On a completely separate note, I imagine, based on your voice and the way you talk about death and violence, that you're either incredibly beautiful, or hideously ugly. I don't think there can be an in-between for you.
That's a very black and white view. Why would I have to be either?
I believe there is a spectrum when it comes to looks. It doesn't matter how you look, there is always someone who is going to be more beautiful or ugly than yourself. That applies to all of us because we don't all perceive things in exactly the same way. What may be ugly to one could be beautiful to another and vice versa.
I really don't see how my interest in violence relates to my physical appearance. I don't feel any hatred or jealousy towards those I desire to kill. I have no feelings towards them at all, other than sexual attraction.