Sociopath Community

Since this is about one's own "relationship with empathy" (an interesting way to put it, btw), perhaps we can explore that and get an objective view on one's perception of their empathic experiences.  I get the distinctions in theory, but I've had some difficulty in telling a difference using only my own perspective of it.

Empathy is a poor concept. It is sloppy and ill defined. That is my relationship with it.

It was disturbing to see how many of my empathetic / emotional reactions were premeditated and forced. I remember dad and mum crying (narc mum crying as loud as possible so she gets noticed and given sympathy instead) at my grandma's funeral and me saying 'so are we getting hotdogs now xd' and everyone going quiet and giving me a 100 yard stare. I both feel lucky but also disadvantaged because I have to figure things out mentally instead of perceiving naturally like empaths do

Is it situational/applicable only to certain individuals or groups.

To a large degree yes, I acknowledge my strong bias towards the people that matter to me. Hypocrisy is something I can't stand though, people pretending to care about others outside they favored groups while participating and doing nothing to help these "others". This behavior disgusts me to no end.

Can you share happy moments, but have trouble commiserating?

I don't know to what degree people fake happiness on the behalf of others in order to participate in it so I don't know if I have "trouble" with it or if I'm normal. So long as the happy moments are in some way meaningfully tied to me I can be genuinely happy and celebrate it. I love celebrating things I've done for others or achieved though.

Also, do you consider yourself a caring person?

Yes, I'm heavily invested in many of the people I care about lives. I care very much about their lives, doing my best to offer guidance when they seek it and help them with whatever I can.

"so are we getting hotdogs now xd"

Holy fucking shit, the cringe that must have caused.

I would like to tag some additional comments to this, taking your description as a good basis for explaining my own "relationship with empathy."  I'm honestly interested in any comparisons.  (Besides, at one time I was considered a puppet of yours.  Go figure.)

A primary difficulty I face most often is gauging the proper amount of affect to express in order to satisfy whatever is the "prevailing social climate conditions".  Just how much emotion and in what manner does someone expect to be returned in certain situations.  I've already come to terms with how different I perceive my values and consequent behaviors may be from the amount of humanity I have interacted with during the course of my (remembered) lifetime.  I'm not a special snowflake, but it's been an unavoidable point of divergence I have encountered often enough that I realize I need to pay attention to it more often than not.  It is also part of the reason I get accused of pretentiousness, since I try to use very specific language.  I try to use the exact word for the exact meaning for what I'm trying to say.  Throughout life, even those that I've known for years and can consider "close" by some measure have difficulty reading me based on affect response.  It's been a continued thorn in my side, but frustration at this I've learned is pointless.  For those whom don't know me well, I can fake the pleasant chit-chatty "normal" routine and use the trite and over-used term "superficial charm" to glide through the world with less friction than I am comfortable with.  To those I know better, I put more effort into being precise and using cognitive empathy as described here in order to do so.  I have no trouble reading emotion or behavior, but I do tend to get "foot in the mouth syndrome" often enough that I have to use more control in order to keep from coming across as insensitive.  It's very hard to convince others of the impersonal nature of my thoughts and comments in more emotional circumstances.  I'm obviously not a natural comforter.  However, I'm also not malicious.  And for those that have some value to me, I will make more of an attempt to work through those times of friction.

This is probably a little more exposing than intended and a bit of a ramble.  Explaining this stuff does actually get draining sometimes.

If this is true, we've much in common.

this is great question. had to look it up to remember exactly what it meant.

for clarity, Empathy is the experience of understanding another person's condition from their perspective. You place yourself in their shoes and feel what they are feeling.

If the situation requires it I can empathize. Most if not all of the time I am very focused on what I am doing and am not aware or don't think about other peoples feelings.

For example, a group meeting with the boss where you watch the boss getting angry at what others are saying. I just want to say, keep your mouth shut you dummies, cant you see you are pissing the boss off. They go on and on and the boss's face gets red-er and red-er.. funny. I guess that is self serving empathy.

Empathizing is not really something that I do unless it benefits me somehow. poker games, business deals, buying or selling something,

If I concentrate I am pretty good at it, otherwise I have none.

It's uncomfortable how legitimately alike this makes us seem to me.  (I'm being a hundred percent honest.)