A shame? , why? .
Do you feel that youve been robbed of something due to your lack of moral hangups?
I lost it suddenly. To dissillusionment. I was already slightly impaired. Maybe slightly is too small a word. My body doesn't work when someone is with me. So there has to be some shock value to make it interesting. I've worn that avenue out too.
The game leading up to sex, and only if it appeals to my intellect- that is the only thing worth while.
With which party- me or others?
In me: Sadly, fear is another thing I'm lacking in, and I seriously didn't realize just how burned out that bulb was until I recently became more self aware. Now that I analyze everything I do, and why, I pay closer attention to what's going on inside me when certain things that would normally cause an intense reaction in the average person, and see that only a little blip goes across the screen. Which leads me to believe that the stress I've been under for the last few year, could possibly kill the average person! lol
Why do I say sadly? I would suppose most people would think it's better not to fear. Better to be able to take on high amounts of stress. Not be able to feel right away that your body has been injured until you keep injuring the same place multiple times, because you just keep using all your parts- even when you should be letting them heal. Pain and fear are a disign created for survival. As a child I wasn't like this. I was hypervigilant and sensitive to everything around me (Reactive Attachment Disorder). Danger lurked around every corner. No one was to be trusted. But I guess at some point my brain decided to shut a few things down in order to preserve my sanity.
Other people's fear: It depends on the person. Yes- would be the answer for certain types of people, and I'm really curious about why that is, yet I have no way of knowing how to get information about why. The things that do manage to turn me on (last relationship excluded from this), are not moral. And when I say that, I don't mean swingers and orgies.
Know what I mean?