Sociopath Community

by Turncoat

And yet the notion of losing it frightens you, drudging up feelings of being as powerless as you were as a child~

No, I've already made it clear that it does not frighten me at all, nor did I claim to feel powerless as a child. I said I didn't have control as a child.

Control isn't the only thing in life that equals power. A feeling of empowerment can come from a number of different things, control is only one of them.

When you can throw yourself into scenarios where you cannot control their variables, then talk about the experience, I'll give it more weight.

Who cares if you give it more weight or not. What have you even done that makes you believe you're an authority on this subject? The fact that you submit to another?

You're only doing it because you enjoy it anyway. It's not as though you're doing anything out of your comfort zone.

I've taken risks that could have got me arrested, injured or killed. Have you?

I bet every boundary you've pushed has been in BDSM with the use of safe words.

Yes, you'd rather be the one doing the restraining, and likely view their possition as weak.

Explain to me how you took this comment of mine:

"I don't see being submissive as weak if the person doing it wants it and enjoys it."

and interpreted it as me seeing them as weak?

"Control allows me to make my own choices and do what I want to do."
And it allows you to avoid feeling like a victim. You mentioned how as a kid you didn't really have control, and often were the unemotional victim of things, and yet your need for control as an adult, your aversion to it's opposite, makes the accuracy of that questionable. If you really felt nothing during those times would your desire to get away from it be so strong?

I don't think I have anymore need for control than any other dominant person. I just think that being raised in an abusive environment made me value and appreciate it more.

It suggests that your fears are related to that which you cannot see in advance, and your way of comforting is by gaining some means of control over the situation through pre-expectation.

And yet, some of the risks I've taken would suggest otherwise...

I can't control the outcome of every choice I make or risk I take. I'm aware of that, yet I still do it anyway, knowing that it could possibly result in a negative outcome.

I hardly think I have a fear of anything in advance, regardless of whether I can see it or not.

If a dom with a pinch of sadism offered you a night of fun, you'd be turning it down not because of your interests, but because you'd be letting go of the sense of control you take so seriously.

 Would you let me dominate you if we met and I wanted to do it without the use of a safe word?

"No, I've already made it clear that it does not frighten me at all, nor did I claim to feel powerless as a child. I said I didn't have control as a child."
And I'm claiming that fear and lack of control are at the heart connected in your case.

"Control isn't the only thing in life that equals power. A feeling of empowerment can come from a number of different things, control is only one of them."
And the notion of being powerless scares you.

"Who cares if you give it more weight or not."
Me~

You as well on some level since you're granting me this sort of time, but mostly me.

"What have you even done that makes you believe you're an authority on this subject? The fact that you submit to another?"
I understand and accept weaknesses instead of finding ways to pretend they aren't a problem. Without that there's no room for growth.

"It's not as though you're doing anything out of your comfort zone."
Instead of following your usual train of "How could you know that" in a fruitless effort to save face that ends up going nowhere, I'm instead going to admit that a lack of comfort zone is a problem for me as well. I also will say that each case where something ripped me out of my comfort zone gave me far more room for growth than just repeating what I already know.

I find facing fears and insecurities to be fun.

"I've taken risks that could have got me injured, killed or arrested. Have you?"
And again you focus on the external merit others would attach to it instead of how you made it easier on yourself to accomplish...

I actually have, both from personal choice and from choices outside of my grasp that I had no control over. Whether I have or not however is irrelivant except for stating the comparison between when I did and didn't have control making for completely separate experiences. This is about what ways you've found easier roads to feel powerful, and in what ways you've held onto the semblance of control for an increased sense of comfort.

Facing that which makes you uncomfortable is a way to become more resilient, less reactive.

"I bet every boundary you've pushed has been in BDSM with the use of safe words."
You've clearly forgotten about a topic or three people have posted about my past~

"Explain to me how you took this comment of mine: "I don't see being submissive as weak if the person doing it wants it and enjoys it." and interpreted it as me seeing them as weak?"
Cross-referencing.

"I don't think I have anymore need for control than any other dominant person."
It depends on the dominant person. There's those who need control, where their power is necessity, and then those who wear it naturally, where without it they don't fall apart.

It's just how a person who is submissive or masochistic could be into it to fortify themselves through a pleasurable outlet versus those who do it to proxy some other need. All roles in BDSM can be either for raw enjoyment or for proxying a need that might not be being empowered elsewhere. Sex as a whole can even be lumped into that sort of questioning really, BDSM just makes it easier to notice from it's use of specifics.

"I just think that being raised in an abusive environment made me value and appreciate it more."
Fear is often a byproduct of that sort of environment. Is the notion of accepting that you have fears more fearsome than the fears themselves?

"I can't control the outcome of every choice I make or risk I take."
But you can, and do, take solace in knowing it was your decision that lead to that point. Do you not see what I was saying, or is it beyond you? Going headfirst into something without that is difficult, but appears even more difficult for you than others.

There's a world of difference between a knife being pulled on you and asking someone to pull a knife on you. Trust me.

"I hardly think I have a fear of anything in advance, regardless of whether I can see it or not."
If that were so you'd not so quickly feel the need to defend yourself. When you allow something to be seen as a threat, that's not just appraisal, that's fear. Someone truly fearless would be incapable of such caution, responding purely to impulse itself.

Again, you don't strike me as impulsive, that seems closer to Dex and Wilechaser's game. You react.

"Would you let me dominate you if we met and I wanted to do it without the use of a safe word?"
No, but that's not really the point. At heart I am a coward who will do what needs to be done to ensure my own safety once my advantages are blown, and I accept that. I'm craven, so my replies are going to reflect that. You try to claim you're not however, so there's more of a visible clash when you show how you're driven by needs and fears while simultaneously claiming to be above them.

I accept that I have weaknesses, and I try to work on them instead of pretending they aren't there. You won't grow if you cannot recognize faults.

by Turncoat

And the notion of being powerless scares you.

No it doesn't. I simply see more benefit in having power.

I don't see any benefit in being powerless.

"I've taken risks that could have got me injured, killed or arrested. Have you?"
And again you focus on the external merit others would attach to it instead of how you made it easier on yourself to accomplish...

How did I make it easier on myself to accomplish. By simply choosing to take the risk?

It's not as though I took extra measures to make sure there was no negative outcome. A lot of the things I've done were pretty reckless. I'm not exactly someone who plans ahead very often. In fact, I hardly ever plan ahead.

Facing that which makes you uncomfortable is a way to become more resilient, less reactive.

I agree with this.

I have no problem doing something that I find uncomfortable just to experience it, but it has to interest me to do it.

There's those who need control, where their power is necessity, and then those who wear it naturally, where without it they don't fall apart.

I seriously doubt I would fall apart either.

When one of my ex's tried to kill me I was calm and rational. I felt no fear at all. I simply did what I had to do to survive and I succeeded.

Being placed in a position where someone else has control obviously does not frighten me. I just find ways to regain control of the situation to my own benefit.

Is the notion of accepting that you have fears more fearsome than the fears themselves? 

No, of course not. I just don't believe I have any fears.

"I can't control the outcome of every choice I make or risk I take."
But you can, and do, take solace in knowing it was your decision that lead to that point. Do you not see what I was saying, or is it beyond you? Going headfirst into something without that is difficult, but appears even more difficult for you than others.

I don't see how it's anymore difficult for me than others. I've done things without even considering the possible consequences, and did things where I knew what the possible consequences were, but simply didn't care.

There's a world of difference between a knife being pulled on you and asking someone to pull a knife on you. Trust me.

I know all about it.

While I've never had someone pull a knife on me without my permission before (aside from my mother putting one to my throat once, but that doesn't count because I knew she wasn't serious), I have looked down the barrel of a gun three times.

Again, you don't strike me as impulsive, that seems closer to Dex and Wilechaser's game. You react.

When I do things without any prior forethought to the possible consequences, that is acting on impulse.

by A Creepy Stalker Puppet

I don't like to share.

 Ohh, yes I can't wait for whoameye to come back.

by Turncoat

If you weren't afraid of dying, you'd feel no need to defend yourself from assault.

There's a difference between fearing death and simply preferring to live. I don't see how preferring to live means you're afraid of dying.

Psychopaths are supposed to be fearless, yet even a psychopath will defend him or herself from assault.

Are you saying that even psychopaths have a fear of dying when defending their life?

"That's not to say I wouldn't remain calm if a knife was pulled on me without my prior knowledge."
If only there was a way to arrange that so it could be tested. I know I'd be oozing with fear.

Yeah, but that's you, not me. Everyone is different.

Are you sure you aren't just seeing "Fear" for it's extreme, and not it's smaller degrees in between? That grey area that it bleeds into in a variety of ways? You may know what fear is in a sense without calling it fear simply from a difference in understanding and terminology.

No, I wasn't afraid. I just remember feeling calm and my mind being very clear while thinking of how I could get out of that situation.

"Yeah, I'm not very introspective, but I do have some idea of what I am and what I'm not based on past experience."
The experiences, or the events? The cause and effect, or the impression?

My experiences, the things I've actually done - both verbally and physically. It all tells me something about myself. The kind of person I am.

"I've no doubt those guns were loaded and not with blanks. I couldn't tell you if the safety was on or not though."
How'd those situations come about?

One guy got hustled, wanted his money back and decided he was going to shoot if he didn't get it. A domestic violence situation in which my mother's boyfriend at the time threatened to shoot us all, and a situation that involved an argument I got into with a guy over guns, which pissed him off so much that he decided to try and threaten me with his own gun.

I don't recall feeling fear in any of those situations. In fact, I even grinned at the guy in the last one I mentioned because I thought it was amusing.

"There's a difference between fearing death and simply preferring to live."
Yeah, and it's exhibited within their behaviors. When no longer fearing death, suddenly the things that prevent yourself from dying become easier to ignore (even eating). Even the approach towards defending themselves is laid back as if it were a decision, not fighting for their lives. One who doesn't fear death would feel little to no drive to keep themselves alive, the motivation would root from elsewhere and likely be less lively.

"Psychopaths are supposed to be fearless, yet even a psychopath will defend him or herself from assault."
I've yet to find a person who was truly fearless. Even studies on disorders like psychopathy have theorists that simply assume that their threshold for facing fear is simply elevated, not an absence of fear itself.

Someone who defends themselves without fear as a motivation will display different tells. At the very least I don't see your responses as reflecting a fearless mind, which really is something to be thankful for.

"Are you saying that even psychopaths have a fear of dying when defending their life?"
The statistical likelihood of it from my understanding points to yes, at least on some level. It might not be as obvious as a quote unquote "normal" person, but it's more likely to be there than to be completely absent.

"Yeah, but that's you, not me. Everyone is different."
And I'd dare to say "We're not so different, you and I", like some sort of TV show villain~

I think you'd display fear-based tells, at least based on what you've made yourself out to be on these forums. There's no shame in that you know.

"No, I wasn't afraid. I just remember feeling calm and my mind being very clear while thinking of how I could get out of that situation."
Sounds just like the earlier story I mentioned with me and the cop, it felt just like that. Fear comes out in more ways than "being afraid", it can lead to compulsions, specific (possibly unconscious) safety-check behavior, a need for control, nervous ticks, obsessions, sleeping pattern shifts, small behavioral adjustments when it comes to appraising what you do and don't enjoy that may otherwise just appear to be a shift in opinion, even a state of what otherwise appears to be fearlessness, if not using fear as the motivator (for example, why people enjoy roller coasters). We aren't always conscious of how fear plays a factor, but often observers can see the clues you don't from being stuck in the first person view and the first person perspective.

It's like how a display of "Depression" can be complete numbness, not always tears, and the depressed individual might not even recognize that they are, in fact, depressed. Emotions aren't as cut and dry as a facial display chart you're likely to see in a Kindergartener's Playroom, there's a lot of depth to it from individual approaches to appraisal on both a conscious and subconscious level.

Tell me TK, do you enjoy things like bungee jumping, parachuting, and Roller Coasters? Without fear they'd feel like a waste of time, as there'd be nothing to promote the flow of adrenaline otherwise once the perception of danger is introduced. One who does not know fear would also not know the rush that comes from risk, since risk wouldn't even feel "risky" to them.

"One guy got hustled, wanted his money back and decided he was going to shoot if he didn't get it."
Did you pay him?

"A domestic violence situation in which my mother's boyfriend at the time threatened to shoot us all"
How old were you?

"a situation that involved an argument I got into with a guy over guns, which pissed him off so much that he decided to try and threaten me with his own gun."
Were you armed?

"I don't recall feeling fear in any of those situations."
How about adrenaline? Was it a rush?

"In fact, I even grinned at the guy in the last one I mentioned because I thought it was amusing."
How public of a place were the two of you? How many bystanders?

For all three of those scenarios, how predictable would you say they were behaving? How likely did you see the threat before it became a threat?