Sociopath Community

Yeah, I just didn't want "disorder" to be in the title, sounds more serious that way.

I've had times where I've spent a lot on my grandpas credit card for no reason, but I did want everything I bought. I also get a rush of ideals when I'm feeling positive, but specifically for music. Which actually seems to be a good thing most of the time. I never pay attention to my speech though.

Last week I talk a walk to show a friend my latest tracks I've been working out. Outside it was sunny and I was listening to some of my favorite songs at the time. The majority of the walk I just felt extremely positive and unstoppable. I guess the real test would be to see how long I remain in this ultra-confident state of mind.

Manic Depression is just another way of saying Bipolar Disorder, before "bipolar" was a thing people with the condition were referred to as manics 

I have Seasonal Affective Disorder combined with Bipolar II so you can tell whether I spent time outside or inside today by my talking speed and how much I wanna blow my cash away and omg I am going to make the biggest website in the world and be the most well known entrepeneur in a month bro.

Ignoring the urge to reply to said topic with "This is Sparta", NojuanEspecial made a topic related to this recently: This is BPD.

From my studies and times knowing a few, it seems bipolar is not uniformly the same across the board, but more of a generalization or range threshold for more powerful than usual mood swings. Some can shift over a period of days or months while others can shift more erratically, and the severity of the swings varies from person to person too.

In some individuals it can be pretty spooky to watch and sympathize for, and I'm thankful to not be stuck trying to steer something like that. There's also Unipolar Depression types where it's only downs and lucid midgrounds, and then there's also bipolar types with powerful manias that never experience the depression (despite the field's skepticism to the legitimacy of "unipolar mania" being a thing, figuring they must hit a downstep somewhere).

Well if I did have it (not that i would want to) it would be a less severe version. For example here's how my mood was like this year. The first week I was really positive you know since it was a new year and it's like positivity was just flowing in the air. Then the next three weeks I was mainly depressed but not severely even though I was accomplishing all the goals I had created.

February was pretty much the same thing except it got worse with every passing day. That's why I started abusing drugs again. Then March came and the first week was really amazing. It didn't matter how much sleep I got. I had energy to do what ever I wanted to do, I felt faster, stronger, like I could fight the biggest person I met and I would win. I got lots of work done in music and was able to focus all those different ideals and just felt amazing the majority of the time.

This week I felt normal, but strange. Now it's like a mixture of a normal mood and that of depression. I really wish they had a machine to find those things out. We can send satellites into space and want to discover if theres new life there, but have no ideal how our own brain works? Makes no sense to me...

"Then March came and the first week was really amazing. It didn't matter how much sleep I got. I had energy to do what ever I wanted to do, I felt faster, stronger, like I could fight the biggest person I met and I would win. I got lots of work done in music and was able to focus all those different ideals and just felt amazing the majority of the time."
This, this is the stuff I find scary to experience first hand.

"We can send satellites into space and want to discover if theres new life there, but have no ideal how our own brain works?"
I'd imagine there being more consistency in results with satellites when compared to brains.

"I think unipolar hypomania would be amazing though lol."

The loss of control that's dealt with lucidly in hindsight sounds awful to me. People in a bout of mania tend to spend all their money and throw all caution to the wind.

Apparently the real defining difference is the severity, and I have a less experienced understanding of mania in general. It's hard to really get an accurate version of what they're feeling when they're in the throes of it.

Found a quick layman's version of the differences here. Seems the hypo-variant is less psychotic, but I still don't think I'd find myself feeling too comfortable with it. It seems like what I went through on my week of Adderall, or how I remember responding to some sleep side effect medicines. While the article writer's more like:

"If I got to choose between mania, hypomania and depression, I’d pick hypomania. True, I do feel awfully crazy and disconnected from the world when going through it, and true, the obsessive thoughts are tormenting, but the energy is such a great change of pace from the depression that I’ll take it any day. I’m more creative, can put more energy into achieving goals, and just plain get more done."

It sounds like it's mostly wanted in her case from not enjoying the alternatives as opposed to anything positive about it, a purely relative comparison devoid of contentment. Then again I think even just plain happiness is a bad thing in excess, so I'm a bit biased.