Meh, the sudden dominant and strong girl act doesn't fit you at all, feels so unnatural and try-hard. Plus I'd rather have a mistress who can manage to send a smooch to cute guys over the Internet. I'll pass
You need your own show that is like an internet analogue to Dr. Phil.
The guest will come on, and you will be slouched over on your chair, with this totally disinterested look. You appear rather intoxicated, and you're having a difficult time keeping your eyes open. One of the middle buttons of your suit is undone.
Finally, after not being bothered to address the audience at the beginning of the show, the Sanic theme begins to play as your first guest walks out. As she begins complaining about the behavior of her boyfriend (while you roll your eyes), you begin to explain to her that the real problem is that "daddy" never gave her the attention that she craved. And furthermore, that she will never find love because she is a complete emotional wreck—and also repellent to the eye, and that she should just kill herself.