.
Your predator instinct is strong, and your human mind just over complicates that instinct into fantasies and urges.
If you are worried about murdering someone someday, I would suggest either jointing the army cuz you can get away with it or choosing someone who is truly deserving. I understand the warped thoughts and urges. In 4th grade I became obsessed with horror movies. I would especially watch them while home alone during the night time with all the lights turned off. I have no clue why, maybe for the thrill, all I know is I freaked myself out, and had nightmares every night because I believed in the monsters in the movies. My mom always claimed that the devil constantly tried to prevent her from taking my brother and I to church, that we were wanted by him, and although I don't believe in gods and devils, growing up I've realize that I'm the only monster I should worry about. Anyways, these days horror movies don't give me as much as a thrill, and I crave for the real thing, probably as just a childhood memory/comfort thing. I'm heavily considering a career as a CIA agent, I'll be able to travel, manipulate and lie to people as a profession, it demands a lot of respect, and I get to murder people and get away with it.
I noticed you mentioned that you have "bad thoughts". What makes them bad thoughts? Do they disturb you?
I've been having homicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember and I don't see them as good or bad. They're just thoughts. It's what we do with them that matters. So, I'm trying to understand what, in your opinion, defines "bad thoughts".
I've fantasized about mass murder a few times. Sometimes when I go into the city and I'm standing among all that prey, I can't help but imagine killing everyone around me - men, women and children alike. It's a pleasurable thought. Not one I ever intend to carry out. At least not at this stage of my life anyway.
If I ever felt like I had nothing left to live for, I'd contemplate committing mass murder.
