Sociopath Community

"The pain inside you went unheard. Maybe that's how the stalking started.... it was unresolved with you"

I believe its been the root cause of small but fairly eruptive anger spots.

"You'll always care for her.....but I promise you it will shift and you'll feel rested."

I'm there already and it bothers me to know I'll always have those feelings for her. It means I wont ever get over stalking, just learning to cope with it. Coping isn't enough when it comes down to things like this, because all it takes is one moment for those old ways to get worked up and all the time recovering was wasted. I mean if I go into a long term relationship those feelings will override what I have for the relationship. It's done so in the past.

It's clear this isn't fading anytime soon, I don't know what I'm doing now besides avoiding her. Strengthening my hold over the compulsions. It's a bit of a gloom when you know it may take a couple years but you'll revert. It's going to be one of the darkest times in my life, watching myself slowly revert after all this effort going into resisting. It'll be quite the challenge.  

I can't lie though, a part of me looks forward too it.

  All your time recovering is not wasted. "If" and I say big if and you do revert  - you remember all yr coping strategies and the work you did to condition yourself. Maybe look into a counselor if you haven't already done so -  :) it could be connected to obsessive compulsive disorder.  Which just means " our " personalities obsess longer than the average Joe.  We attach. And when it comes to unattachment; it's a fight in our minds because we think of it over..like a compulsion. You'll find long seasons of relief, I'm sure you've experienced it already..it comes and it goes. You will keep getting stronger to know how to overcome. And the obsessing will be mild or non-existant. Know yr triggers and make yr self accountable which it looks like you are doing  . So if you revert and take two steps back.... then take a big leap forward. Relapse happens to us all. But it's usually few and far in between.  You will catch yourself. Good luck. I know you can do it because you have the coping tools to do it thus far. Know yr triggers ... that's what helps me when I feel obsession ( ocd) is attached to something I care strongly about. 

"This account has been suspended due to multiple or severe violations of YouTube's policy prohibiting content designed to harass, bully or threaten."

That's pretty classic.