The last time I cried was when I got stung by a bee (I stepped on it) and it bloody hurt like hell.
Pain can make me cry if it's bad enough (my own pain that is, not anybody else's).
Extreme frustration.
Funeral of my friend's father ( admittedly I've made a lot of inappropriate sexual jokes beforehand ), because he saved my life once upon a time.
Telling the people closest to me of my diagnoses for the first time.
Overall I have cried precisely 6 times in my life.
I hope I can do it more often eventually. Feels kind of relieving, but still alien.
Pain,extreme frustration.
I've cried after breaking-up with someone exactly once in my life but it was more because I tried to manipulate that relationship to last from the get-go and failed (the person was very sexually attractive to me). That relationship lasted 6 months ; knowing that the person made the first attempted breakup call on our second day because of crabs (I'm not kidding). I was so frustrated to fail that I cried alone when we broke up.
Another memorable one for me was being unmasked in public. I'm not gonna get into details but basically I was leading a double (triple?) life and I got caught in a lie and I was made to open my car because there was hard evidence that I was lying in it.
Again I was so frustrated that I cried. I took a hammer and I tried to smash the driver's side window. I was in trouble for sometimes after that but I managed to con my way back in and I still see those people to this day.
Movies, bad things happening to people, sad commercials have no effect whatsoever on me.
Sad music makes me feel 'moody' but that's it.
I will tear up over a commercial but I attribute it more to the music along with the subject. I cry when I'm really frustrated with myself or death of a parent (which I felt some real sadness, but couldn't muster any tears at mom's funeral since I my nose was too busy huffing formaldehyde) or a pet. It's been quite a long time since I last cried which was over a pet.
I don't cry profusely, but I do shed a tear when I see a good person just get a kick in the balls (or clit) by life. Some people just don't deserve the shit, ya know. I believe in just reward for honest work.
The only way I could cry for more than 10 seconds is if something I didn't see coming slaps my face.