This is my first post, so a bit of back info would help. I am in my late 30s and have been aware of what I am since about my mid twenties. I have an 18 year old daughter, whose best friend has recently moved in near us. I had never met her best friend until then. She's half my age, but already seems to have a much better grasp on what we are: she's already dealt with a lot that I'm still learning about myself, and has demonstrated a Holmsian method of drawing correlations between my mental state, the physical stimulations that put me where I am, and how that translates to most people in my daily life. Now this issue has been complicated by the fact that she has drawn herself closer to me and is beginning to show considerable (and confirmed) evidence of wanting to build a relationship. We have already discussed it, and the only person either of us are concerned about affecting is my daughter. Does anyone have any recommendations about how to address the issue when it comes up? I'm still new to a lot of this and could use some guidance. I know what I want, I know that denying what I want will not end well (she's as equally determined), but I would like to try to shelter my daughter as much as possible.
Who jack. You're in your late thirties and you have no idea how young women use sex as a weapon.
I'd rethink who you think, is your daughters friend.
And cover your ass, because they'll extort money from you if they get the chance.
You should be aware that you are at the clear disadvantage as she working two of you, and I bet you are distant enough from your daughter to have no clue as to who she is.
However you feel about the situation, is entirely irrelevant, because others will feel differently.
I know what I want, I know that denying what I want will not end well (she's as equally determined), but I would like to try to shelter my daughter as much as possible.
Tell your daughter straight to her face. That's not what you are though. You're another victim.
Let me be clear: the issue here is one of a psychological and emotional nature. One I understand. The other I don't. My problem is that I have been working with someone to overcome some issues. No one is talking about sex (thank you, but I know enough to cut that off before it starts because, yes, I know VERY well how this girl uses it). I simply need some insight on getting my daughter to try to understand why I've been talking to her best friend about things that neither I nor her best friend will even discuss with her.
I associated this site with people I had hoped would have been in this situation before. But so long as all I'm getting is psychological projection, these responses are useless me.
There are some interesting theories and a shit load of assumptions being presented here. Wife: none. Daughter: we're very close and she helps me interact with people without burning every bridge I cross. Sex? This wasn't about sex. This was about a psychological bond between two people who can communicate easily - something very threatening to the fact that she's my daughter's best friend. My daughter is a jealous person. But she's also very empathetic and able to read us like a book, even if she doesn't understand it.
I came here seeking intellectual advice for an issue that is proving to be more delicate than I'm comfortable with. Perhaps my expectations were misplaced.