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by HigurashiI was on a party recently and got hooked up with a girl. We fooled around a bit and eventually ended up in bed. We were alone there for four full hours and we talked a lot while there. She said that I excite her and that I'm a sweetheart and, you know, all that nice bullshit. However, the day after the party, she told me that she doesn't want a relationship now, that she isn't ready for it or anything at all. I told her that I respect her decision and that's it. Why am I telling this? Because I didn't feel shit. I didn't feel sad or happy, angry or calm, I felt nothing at all. A friend of mine was rather shocked at my "blankness" and didn't understand why aren't I feeling anything after all that? I don't know why. However, two days ago I got into a fight with a guy from school. My question is; Why didn't I feel anything after all that kissing and touching and everything, while I felt something while having blood on my hands? It was...nostalgic. It's been so long since I had so much blood on my hands, it's as if I something returned to me from a long long journey and I'm glad to see it. I was relaxed and...happy. Everytime I remember it, I smile like a lunatic. :D
Opinion, anyone?
Your 'blankness' sounds like a defense mechanism. The girl rejected you and you're way of dealing with the pain of rejection is to block out any negative emotion associated with it.
The fight at school was a completely different situation. You didn't have to block out the emotions associated with that because it was a pleasurable experience.
You seem like a normal guy to me with some minor issues regarding how you deal with your emotions.
I think you need to invest more of your time in self actualization.
I seriously doubt you had that much blood on your hands considering you hang out here and your username is based off some anime. It sounds like more of a repressed revenge fantasy than an actual occurance.
Your focus should be on who you are, not who you wish to be.
First thing's first, thank you for reading this and giving me your opinion. And now, I guess I'm supposed to give a reply. No, I'm not a sociopath. Never diagnosed and I never thought or wanted to be one. The reason why I'm here is because I was looking for some information and I stumbled upon this forum. I liked talking with some of the members here so I decided to linger for a while. I joined on January, 26th, and everyone who was online then knows that my username has nothing to do with an anime or anything like that. I only learned of the anime titled Higurashi after I joined, a user here told me of it. I don't idolize sociopaths, like I said, I'm not one and don't want to be one. "Everytime I remember it, I smile like a lunatic." When I wrote this, it had nothing to do with me being insane or me thinking myself insane. I was only describing it using metaphors, in other words, I have a very wide smile. Regarding the blood thing, I must admit that I did see a moderate amount of it. ( I didn't see buckets full of it, of course). I think that blood has a really nice color and a pretty texture to it. I generally like warm liquids, blood is no exception. I'm not a sadist, I don't want to hurt everyone and I don't take pleasure in it. However, I have nothing against hurting the ones who deserve it though, the guy I fought with was a douche bag and a moron. Regarding the girl, it's not about not caring about her, I only think I care. I don't know to tell you the truth. I didn't feel anything in particular, I won't deny that. But it's the same when I think about, for example, my family and friends. When I'm around them or/and think about them, I don't feel anything in particular, I think I love them. I'm not sure if I do or do not and can't say for sure because of that. ThrillKill; I called it a rejection because I really didn't know how else to say it, English not being my mother tongue and all that. She recently broke up with her boyfriend and she wanted some time alone and she said that she's not ready for a relationship now. I don't know how you call it, perhaps it is called a rejection or something like that. Anyway, I didn't feel bad about it, I mean, to be honest, it's not the first time I got "rejected" (and rejected for real) and based upon my appearance, it's definitely not the last. I hope I replied to everything and that I didn't miss out anything. Btw, I do have emotions and everything coming along with them, I may be an idiot though, but that's not the case here. :) Thanks once again for your answers!