. These people seem so clear and defined in their identities—not to say I do not have an identity of my own. But mine lacks the amount of conviction I see others have in their world-views. I feel amorphous at times.