I don't know if you're full of shit or not, but I do know what you're talking about with the laughing. I've done this too. It feels, or at least it did to me at the time, that I was a little insane. I think it's like adrenaline and nerves and a sick release of energy coming all at once, esp. if there's more than one guy and you know you're gonna take on a beating to get out of it. It's like your brain's going two ways at once.
Yea I can completely relate to that Richard. I definitely felt unhinged, i have also laughed immediately after car wrecks (I have been impulsively involved in 5) and I contribute the laughter to high amounts of adrenaline. I think since I'm in a constant state of indifference, adrenaline gives me a chance to FEEL ALIVE. There is a beauty in facing danger. In fact I have a poem about it I will post below. It's one of my favorites. Feel free to comment.
(the lesson of the moth)
i was talking to a moth
the other evening
he was trying to break into
an electric light bulb
and fry himself on the wires
why do you fellows
pull this stunt i asked him
because it is the conventional
thing for moths or why
if that had been an uncovered
candle instead of an electric
light bulb you would
now be a small unsightly cinder
have you no sense?
plenty of it he answered
but at times we get tired
of using it
we get bored with the routine
and crave beauty
and excitement
fire is beautiful
and we know that if we get
too close it will kill us
but what does that matter
it is better to be happy
for a moment
and be burned up with beauty
than to live a long time
and be bored all the while
so we wad all our life up
into one little roll
and then we shoot the roll
that is what life is for
it is better to be a part of beauty
for one instant and then cease to
exist than to exist forever
and never be a part of beauty
our attitude toward life
is come easy go easy
we are like human beings
used to be before they became
too civilized to enjoy themselves
and before i could argue him
out of his philosophy
he went and immolated himself on a patent cigar lighter
i do not agree with him
myself i would rather have
half the happiness and twice
the longevity
but at the same time i wish
there was something i wanted
as badly as he wanted to fry himself
-Don Marquis
I've taken risks that could have seriously injured or killed me. Part of the thrill of doing what I did was knowing there was risk involved, but I didn't have a death wish. The biggest thrill came from taking the risk and avoiding the possible consequence.
The moth in the story doesn't seem to care if he dies. In fact, he knows he will. There wasn't even any risk involved. Death was inevitable. The moth wasted the rest of his entire life on a single moment of intense pleasure. That doesn't seem very logical at all to me. It's irrational.
Even psychopaths and sociopaths have a self-preservation instinct.
Would you seek out a single moment of intense pleasure, knowing there is no chance of survival?
I agree the thrill is surviving the risk. However I disagree that the moth knew he was going to die at that EXACT moment. He knew that he could very well die because of his behavior but I don't think he committed suicide. The author killed him off to show that his behavior is life threatening and that he was careless. yes I agree it did seem he had a death wish, and I certainly don't want to die but I can still see a lot of myself in the moth.
Richard Parker made a good point. I've seen people burst into laughter before danger/at inapropriate moments. It's some sort of nervous, insane laughter, not what you'd hear at a stand up comedy show, and it doesn't mean you're enjoying yourself. Provoking the other guys over and over again is a sign of mental instability...
but I do enjoy myself when I fight, it's fun and a great way to release violent urges and pent up anger. I usually provoke the person to the point where they attack me first so I can claim self defense. this whole forum is dedicated to mental instability, I'm not claiming to be normal whatever the fuck that is anyways
I watched a show about an intervention program that takes troubled kids into prison, to show them what prison is really like, in hopes that it may wake them up a bit. The show is called 'Scared Straight'. One kid in the program kept smiling and laughing at the prisoners who were yelling in his face. Turns out the kid was actually very afraid and the smiling and laughter was his way of dealing with the anxiety he was feeling.
It's quite possible that you too were feeling anxiety when you got attacked. You may claim it was fun so as not to appear weak, but deep down, I think you know how dangerous that situation was and your anxiety simply caused you to react with laughter.