Throughout my life, my range of emotions has been limited. I'm never happy, sad, angry or cheerful, I just hover through life in this mundane neutrality(which has it's benefits). Because of this, I crave disastrous situations which would force emotion out of me, even as far back as age 8 I remember day dreaming about family members dying so I could feel. It takes something significantly wrong to draw any feeling from me.
After this whole ordeal.........I felt a space that has been filled for 12 years dislodge itself. That amount of loss was an amazing feeling, imagine feeling the heavy loss of abandonment while being overjoyed at a new, open and adventurous future and then being ecstatic because you can actually feel it in the first place. I'm happy to be sad(or any emotion really) if that makes any sense.
I know this can't be right, there's obviously some issues needing resolved. I'm guessing my lack of emotions leaves me hyper-sensitive to the ones that do eventually reach me. I see this as potentially dangerous, although I haven't felt them yet I predict that soon I will have urges to put myself in self-destructive situations just to indulge myself in this phenomenon once again.
- Are there any of you like this? can you relate?
- This seems so messed up, is this itself a disorder?
- Your thoughts in general(solutions, recommendations)
