I just want everyone to know that I switched to 80 proof from 40 proof as of today. So. There you go. And I need to check out of this thread.
Sugar stated: source post
she's a passive aggressive cunt who can never openly address an issue she has. coward of the worst kind
Well, yeah, there's that too.
Like I said, it's a behavioural pattern wherein she continues to cross boundaries even after being made aware of them. Instead of ceasing, apologizing for her problematic behaviours, or altering them in anyway, she attempts to justify them, often while citing multiple and inconsistent reasons. If this were an isolated incident or she were to simply correct the problem and move on instead of arguing, this thread wouldn't have gone on.
It's also not that a birthday is top secret shit, but it can be used confirm an individual's identity. One shouldn't need to specify that every little thing in private is meant to be kept private.
Tryptamine stated: source post
Some of you project too much...
Do we drink for this one?
Like I said, I can see everyone's point, but I don't think you can see mine.
Here is why I have to step in and help her. Because this has happened to me. And if I didn't try to offer you a fresh perspective, I'd be a hypocrite.
I am a diagnosed aspie. I wasn't when I first came here, and I had no clue that was even a possibility. As you may know, aspies have trouble understanding boundaries, and it doesn't matter if you try to make them see what to you is an obvious boundary. Their brain won't automatically click to the social reasoning behind why a rule has its place. I'm not saying she's aspie, but let me share my own personal experiences with stepping over boundaries in this same forum. I have crossed them many times without understanding why I got the reaction I did. Let me clarify; I have trolled many annoying people here, so what I speak of now, is for those times I wasn't trolling. Because people here have a tendency (myself included) to think they see people clearer than they do, it was assumed I was doing it on purpose and out of spite. I once put up a sex story thread, and started writing about Edvard and Sugar. Admittedly, it was to please Edvard since I knew he was attracted to her. I figured it would please her as well; she seemed game for anything. At some point she asked me to pick someone else in her place. She expressed boredom or distaste. I immediately was triggered. I wanted it to be only her and also... I felt like she was saying my writing was no good. Once I was triggered, control issues began to surface, and I thought she must be trying to control me. So I bucked her on it. Its my story- I'll tell it MY way. She felt disrespected and set a boundary. Told me she was uncomfortable with the way I was telling the story. There were suggestions of incest, and she questioned why I would write incestuous stuff- given my family history. (Paraphrasing here.) I felt like she was calling me an incestuous pervert. Triggered again. From my perspective, Sugar was just trying t humiliate me in front of everyone, so she could prove something. I couldn't put myself in her shoes, so I could only grasp at what was happening from my own perspective. To me... (and looking back now I can't see how it could have escaped me), I wasn't doing anything wrong. It was just a story to entertain everyone with. What was the big deal? Sugar wasn't the only one who came at me for this. A few other posters got involved as well, and I got immediately overwhelmed. I think that for me- my brain couldn't see past what they were accusing me of. They seemed to think I purposely meant to cross boundaries and that I got some kind of sick sadistic pleasure from it. That fucking hurt. I'm not going to front about that. Every single time I've been confronted about crossing boundaries here, and made out to be some twisted pervert, or compared to wfe, it hurt. Because that's not me. I would never intentionally cross a boundary with someone I like, respect, and care for. The truth is, my brain can't always see what comes natural to the neurotypical brain. But neurotypicals have a hard time believing that's real. So they look for other possibilities. They look for malice. They think there's always some shady reason lurking around the corner. The truth is, you're just as incapable of seeing through my eyes as I am through yours. And I have to mention this as a possibility here. Because it took me months to see what everyone saw instantly. Imagine how that applies to real life... All those times I was ostracized at school for overstepping a boundary, and I just couldn't see what I did wrong.
It makes me sad. I wished I'd know a lot sooner. It's so much worse being traumatized by something you don't understand than by something you do. Your brain will never let it go until the puzzle is solved.
So I just can't bring myself to join in this with the same approach as you. Someone needs to find a better way to help her understand and stop assuming the worst. I would want the same respect so now I'm learning to give it
With that in mind... I'm sorry Sugar, for crossing your boundaries. <3