meow :3 
by SensitiveSoulAbout these things, I put analysis aside and try to get a feel. It's usually a better tool for me. Not saying it is always correct, but it works better than my reasoning.
I can respect that. Is that why you avoid me, or is there a different reason? This certainly puts into perspective, you saying that I'm the dangerous kind. You once asked me if I really didn't see myself that way. The truth is; I don't feel it, but as I become more aware of what I do, why I do it,and how it affects people(to the credit of this site) I'm beginning to slowly change the way I see myself. Unfortunately, that had meant seeing how malignant I really am, and how awareness cannot penetrate enough to change behavior patterns.
by RayvenI can respect that. Is that why you avoid me, or is there a different reason? This certainly puts into perspective, you saying that I'm the dangerous kind.
I don't mean to avoid you in a rude way, you are nice and have done nothing to deserve that. However, yes I keep some distance, I perceive you as dangerous instinctively.
by thesugargirlis there any part of you that wants to change, or is it a 'meh' kinda moment?
Here goes. I am going to try to answer as honestly, and with as little manipulation- as I am capable of. I'm not even trying to be funny when I say that. It's that difficult for me. But I'll do my best.
Is there a part of me that wants to change: A big part of me wants to change how being me keeps fucking my life up. I am incapable of wanting to be a different person. I love who I am. I get off on what I do. So I guess the honest answer is: I wish I could get different results, and not have to work for it.
I'm getting older now. I'll be 40 this year. And as much as I perceive myself as never aging- the truth is that the life I lead is catching up to me. I've lived my life so hard and fast. Now my mind is growing weary-and my body is getting tired of me treating it like it's some indestructible machine. I'm slipping up more these days- or sticking around too long for me to be able to keep things under wraps.
In less than a months time, I have been lectured by 3 separate parties on my attitude, lack of professionalism, verbally abusive bullying tactics, and told how intimidating I am. My roommate is moving out the end of June over one confrontation. I've gotten along with her perfectly for over a year now- and one confrontation with me over money, has made her want to run away. And lastly- one week ago my eldest daughter asked me in a very disgusted tone- if I was even capable of sympathizing. I don't like to lie to my children- so I told her no.
Do I want people to see me for who I am? Nope. I would rather they think I'm a complete lunatic than for them to think I am capable of being predator. Which brings me to my bigger point. Am I capable of change to keep from the complete and disastrous burn out I'm heading for? Evidence point to its unlikelihood. My instinct to protect myself and survive, overrides all other things. I mean- to the point where it seems as though I don't even have a choice in the matter. I see my behavior more clearly with each passing day- know through extensive research and my years at this site what drives me- which is fucking great, but it has changed nothing. That being said I am still optimistic! I won't say die. That would be giving up, and I don't think I'm capable of that either. :D
by Rayven
by thesugargirlis there any part of you that wants to change, or is it a 'meh' kinda moment?
Here goes. I am going to try to answer as honestly, and with as little manipulation- as I am capable of. I'm not even trying to be funny when I say that. It's that difficult for me. But I'll do my best.
Is there a part of me that wants to change: A big part of me wants to change how being me keeps fucking my life up. I am incapable of wanting to be a different person. I love who I am. I get off on what I do. So I guess the honest answer is: I wish I could get different results, and not have to work for it.
I'm getting older now. I'll be 40 this year. And as much as I perceive myself as never aging- the truth is that the life I lead is catching up to me. I've lived my life so hard and fast. Now my mind is growing weary-and my body is getting tired of me treating it like it's some indestructible machine. I'm slipping up more these days- or sticking around too long for me to be able to keep things under wraps.
In less than a months time, I have been lectured by 3 separate parties on my attitude, lack of professionalism, verbally abusive bullying tactics, and told how intimidating I am. My roommate is moving out the end of June over one confrontation. I've gotten along with her perfectly for over a year now- and one confrontation with me over money, has made her want to run away. And lastly- one week ago my eldest daughter asked me in a very disgusted tone- if I was even capable of sympathizing. I don't like to lie to my children- so I told her no.
Do I want people to see me for who I am? Nope. I would rather they think I'm a complete lunatic than for them to think I am capable of being predator. Which brings me to my bigger point. Am I capable of change to keep from the complete and disastrous burn out I'm heading for? Evidence point to its unlikelihood. My instinct to protect myself and survive, overrides all other things. I mean- to the point where it seems as though I don't even have a choice in the matter. I see my behavior more clearly with each passing day- know through extensive research and my years at this site what drives me- which is fucking great, but it has changed nothing. That being said I am still optimistic! I won't say die. That would be giving up, and I don't think I'm capable of that either. :D
From what I've learned and observed about you Raven, both nature and nurture shaped you into a natural survivor. You had to toughen up a lot and grow some impressive "claws" and skills, both for defense and offense. Most people sense a predator when they meet them, that's why they feel intimidated and get dangerous vibes from you. I like that about you.