I just want to die hard for something or someone that makes me happy.
Like this. I want to see it coming. I want to know its imminent and inevitable but still fight it anyways just to see how far I can get. I want it to be painful, I want it to discourage me from living and I want to see how far I'll push myself when I have nothing left. Then I want some solitary time to review over my life and make the final judgement on whether I lived a good, happy life.